Belle
My escape was planned. My body was shaking and the mixture of fear and excitement caused me to wet myself before even stepping through our apartment door – but this momentary mishap was nothing compared to the years of physical and mental abuse I suffered at his hands. I now knew this had to end.
I casually entered the apartment, laid my purse atop our daughter’s stroller and headed up the stairs with my younger sister in tow. When I got to the second floor he was there, standing, waiting for me to explain why he could not reach me at work. I heard his voice but I was making a mental note of my surroundings. He was near the television (farthest away from the stairs), and our daughter, in diapers, was in the swing. My sister was to the side of me, and he was still standing there waiting for a response.
“I was busy today in meetings with my supervisor,” I said, as I’d been instructed to. “Is that not what they told you when you called?”
He looked at me, half-believing my tale, and said, “Well every time I called someone gave me a different story.”
I grabbed our daughter, held her, and said, “Well that is what happened. I was in and out of meetings.”
My sister said then, as casually as she could, that she had to get going, that she heard her boyfriend downstairs — when in fact it was my cousin with the get-a-way car. She slowly headed back down and exited the apartment. This had to be timed precisely or he’d know. He’d always managed to know ahead of time what I was planning, but this moment was different.
I said goodbye to my sister from upstairs and he continued questioning me. I held tighter to my daughter. There was only one shot to leaving his grasp alive and I had to play my part as though aiming for a best actress Oscar nod. He was watching me so closely, still standing but with enough room between us.
I waited for the knock, hoping it would come. The timing had to be precise — if it was too soon he’d know I was scamming him, too late and I might be in more danger than I had expected.
I faced a man who was my personal nightmare. He controlled me through his aggression. I gave him everything down to my sanity. He would threaten my life, throw the contents of my purse on a busy street (I lost my glasses in an incident once.) He’d locked me out of our own apartment when I was pregnant, left me bruised after shaking me in a tub, choked me four months into my pregnancy as others watched, only to tell me to “Get my punk ass up!” He then threw me across the floor, left holes in the wall where his fists made the impact, took a large kitchen knife to the bathroom while I showered (contemplating suicide.) He regulated the hours I got home (I could only go from work to home, home to work), and raped me on two occasions.
The knock finally came and, as practiced, I headed downstairs with my daughter firmly in my grasp, pretending I didn’t know who was at the door. I knew I was leaving for good and my daughter was coming with me.
“Oh hi, sis, what’s up?” I commented loudly enough for him to hear upstairs.
“I forgot my belt,” she responded in the same alto voice.
As we exchanged our “dialogue” I managed to wrap my daughter in a blanket, grab my purse that sat so patiently atop the stroller, close the door behind me and run as fast as my legs could take me to the refuge of my cousin’s car.
As we left, I somehow knew he had not caught on – but my sister remarked that he was looking through the blinds staring at the taillights of the car.
Shortly thereafter, I would make the bold decision to take myself and my daughter to live at a domestic violence shelter. Deputies would eventually find him and arrest him on the charges of false imprisonment, sexual battery-not likely to cause harm, and battery.
Domestic violence cases, I would later learn, are hard to prove. His charges were dropped because there were no witnesses to the incidents that took place, aside from our 4-month-old daughter. I, however, left with my life. There were many people who said that had I stayed, sooner or later I would be dead. I write this story to tell you I’m a survivor and I had a strong support network helping me plan my escape. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of domestic abuse to this day, but I always thank God that he gave me the window of time I needed to escape and live a better life with my beautiful daughter.
Thank you for the opportunity to write this story and for a platform so that others can I read how I survived my escape.
***
Belle blogs at One Latina’s Journey.
42 Responses to “Belle”
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So proud of you… what a phenomenally strong woman you are for your daughter. So, so proud.
Wow.. your story leaves me breathless. What a brave and strong woman you are. Truly an inspiration!
I have chills, but I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what you lived. And you did – you LIVED. Be well, and love to you and your daughter.
How blessed you are to have made your escape. I am glad you had support and were able to get away. I thank God your life was spared and you and your baby got away safely.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope it inspires others, as it does me.
I couldn’t help but cry as I read this. You write it so well… it would be easy to believe that this were imagined, fiction… but you lived it, and you came out stronger and a survivor on the other side.
I am so glad that you got out safely, and so glad you had the support that you needed. Thank you for sharing here.
Oh my…what a terrifying action to take. It takes a brave, brave soul to do what you did. And your sister and your cousin are heros. I wish there were more people who were able to be as supportive and brave as they were.
There could not be a more perfect follow up to yesterday’s Q&A than this story. What you’ve underscored here is the complete control abusers exercise over their victims. I can’t begin to imagine the terrifying life you had. And while I’d guess that most escape plans don’t have to have this degree of timing, you’ve also pointed out how necessary it is to have a plan. Especially when dealing with someone so clearly unstable.
