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When I graduated from college, IMITREX no rx, IMITREX coupon, I took a job in a domestic violence shelter. I hadn't given domestic violence more than a passing thought in the first 22 years of my life but with my shiny new psychology BA in hand, I discovered my passion. I loved my work. I devoted my life to my shelter for years. I worked to make sure my clients knew it wasn't their fault. I planted seeds of hope. I stood between abusive spouses and their children because no one was going to hurt them on my watch. I listened to stories. I dried tears. I gave pep talks. I fought back my own tears when a woman returned to a bad situation. I felt a heavy burden when the law didn't protect those women the way it should have. I educated police officers. I went toe to toe with lawyers and judges to get protections orders and custody orders. I held hands during court hearings. I insisted small town police enforce the laws. I was strong. I was smart. I was a force to be reckoned with. I don't say this to paint myself some sort of hero. (I'm not even close - I just loved what I did.) I point this out to highlight the fact that domestic violence really can happen to anyone. (See also: irony.)
One day, IMITREX class, Buy IMITREX from mexico, girl meets boy. Boy sweeps girl off her feet. Girl has been so busy saving the world she has barely dated so this was very heady stuff. It wasn't hard to be swept away. Long distance relationship ensues with much romance and sweet talk. Boy moves home and proposes. Girl accepts. Wedding quickly planned. Honeymoon ends.
I quickly realized that the romance and sweet talk were a thing of the past. I asked my husband (let's call him Joe) why he didn't do those nice things anymore. Joe's response? "Because I've got you now." He then laid out his theory that men only to those things to "get" women and that once you are married you are no longer required to make that kind of effort. I didn't pay attention to the implied ownership of his statement - I was more incensed that he thought all effort on his part ended with "I do", purchase IMITREX online. IMITREX duration, I was working hard to keep my marriage together. I was a child of divorce and there was no way I was making the same mistakes my parents did. I felt like I was the only one making efforts but this is my story and therefore inherently unfair in its telling. Time passed as it is apt to do. Listening to myself talk one day, I realized that I often said "I love him but...". What followed the but was usually some behavior of his I felt compelled to excuse or explain to friends or family. I didn't take him to many functions because he would make it clear he didn't want to be there by pouting or being belligerent, fast shipping IMITREX. Buy cheap IMITREX, Just shy of our second anniversary, I had a light bulb moment. He was on a business trip, rx free IMITREX. I used to miss him and worry about him when he was gone until the moment of his return. I suddenly realized that I was dreading his return. I realized that I was happier with him gone. This epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks. I spent that night lying in bed, alone, examining my marriage. And what I saw was a train wreck, BUY IMITREX OVER THE COUNTER. IMITREX over the counter, I don't know how I had missed it. I had been so busy trying to make it work that I hadn't realized. I was walking on egg shells all of the time. He had an explosive temper. He had never done anything physical but he was so verbally mean. Most people have a line that they don't cross when they fight - he had no such line. He would say the meanest, most vile, online IMITREX without a prescription, IMITREX street price, nastiest, most hurtful things that he could think of when we argued. He would scream and yell and slam around the house. I dreaded arguments. When I tried to be reasonable and discuss things calmly, taking IMITREX, Where can i find IMITREX online, he would tell me to knock off the psycho-babble and find a way to push the button that would cause me to yell back. After an argument, IMITREX results, Herbal IMITREX, he would apologize and, while chuckling, cheap IMITREX no rx, Where to buy IMITREX, tell me I had the ability to make him angrier than any woman he ever knew because he loved me so much. Things were good. For awhile. Like a cold bucket of water, I realized I was living the classic cycle of violence. I was so dumbfounded that I had managed to get sucked into this kind of sick relationship. I was participating in the very cycle I had spent 6 years educating everyone in my community about, buy IMITREX online no prescription. IMITREX alternatives, I asked him to go to counseling with me. He told me I was crazy - there wasn't anything wrong. On our 2nd anniversary, I asked him for a divorce. He again brushed me off and told me everything was fine. A few weeks later, IMITREX without prescription, Online buying IMITREX, his belligerent attitude resulted in him losing his job. I didn't want to kick him while he was down so I decided to wait until he found a job to divorce him. I knew I couldn't fix things myself. If he wouldn't even acknowledge there was a problem then ending our marriage was the only way to regain my sanity, the only way to reclaim the little pieces of myself I had lost. The cycle continued. Months went by with him not getting a job, IMITREX use. IMITREX from mexico, Six months later, out of the blue, IMITREX steet value, Where can i buy cheapest IMITREX online, he announced he had filed for divorce. I was stunned but relieved. He said his lawyer advised him not to move out of the house. He still wasn't working. I was working from home. That was way too much time together. He had anticipated his announcement of filing for divorce would cause me to beg him to stay - to promise to toe the line if he would give me another chance. He was angry that I wasn't playing by the script. Everything went downhill quickly. He became convinced I was cheating on him. He went back and forth between being belligerent and remorseful. He would rant about how he was going to ruin me in our small community. He would cry and beg me to forgive him. I told him things had gone too far. Words couldn't be taken back. I was finished. When I tried to go to bed, he would sit on the edge of the bed and question me for hours about why our marriage failed and why I was seeing these imaginary men. He wouldn't allow me to go to sleep at night. He wouldn't allow me to work during the day. I felt like a prisoner of war being tortured. I lost my job because I was an exhausted basket case and missed an important deadline, buy IMITREX online cod. BUY IMITREX OVER THE COUNTER, We were living in this tension filled house. He was not working and refusing to follow through with the divorce he filed. I was working and trying to hold things together financially. Months passed and I began hanging out with my girl friends again. (My BFF had distanced herself because she hated to see how Joe treated me.) I started to enjoy life again, to feel lighter, to feel like me for the first time in years, as long as I wasn't in that tension filled house. He saw it. He saw that light returning to my eyes. He saw his last bit of control over me fall away. It was the perfect storm. IMITREX schedule, I was in denial about where things were heading. Joe hid my car keys several times so that I couldn't leave. He had taken the phone batteries out and thrown them in the woods so that I couldn't call anyone. (We lived in the country so these things isolated me.) He had grabbed my arm and flung me to the floor one afternoon when I was leaving without telling him where I was going. As I had often dismissed his verbal abuse, I didn't see this as the item I stressed when educating others (danger is highest just after the woman leaves because the abuser sees himself losing control and becomes desperate to regain it). I didn't believe he was truly dangerous. I still remembered the sweet man I dated - he wouldn't hurt anyone, IMITREX no prescription. No prescription IMITREX online, Then one night, I found myself, huddled in the corner of my bathroom with a gun pressed to my head, thinking to myself "I used to sit on the other side of the desk listening in quiet horror to stories just like this. How did I end up here?" He told me the only reason he didn't pull the trigger was because everyone would know it was him and he would never get a job.
I let him have sex with me that night. I can't call it rape because I did nothing to stop it. I didn't even try to say no. I just cried until it was over. I was just thankful to be alive and hoping to make it to the morning so that I could get out of there. I saw him only once after that night - and we weren't alone together. With the support of friends and family, I have moved on to have a truly wonderful life. I will never again allow someone to make me a victim.
I am strong. I am smart. I am a force to be reckoned with. And I learn from my mistakes.
Michelle writes at Michelle Smiles.
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