Andrea
Moderator’s note: A young family member of mine went through something very similar to this. Experts tell me the Internet, cell phones, and smart devices have ratcheted up dating violence, abuse, and bullying among middle and high school kids to a whole new, unimaginable level. — Maggie
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“Unmasked”
Yes, I came from a broken home. My mother realized it and fought to mend it for her three children–and she succeeded. Yes, I experienced domestic violence throughout my childhood; sometimes brutal attacks, sometimes no more than a smack here or there. Does that mean I asked for the emotional and physical abuse I’d experience later on?
When I was 14 I met a girl who told me about a boy she knew. The boy and I talked online through messengers, email, and other means. I was insecure and desperate for love I didn’t experience at home, so we developed a long distance relationship.
After a year I knew that this boy was not a boy–his pictures were different every time, his voice on the phone was not male, I called my friend’s number which was “routed” to get to him (to avoid long distance, obviously) –I didn’t care. I knew it was that girl who initially introduced me to “him.”
Then I entered high school and it got worse. I “broke up” with the boy to date the girl. She did to others what she did to me (while we were dating), made it a point to leave little clues around so I’d know. She took sex on her terms when she wanted it, which I gave her because I so badly wanted to have a relationship. She withheld all affection when she didn’t care enough to make an effort. It lasted almost two years.
Finally I brought it up. She would follow me around school, doing things just to hurt me, make me angry and sad. When I went to school officials (the security lady, my choir teacher, my counselor) they listened, understood. Then she went to them claiming I was the one doing the harassing. Even her friends didn’t take her side after that.
I almost dropped out of high school.
Eventually she left. I took my last year of school to fix myself, to understand it, to put it behind me.
She’s still doing this, using up wounded, fragile people because it fulfills something lost inside herself. She did it to one of my best friends (who is a gay male) and one of my friends who knew her then.
She kept trying to continue the cycle–creating false identities and trying to contact me, calling me to deliver verbal and emotional abuse–until my good friend (who is also one of her victims) told her that we had all of the fake IDs she’d created and all of the abuse she’d dealt out saved and would sue her for everything we could. I haven’t heard from her since that.
I grew up being hit and thrown and bruised. I entered my teenage years being bruised emotionally and sexually because I thought it was the only kind of love I could ever experience.
Now I am about to move in with the man I will marry–a man who is kind, patient, loyal and generous, who loves me for exactly what I am–and I am not a victim. I will never be a victim of anyone ever again. I broke the cycle of my father and my father’s father and my mother. It ends with me.
And I am stronger for it.
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Andrea blogs at The Revenant Cupcake.
34 Responses to “Andrea”
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Yes you ARE stronger for it. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Good luck with your upcoming plans..:*)
I am so thankful that the cycle stops with you.
You are strong & I am happy that you will start this new chapter with a man whom you will be happy with.
((hugs))
Congratulations on breaking the cycle. You are a brave, brave woman for sharing your story and stopping the abuse.
Thank you for sharing your story and congrats to you for finding the strength to move on. Best to you.
You are Awesome! So glad you are standing up for yourself and not accepting less than you deserve!
You are very brave to break a generations long cycle. Its a tough road, but you did it! YOU are strong!
Congratulations!
Thank you for sharing you story with us. I will never understand how people can be that messed up in the head to do something like that to another human being and be able to look in the mirror.
Bravo! Thank you for sharing and all the best to you in the future!
Amazing! So impressed with your strength.
Peace to you – thank you for being Strong and Good!
thank you for sharing your story, using your voice to help others! congratulations on your new relationship.
Thanks for sharing your story. I know it can be really hard to put into words your story of abuse, but every time you do you take back some of your power. Congratulations on finding such a supportive partner and good luck with the future!
I love this!!!!
Thank you for sharing. You are strong and wise. Yes, we all my stop the cycle for our future generations.
Congratulations! Love to see the strength.
i wept while reading the first 3/4ths of this post… and then i yelled “FUCK YES!!!” at the end.
i can only imagine how empowered you must feel at this moment, having shared your story.
congratulations on your survivorship.
I’m so glad to hear that you have found happiness with someone, and congratulations on your pending nuptials! I hope you have also found happiness with yourself; that will be the true key to ensuring the cycle of abuse ends with you. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us.
You are an inspiration to us all.
Oh, I am so very relieved you got out. I am so very glad you survived it, and lived to tell us about your journey. You are brave and strong and deserve wonderful things in life.
Congratulations on surviving and stopping the cycle. You deserve only the best, and I am happy that you will get that.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I will remember your story as my children get older and are ready to use the internet with their friends. It’s so important to teach them about safety with all the technology. I hate that we have to teach such things, but people can be so mean! So sorry for your experiences, but glad you were able to break the cycle and find someone wonderful to share your life with.
Congratulations. I recently married the most wonderful man. He’s not perfect, but then neither am I. There will be issues between the two of you that you will come to find stem from your past. Remember though, that this man loves you and together with God the two of you can conquer anything. You are stronger as sharing your story shows!
YES you are bigger and better but y didnt yall just sue instead of threating her she is probably out doing it to other people but im proud of you hope you and your bf have very happy days with out all the crazieness
Glad you grabbed a hold of your strength and are breaking the cycle! Kudos to you…I wish you all the happiness you deserve it!
Congratulations for getting out and for speaking up.
Thank you, Andrea, for sharing your story. Today’s tech makes harassing people so much easier, and scarier. It’s good to share this, and maybe help others not be fooled.
You are incredibly brave for speaking out. I wish much happiness as you move forward.
Amen to that
What an amazingly clear, strong voice you’ve brought to this tale. You’re a wonder.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Breaking the cycle is a good thing. Congratulations!
You are certainly stronger now. I’m so sorry you had to go through so much.
I believe it will end with you.
Thank you for sharing your story. And I wish you all the strength you need to keep being stronger. You are amazing darling.
thank you for sharing…and I am glad it ends with you.