The tension in this story is almost palpable. Just reading it had my heart in my throat. Living it I don’t even want to think about. And yet, somewhere out there someone else — many someone’s — are living it right now. And many of them don’t have the network that you had to assist them. I’m glad you did, for your sake, for your daughter’s sake and for the sake of those who will use your story as an inspiration to make their own escape.
Thank you for having the courage to write it, and the foresight to be around to write it.
Good for you!!! Good for your daughter!!!
I was totally shaking with you. Thank you so much for sharing in a compelling way. I admire your writing.
wow. i have goosebumps reading this! i’m so proud of you for protecting your baby and getting out and good for your sister, for giving you support, when many others might have turned their back on you. take care!
I was on the edge of my seat, begging god he hadn’t caught you.
Congrats on getting away!
May you and your daughter live long and happy!
E-mail me if you need someone to talk to!
I thank God for your escape. May you live a long and prosperous life.
wow.i’m actually speechless after reading that. Congrats to you on both your bravery and getting out. May you and your daughter have nothing but happiness.
You are AMAZING! Kudos to you — and your support network — for getting you the hell out of there.
Kudos to you for your bravery to do this and to share it. You’ve done a world of good for your self and your daughter by getting out. I know how hard this is. But you’ve also done something great for others by showing them that it IS possible to get out and by encouraging family and friends to help their loved ones through.
May the peache and happiness you deserve be yours.
WOW – thank you for sharing your story.
I have chills. You are my hero.
I’m so glad you got yourself and your daughter out.
Sarah
What an amazing story and excellent escape plan. I am so glad that you are on the road to recovery. I wish that you could have seen justice get served, but, in the end, your life and sanity are so much more important than anything which happens to him.
You are amazing and brave. Thanks for inspiring me.
Wishing you a beautiful future full of strength and happiness. Thank you for sharing your bravery and honesty.
Thank you so much for bravely sharing your story – I’m thrilled that you and your daughter are safe.
that was such a brave story! thank you for sharing it
My heart is in my throat. You are a brave, brave woman.
Good for you!! I am so proud and happy that you shared this story – you most definitely ARE a survivor.
Thank you everyone and especially the moderator of this blog for letting me present my story. Maggie you are the best! I am amazed that my story caused so many forms of emotions, I’m happy that I’ve inspired you all. Let me tell you that even after you leave that is when the true battle of being on your own and enduring a new life begins, but it is worth it, I’m thankful to family, friends, and god.
Though I had my sister and cousin help me, there were many more people who encouraged me and helped me to escape from my abuser. Even if you find yourself in a similar situation, it only takes one motivation to change your life for the better (in this case it was my daughter) and one confidante to help you. It could be a coworker, friend, relative, fellow student, teacher, a higher being of your religious preference etc.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”- Confucius
Belle, I am so proud of you. I did not experience what you did to the extent you did, but I can imagine the fear, and the cunning and courage required to get out with your life. Your story inspires strength in others. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you for sharing. I am very glad you got out. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Good for you. Your story gave me chills as I was in a similar situation as a young child (the story will be posted here soon). How very brave of you to get out, and thank you for sharing your story.
there is a refuge near our town and everytime I see those women walking around I am in awe. I think you, and other men and women in similar situations,are so brave. The strength of mind it must take to decide to leave must be huge. I salute you.
Belle, you are a very courageous woman. I’m proud of you for getting out of a horrific situation and for sharing your story so others might learn from what you did.
Congratulations on being free from abuse now. God bless you and your daughter ~ she is lucky to have such a strong mom!
Your story and your courage are breathtaking. I’m so glad you left. So, so glad to that you are able to tell your story and to live your life with your daughter.
this left me breathless. i stand here with admiration and in awe of your courage.
Your story left a chill down my spine – thank you for sharing it. I wish you and your daughter peace from this monster and happiness and respect.
I too, lived a life of terror and now am at peace…some 11 years after my own escape I read your account and felt the same things you did…congrats on getting you and your daughter peace in your life…take it one day at a time and God bless you both!! hugs to you!
Your story is chilling. It sounds like my dreams, which is crazy since I have no idea why I have dreams like that. I always have. I’m so glad you got away and that you had someone to help you. I hope God lets him suffer his punishment in this life, so you get the satisfaction of seeing it.
oh, god. how completely brave you had to be.
no words beyond, “i’m glad you were that brave.”
Wow! What an amazing story! Your courage is inspiring! I hope you find a wonderful new life for yourself and your daughter!
I recognize that fear. You can’t breathe and the man standing in front of you isn’t your friend, lover, husband or anyone you recognize anymore. I’m so glad you escaped dear friend. So many don’t get that chance. (Hugs)Indigo
That you lived through that and survived to tell the tale, my hat goes off and my heart goes out to you!
So glad you made it out.! I’m stunned by your courage and applaud your bravery. Thank you for sharing your voice with us. Bravo!
What a chilling story – the fear in those final moments must have been overwhelming. But you did it… you did what so many aren’t able to do, what so many want to but can’t pull off. You got out.
Thank you so much for sharing here…