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I had to go back to school the next day and pretend that nothing had happened, and my rapist was in a few of my classes. I became withdrawn and started cutting myself, and a lot of people started to become concerned about me, but I couldn’t tell, BUY MAZINDOL NO PRESCRIPTION. Luckily, after school got out in May, my family and I moved to another town and I didn’t have to see him again.
Seventeen years later, I can still remember everything like it happened yesterday. I have recently found out that my rapist lives in another state and I feel relief that I will probably never see him again. But I still live with the guilt that I never told anyone and he may have done the same thing to someone else. BUY MAZINDOL NO PRESCRIPTION, I am writing this here to speak out about what happened. And my hope is that if someone reading this has been raped and not told anyone, please seek out help. You deserve to have support through this time and to be heard. We all do.
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I always feel like I don’t have a right to have any residual issues around what happened to me. So many people have had way worse things happen to them. It only happened to me the one time, and there wasn’t even any penetration. I sometimes think about how I would like to find the guy who did this to me and make something bad happen to him, yell at him, scream at him, tell the police what he did to me, tell his whole family what he did, tell his boss, etc. But then I think, he was just a teenager. He didn’t mean to do anything bad to me…he probably just thought I would forget about it. Why am I apologizing for him? Why am I letting him off the hook.
I never feel safe. When I fantasize about where and how I’d live if I won the lottery and could go anywhere I wanted to, it’s all about safety. I’d have a house with a state of the art security system. I’d have a property that no one could penetrate. I’d never have to worry if someone could get in and hurt me. They could never get close to me. Also, I’d never have to leave my house. I’d have everything I need delivered to me in a safe way, a drop box or something, so that I’d never have to go out where it’s dangerous and where I’d be vulnerable. I don’t trust anyone. At all. I have an eating disorder that serves to ensure that no one will be attracted to me or be able to get close to me. I create layers of protection around my body. I have depression and anxiety issues. I’m afraid of the dark. I’m hyper-vigilant about my person and my whereabouts. The list goes on. I believe that most, if not all, of these issues stem from what happened to me, but I feel guilty about that because much worse things have happened to other people.
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