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Today's survivor is anonymous because the family members who still speak to her are readers of her blog.

***

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Many years later, Buy cheap MEGA HOODIA, my older sister thought she might be going crazy and had imagined being repeatedly raped. I confirmed my knowledge of what went on, and shared my helplessness at being unable to stop it, generic MEGA HOODIA. Nobody crossed the monster, BUY MEGA HOODIA OVER THE COUNTER. Nobody. MEGA HOODIA trusted pharmacy reviews, I encouraged her to write him a letter to tell him how it affected her life. His second wife saw the letter and arranged a meeting between the two of them. While they talked, ordering MEGA HOODIA online, his wife told me, Online buy MEGA HOODIA without a prescription, “You know, until now, I had a nice little life." I could only gape at her in horror. BUY MEGA HOODIA OVER THE COUNTER, How could she say such a thing when my poor sister didn't have anything remotely resembling a nice life. Apparently, I ruined her nice little life.

He didn't admit to anything, although he asked me privately if this was about that time we stayed in a motel. Lovely. I don't have any memory of that. Thanks a lot for planting that one in my brain, BUY MEGA HOODIA OVER THE COUNTER. Prick.

My sister didn't really get any closure from this. The only validation she ever got was from me because I was a nosy kid.

I became a pariah in the family for encouraging my sister to speak her truth, and for bursting my stepmother's lovely little bubble. BUY MEGA HOODIA OVER THE COUNTER, I changed my name shortly afterward. The family name felt shameful to me.

None of his younger children (with the second wife) have any clue why he and I do not see eye-to-eye. Now he is near death, and terrified to die. I just attended a family reunion (without my raped sister) and everyone pretended to make nice because it may be the last time we were together before his death. I wanted to go to meet my younger brother's daughter that recently located him. She didn't know what to expect, so I told her we were all very good-looking, funny, and smart, and most of us were assholes.

His violence against my sister scarred me as much as his and his wife's shunning of me until the old bastard was at death's door. I feel dirty that I even attended, but I love my deluded half siblings.

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Comments

46 comments
PattiW
PattiW

Thank you for sharing your story. May you find serenity in your wisdom.
Blessings,
Patti W.

Eaton Bennett
Eaton Bennett

No wonder he was scared when he was dying...

I hope telling this story helps relieve you of some of the ugly burden you've been carrying around and that you experience some freedom from it all.

Eaton

Lillian
Lillian

You gave your sister validation, love and support. That's to be applauded because when you were finally able to help her, you did without hesitation. Thank you for having the courage to share your and your sister's story.

danimo21
danimo21

oh my goodness. i'm so sorry you and your sister both had to deal with horrible molestation and, perhaps even more traumatizing, no one around to validate your experiences. your family should be fucking *ashamed* of themselves; their shunning behavior, even if it's based on a deep longing to remain in the dark about events some part of them knows took place, is *deplorable*. i'm glad that you've since changed your name and still get along with your family and with humor in your life and i'm glad you've gathered the strength to tell your story, and encourage your sister to tell hers, even if it hasn't yet been wrapped in the beautiful drapings of closure. thank you.

Krystal Lily
Krystal Lily

Love and Light to you both,strong, beautiful ones!

I changed my family name too. When shunned by family I told them that they were just as bad as they endorsed rape, torture and mental abuse by supporting the abuser and turning against the victim. I know I caused cracks in their glass houses. I'll never be included in a family reunion but thats ok because I don't want to be associated with their ilk. I feel free for naming him for what he is.

I hope you find in your own ways some healing, peace and freedom from your pain. Thank you for having the strength to stand up for your sister, which I think is the greatest gift next to your love.

Coast Rat
Coast Rat

To Anonymous:

This is so heartbreaking. So very sorry that you and your sisters were subjected to this sick monster. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do about men. A couple of generations ago, I am sorry to admit, it reportedly happened in one of my family lines, too. Very sad. My thoughts and compassion will always be with you.

Angela Giles Klocke
Angela Giles Klocke

Wow...just wow. I don't know the pain from your side of it. I don't even wish to imagine. Somehow, it feels like it would be worse because so many want to protect and then to feel this way. (((HUGS))) Thank you for sharing with us.

pgoodness
pgoodness

Thank you for sharing your story. You have a voice, and I'm glad you let your sister hear it.

tiff
tiff

I hope that with more time you can shed the notion that being a pariah in a broken family is a bad thing. You're strong, capable, and correct in what you've done.

Emily R
Emily R

first, you are a wonderful writer and i wish i knew where you blog.

second, i am a feminist who changed her name upon marriage for just the same reason.

