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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Comments
Thank you for sharing. Your story and pain is not comparable-it is yours and it matters.
Anonymous http://dlvr.it/NwHKw
I'm so glad you were able to speak up, I hope you feel the support of all of us.
Thank you for sharing this. Your story is just as important as all of the stories here--abuse takes so many forms, all of them harmful. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and for so many years. I am glad that you have found the strength to speak out. Your courage is inspring.
Please try to avoid comparing your experience to others' experiences - what you went through was every bit as damaging to you as another person's abuse was to them. Just because it wasn't violent doesn't mean it wasn't abusive. Just because you didn't refuse doesn't mean you consented.
We hear you and feel for you here.
I'm glad you spoke out about this. A family member who abuses is difficult to deal with because there is usually no avoiding them - they are always there reminding you of what happened.
From here on out it's not about what happened but what you do with it in your life. Allow the experience to make you wise, mature and strong. You are well on you healing path.
Your family is lucky to have you, because you're strong. And your daughter is lucky to have you, because you'll recognize strangeness when you see it.
I'm glad you were wiling to share with us - the burden of silence can be a lot to bear.
Never doubt your right to speak up.
Take what you like out of this comment and ignore the rest. There is no minimum level of tragedy that qualifies someone to tell their story. You were assaulted. Finding your voice, breaking your silence, is part of the healing process. Welcome to the recovery club. I suspect that your cousin is himself a victim of abuse. It is not normal for a 7 or 8 year old boy to initiate sexual contact. Not like what you have described. He was exposed to it somewhere. I have to agree with Suebob. I strongly encourage you to find counseling to continue on the healing process. Before I married my wife, before we considered having children together, I told her about my molestation. For me, I decided that it was the only fair thing to do. She had a right to know, and to decide whether or not she wanted to become more deeply involved with me. Please consider telling your husband. Unless you’ve held something back about your marriage, he is as committed to your daughter’s health and welfare as you are. He should be told, especially if you are still in contact with the cousin in question. A counselor might help you accomplish this successfully. Secrets don't help marriages.
One of the best things I have ever read is the book "Secret Survivors." There is a portion of the book that explains that these incidents within the family involve a huge mind-fuck that is different from sexual assault with a stranger. It tends to be crazy-making when you have to endure continued contact with a family member who has hurt you, especially when you 'have' to continue to love that person in order to keep the family unit going. It sucks.
I'm glad you had the courage to speak out here. I think it is important to share these things; it's important to take away some of the shame and secrecy. You are not alone - there are many others out there who have experienced something similar.
Just remember, you're a survivor. Whether you blame him or not, you still survived something awful. You have a right to own that.
PLS Support: Anonymous http://bit.ly/enqcDC
You have EVERY right to tell this story
Thank you for speaking out. You are indeed brave to share your story, and I know it will help other people.
The next step you might want to consider, when you feel ready, is to find a therapist who has experience in molestation issues to help you. Shop around and make sure you find someone you are comfortable with. They might be able to help you sort out where to go from here as far as developing a plan to tell others or to deal with your cousin in a way that is safe and healthy for you.
Hugs.
Thank you for trusting us. And for speaking out.
Not small, not insignificant. This took courage.
You are very brave to tell your story and you deserve to have it told. You chose a great forum for people here understand. If there is one thing I have learned that is: Everything is relative. Your experience is different than other peoples' experiences; to some it may be "worse" to some, "not as bad". But it happened and it affected you and you live with it and with it's effects. So I am proud of you for telling, finally, after all this time. It took a lot of courage and self respect to voice your story.
Reading @VUnSilenced Anonymous http://bit.ly/enqcDC
Anonymous: Like so many other stories I’ve read about here before, I find myself questioning whet... http://bit.ly/enqcDC (@VUnSilenced)
THIS is what this website is about. It's not a competition. It doesn't matter whose experience was "worse". It's about breaking the silence and letting go of the shame.
Thank you for telling us. Thank you for caring enough about yourself and your daughter to do the brave thing, to do what you need to do for yourself.
Blessings to you.
You deserve to be validated. You are a survivor and I am proud of you for speaking out. I certainly understand the hesitation for doing so. I was ostracized from a portion of my family and threatened with a lawsuit when I did. But I am so much better for it. I'm finally on the road to healing. And you are too.
Hey hon ... a survivor myself, been working on it 30+ years I reckon.
"I’m thankful that it was never that bad for me." It doesn't matter how 'bad' it was. It adversely affected you, right? That is a definition of abuse. We used to 'minimize' our abuse, too, try to 'justify' it. That's okay - it's part of the healing process. But don't think you aren't justified in speaking out.
Perhaps like me you sometimes 'cooperated'. We (meaning ME, us - MPD) "asked" for it. Begged even. (groomed child). So there's a lot of shame - the 'social stigma' thing. Coming out - telling your tale in supportive places like this helps reduce that shame - makes it easier for you. Over time the shame lessens when you see that the world doesn't condemn you for what was done to you. Yeah, you were a kid; yeah, maybe he was, too - heck, he may have been sexually abused as well. I don't know.
I hope you continue to 'come out', talk to folks. It will help over time. And thanks for being here. Peace to you and yours.
JW
we can all look back and question the why's and why not's, but the answers to those questions (or lack of them) doesn't make your story any less valuable than any others. I am sure there are many of us out there that question whether or not we should share because what happened to us "wasn't as bad" or "didn't go that far", but the pain is still real and deserves to be heard.
thank you for sharing yours.
Thank you for your courage.
I think you have suffered long enough with this. And it does not matter whether you tell this to the world of unknown faces or to someone who is very close to you as long as you tell your story. Everyone deserves a peaceful and warm life- one which is blessed with happiness. And you are no exception. All the best.
xx
You are so brave to finally break the silence.
Thank you for sharing...you'll do well by your daughter.
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