Comments on: Anonymous Blogger

By: Anne

Anne — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 11:18:51 +0000

I understand your pain, I empathize with you. I was gang-raped when I was 15 by 5 guys, one of whom I knew marginally. My mother discovered what happened from the evidence (stains on my clothes) but immediately jumped to the conclusion that I had willingly done whatever had occured. She told me that I seemed bent on bringing home some disease or other to the family. So instead of receiving the soothing comfort of a mother for a daughter I instead felt her recrimination and accusations against me.

Why was I stupid enough to leave the evidence where she could find it? I have no knowledge of coming home that night or what I did. Surely I must have bathed for that seems to be the universal desire even then in the 60′s. But i don’t remember it and I don’t remember putting my new shorts, first time I wore them, in the laundry where common sense would have told me she would see them. But when she held them up to me it was like I was seeing them for the first time, i never knew they were so covered with the evidence left and the site sickened me even more.

Its left me hurt and mistrustful throughout my life that there is anyone there for me, ever.

Congrats to you for sharing. Be well.

By: Mrs4444

Mrs4444 — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 02:35:25 +0000

I’m glad your story has a happy ending. This post will help others who find themselves in the same position. I have to point out, though, that there’s a tiny chance that guy wants to say he’s sorry. you would know better than I, but it did occur to me…

By: Fragrant Liar

Fragrant Liar — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 16:59:04 +0000

Thank you so much for sharing. I share your sorrow that this happened to you and that your supposed friends were not there for you when they should have been. Women especially need to be there for each other. And I’m happy that you won’t allow yourself to continue to be a victim. That you’ve moved on and found happiness in your life with a good man is a testament to your personal power.

I do wonder if too many years have gone by to prosecute this guy, or at least to let others know in a public way what he did so that he might not be able to do this again to anyone else (and who knows, there may be other women he’s done that to). That he goes unpunished for his crime is hard for me to swallow.

My best to you.

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 14:05:12 +0000

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry that your friends were not supportive and didn’t counsel you to go to the police. I’m sorry that guy is so supremely cocky and revolting that could rape a virgin and then ask to be her friend on facebook. That is, perhaps, the most disturbing aspect of your whole story. He took something precious away from you and now he’s basically mocking you and rubbing your face in the fact that he got away with it. I’m glad you stopped him in his tracks before he could get any satisfaction.

I think you are very brave to speak out about it now, and I hope your story helps someone else.

By: ZM

ZM — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 17:30:38 +0000

I can relate to this so much that it’s taken me this long to be able to settle my stomach enough to comment. Thank you so much for sharing it. I do believe that by sharing out stories we can help each other heal.

By: ChurchPunkMom

ChurchPunkMom — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:57:18 +0000

It’s so hard to speak out when you still feel that nagging self-doubt. I still struggle with those doubts myself.. everyday.

Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for telling your story.. for standing up and calling it what it is.

By: Lisa @ Unfiltered Insanity

Lisa @ Unfiltered Insanity — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 18:17:09 +0000

There’s so much of this I could have written myself. Except I was not unconscious. Thanks for sharing this. It makes me braver for when Maggie posts my story. Knowing i’m not alone.

You are so brave. I feel the same way about my own daughters.

By: quin browne

quin browne — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 02:32:40 +0000

date rape is the hardest thing to make people understand happened… been there, so, i understand.

the guy called me the next day and asked me out again, since we’d had, “…..such a good time”

um, yeah.

tell those you feel you can trust, know there are many of us who have had this happen, and we do believe you.

those who don’t? well, are they worth having as friends?

By: anonymous blogger

anonymous blogger — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:42:37 +0000

thank you all for your words. It was such a great release being able to post this. I thank Maggie for opening up this space and thank everyone before me and after who are willing to share their stories, struggles, survival, and hope. thank you so much for the words you have written to me. i have printed these off and put them in my journal to read if ever a time comes (i hope it does not) where i wonder about that night. i will read your words and remind myself that i am strong.

thank you!!!!
<3

By: Mojo

Mojo — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 13:34:01 +0000

How many times a day is this same story written? Pick a campus — any campus. Pick a day — any day. It’s such a common occurrence it’s become a part of the landscape, assimilated into our collective consciousness so thoroughly that nobody notices anymore. Until it happens them… or someone they know. Until Friend A rapes Friend B and the whole world tilts on its axis. Maybe that’s the reason you found no support from your friends. People don’t like it when their world gets turned on its head. Easier to pretend that everything is normal, that it’s okay. Come on, walk it off. It only hurts for a little while.

I hope that if I’d been one of those you’d turned to I’d have done a better job. I hope that if my college student son has a friend who turns to him that he’ll do a better job. But it doesn’t sound like your friends set the bar very high. It doesn’t sound like doing a better job would be terribly challenging.

I have a theory about why you reacted to your husband the way you did… or do. when the original assault took place, your brain wasn’t consciously recording the details, but your body certainly was. The body remembers. It never forgets, even when the brain tells it to. And I’m glad your husband understands this dynamic — or seems to. At least now you have someone to turn to.

I hope you’ve gained some measure of comfort from telling your story here. I’m passing the link on to my son in the hope that he’ll pass it on to his friends and classmates at UNC-G. And that they’ll read it and take careful notes. Not just on how to avoid waking up naked in someone else’s bed, but on how to be a friend to someone who has. By finding the courage to break your own silence, you’ve helped some other young woman find the courage to break hers. Or better still, to avoid finding herself in the same position.

And for that, I’m happy — and grateful — that you failed in your quest to destroy yourself. You would have done the world a great disservice had you succeeded.