Tricia
Tricia

I've spent much time over the last six months interviewing my mother and her sisters about the sexual abuse they survived at the hands of their father. As children they didn't have the power to help each other, but as adults their voices calm, comfort and validate their experiences, and it's an amazing gift they can now give to each other. Thanks for doing that for your sister and for yourself!

Fran
Fran

I appreciate the courage that it took for you to speak up here. To speak up for your sister. To attend the reunion. You seem like a woman who is compelled to make "right choices." That reflects your inner strength and conviction.

I'm sorry that you are still subjected to the judgment of others (family). I'm glad you were able to express yourself in this forum. Your experiences are heartbreaking. Know that you are loved. I pray for your continued emergence as a victor coming from a background that snarls and entangles you still. Our histories affect us but they don't define us. You are far more than the past that brought you here.

Brandi
Brandi

you're amazing.
i wish peace and love and healing to you and your sister...

we_be_toys
we_be_toys

I'm so glad you were able to be there for your sister, even if it was only to confirm something you were both powerless to avoid. The dynamics of abuse is a subject few families are willing to explore. Good for you both, in standing up and refusing to play silent victim anymore. I wish peace for you both.

FreedomFirst
FreedomFirst

You had every right to attend because he should not be allowed to take your family as well as your childhood from you. As for his wife, what a moron. Arranging a meeting was a really stupid, ignorant thing for her to do as there could not possibly be any closure form something like that. Screw her and her nice little life. You did the right thing. I really hope you and your sister are able to find some love and beauty in your future, even if there isn't much in your past.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Nicole: I never had survivor's guilt because I KNEW I had no voice. When my sister thought she was crazy, it wasn't a choice to speak up. I knew she wasn't,
I knew it happened, and I couldn't NOT stand behind her.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Krista: I did, and it means the world to me, because I thought my experience might be discouraging to survivors.

krista
krista

you might have wondered about what telling this story might accomplish.
if you thought that maybe you would help even one person.....
you have.
thank you.

Becky
Becky

You're amazing. Wow. Honestly, you're an amazing person.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Krissa, I know that you are aware of my aversion to males. My father had a hard life with hard work for little money as a child. He also, I suspect, was privy to his father raping his own older sister. His sister died of liver failure because of her extreme drinking. My grandfather molested my older sister before my father did. I also suspect that my father was sexual with his younger sister. Photographs show an unhealthy attachment, even a controlling stance with her. The same dynamic is present in photographs with him and my older sister. I don't believe that this emerged full blown from nothing. However, those who were exploited and/or exposed to abuse don't always abuse others. He did. And yes, this reunion had me filled with anxiety.

Joie
Joie

The shunning thing? I know it hurts. Brave you for stepping up to claim your birthright and not letting yourself hide on the fringe. This was a very moving post. I believe it resonates in all of us who read it. Well done.

Nicole
Nicole

I'm very glad that I am not at work today. I had to dab at the tears that started to flow as I read it.

I have never been sexually abused, so I can only imagine the added horror of that kind of abuse that was heaped on your sister. But I understand all too well the guilt of not being able to protect someone you love or of being just too damned afraid to try.

I also know how devastating that guilt can be, when years later, you reconcile with it for the first time. So I beg you not to be hard on yourself. You have done a lot to help your sister.

Now you need to help you. You deserve to be happy and guilt-free and free of the devastating burden these experiences have placed on you. Give yourself permission to do this. And if you can't come to grips on your own, PLEASE seek help to do it. The rewards will be worth it.

I wish you peace and happiness. God bless you for sharing and helping others.

Nicole
Nicole

I'm very glad that I am not at work today. I had to dab at the tears that started to flow as I read it.

I have never been sexually abused, so I can only imagine the added horror of that kind of abuse that was heaped on your sister. But I understand all too well the guilt of not being able to protect someone you love or of being just too damned afraid to try.

I also know how devastating that guilt can be, when years later, you reconcile with it for the first time. So I beg you not to be hard on yourself. You have done a lot to help your sister.

Now you did to help you. You deserve to be happy and guilt-free and free of the devastating burden these experiences have placed on you. Give yourself permission to do this. And if you can't come to grips on your own, PLEASE seek help to do it. The rewards will be worth it.

I wish you peace and happiness. God bless you for sharing and helping others.

Frogdancer
Frogdancer

did.

'...did for her.' Damn these typos!!

Krissa
Krissa

Well, your deep seated dislike for all things male, certainly makes sense, now. Bless your heart, the courage it must have taken to attend that reunion! At least your new niece is going to be safe from him, as he doesn't sound well enough to attack anybody anymore.
NOTHING can excuse what he did to you and your sister's lives. Or anybody else he managed to get to, but don't you wonder what happened to him in his youth to make him turn out like that? If anything.
I am wondering if your relationship with your half sister has gotten much closer and are you and she speaking regularly now? It seems like there would be solace there.

Frogdancer
Frogdancer

What you did for your sister was beyond anything that anyone in your family di for her (and probably for you...)

He'll get his. At least you two are free from it and are living the truth.

cat
cat

standing by your sister and what was right is all that it is about - crucifying that SOB is the work of where ever his soul goes after life...

Kay
Kay

I can't imagine the feelings that you deal with resulting from this... but know that backing your sister was the greatest gift you could have given her. Knowing that someone believed her was important.

Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story... I wish both you and your sister the best.

Mark Hundley
Mark Hundley

RT @MaggieDammit I cannot imagine what it wld B like 2 B a kid listening 2 this through the walls. Go read: http://bit.ly/h7QDR <~plz read!

Anonymous
Anonymous

Believe me, I can feel the love and support coming to my sister and I.
It means more than you could know.
I wondered if this story would be helpful to anyone because there was no real resolution achieved. I think though, that finding your voice, whether it is heard or not, is an important part of the healing process.
The inner child will always find a way to shoulder the blame for the evil that others do. As we learn to give love to that child, the blame goes where it belongs.
As Mojo said, small wonder he is terrified of his own death.

Angella
Angella

I cannot fathom having to go through all of that at such a young age. At any age, really.

I am glad for your sister that she had you to validate her and to support her. That is a gift like none other.

iamthediva
iamthediva

i commend you for the courage it took to write that. if i could reach across the internet and give you a million hugs, i would.

Megan
Megan

I can't even imagine having to go through that. Good for you for helping your sister speak.

Mojo
Mojo

"You didn't imagine it, you didn't make it up, and you're not crazy." That's the gift you were able to give your sister later in life. More than a gift, really, that's a life preserver for someone who was drowning.

The more of these stories I read the more convinced I am that the mind has a gating mechanism for horror. Beyond a certain threshold, it simply can't cope and shuts down, refusing to process any more.

Is that insanity?

No, that's survival.

It's what got you and your sister through those years when your biggest worry should have been why Muffy beat you out for head cheerleader or how you were going to score tickets for that concert you wanted to go to.

The truth is sometimes ugly, sometimes even brutal. But the only ones who need to fear it are those for whom it is an indictment. Your father knows this. And this is why he's terrified to die. Because his reckoning is at hand and even though he managed to elude justice in this life, he'll answer for it at some point. And then perhaps you and your sister can have the closure you've sought for so long.

If nothing else, I hope with all my being that telling this has brought you some small bit of peace. Take the love you'll find here and keep it with you always. Keep it in your pocket and rub it for luck when you need it. You can't wear it out, you can't even lose it. It's the closest thing to permanent you'll find in the world.

And there's enough for everyone. Your sister too.

Cat
Cat

Powerful story, thank you for sharing. I can relate to the helplessness.

me
me

You are a GREAT sister, never forget that.

Christy
Christy

God. I'm so sorry...for what happened to you; for what happened to your sister. You were not a nosy kid, you were a victim--as much as your sister was just in a different way. You were in no way responsible for what was going on any more than you could have stopped it. You were simply surviving. My heart goes out to you. To both of you...I wish you peace and love.

PunkOnFire
PunkOnFire

It is so hard to be made the 'bad guy' by family when it comes time to step forward..

I had a similar reaction from my family when I finally talked about things that happened to me. My father even went so far as to compare it to him not correctly recalling who played in the last game of the season on his high school basket ball team.

I'm so glad that your sister has you to lean on and give her validation. Validation is such a *powerful* thing in a situation like that.

pamela
pamela

My heart breaks for you, my anonymous sister. Thank you for sharing your story, and please know you'll be in my prayers today and always.

Mark Hundley
Mark Hundley

I cannot tell you how moved I am as I write this! I was touched so very deeply by this story. My stomach is in knots. My heart is pounding. My throat is tight. My eyes bleed tears. I so admire this young woman for her courage to speak out - to take the risk of becoming that pariah to her family! She is a voice crying in the wilderness! I am hopeful that others will read, take courage in her honesty and speak out as well! Please tell her that my heart goes out to her - that I think of her now in my quiet moments - that I pray for her healing and that of her sister. As a father of two daughters, I cannot imagine the horror of such an atrocity! If peace were mine to bestow, I would grant it freely and abundantly. May they both find that peace in their journeys.

Screwed Up Texan
Screwed Up Texan

Oh my. Thank you for taking the courage to tell your and your sister's stories. This should never happen. Thank you for standing up for your sister and giving her affirmation when she needed it most. You are brave; you are strong. You are helping others.

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