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Comments

7 comments
MrLady
MrLady moderator

Really prolonged physical, emotional, and trust violations are going to take a really long time to overcome. Be gentle with yourself. You didn't do this, and you didn't deserve this, and this will never ever happen to you again so long as you keep talking about it and giving it away to other people who can help you carry it. We are glad to hear your story, and to help you shoulder this. You're doing great - even the crying and the cutting and the introversion, they're all part of the process. Keep talking. We will keep listening. 

thatsjackstoyou
thatsjackstoyou

Thank you so much for sharing all this. I was abused in ways that were violent and rough and I was abused in ways that were gentle and felt like I should have been able to stop it or just say no. The latter was far and away the worst because it messed so badly with my mind. But you were not at fault. You were too scared to say no and that tells you that he had power over you and you were not the one in control. You know how they always talk about "fight or flight" when there's danger? Well now they know there are two other things that happen when we know there's danger, "freeze" and "submit". Our mind shuts down and just goes with whatever the attacker wants. It's a way of staying alive and not doing something that may cause further violence. I think that's what happened for you. I'm so sorry people were so cruel to you when you told. You deserve to be comforted and supported and to know that you didn't do anything wrong. You can trust your feelings about this. They're telling you that you were badly hurt. You're not a whiner, but it would feel like that because of those who didn't take you seriously. Even your dad's feelings about not being able to touch you make it seem like you should just never mind about it. That's not fair. What happened to you was terrible and terrifying and very, very, very hurtful. 

Scoblitz
Scoblitz

Brittany, thank you for sharing your story, I know that is difficult but giving it words is so empowering. You are so right, his own history with abuse doesn't excuse his actions - it was wrong and you are not at fault. You are a survivor, you are proving that each and every day and I hope that you continue to take the support that you are given - you are not alone.

SarahPMiller
SarahPMiller

Brittany, thank you SO much for sharing. I am terribly sorry that you went through this and that you're still in so much pain. 

 

One thing I do know absolutely and without a doubt: this was NOT your fault. It wasn't. He was the one who was wrong.

 

I encourage you to reach out and get some additional support. You're not alone. My wish for you is that you are able to find healing and peace, now and in the future. 

omgrey
omgrey

It's not your fault, nor are you a whiny baby. Not in the least. You experienced ongoing boundary violation and sexualized violence from a family member, and that is extremely traumatizing. I'm glad to hear your screams scared him away before his violence and bullying became rape, but what you've experienced is no less assault or highly traumatizing. I'm sorry to hear you lost your best friend. You are not alone. Speaking out about sexualized violence is a sure way to find out who your real friends are. I did, and I had far, far, far fewer than I thought. Every survivor I've ever spoken with has gone through the same thing. You are not alone. It is not your fault, and you heartily deserve support. May you find peace.

CrysWiltshire
CrysWiltshire

You are most certainly a survivor and none of this was ever your fault. I went through years of sexual abuse when I was very young with my ex-stepfather. I never fought him or said no for the same fears as you. For years, I thought that made it my fault. That I led him on. It has taken therapy and support from loved ones, but I am now a grown women, a mother and I know that none of what happened was my fault. Keep leaning on your support. Talk about it when you need to and see other help if you think it could help you with some resolution. Speaking up is the first sign that you are strong and you will get through this. You will learn to trust again and be happy. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

StacyMorrison
StacyMorrison

You are a survivor, and it was not your fault. Even reading your story made me feel that inner cringe of "Please, god, no," and to think how long you have lived with that feeling.... I'm glad you were able to tell your family and get their support, and that your current boyfriend can try to understand. Keep talking your way through this, and keep your head up. You are powerful and strong -- strength and pain can co-exist, don't ever forget that -- and thank you for sharing your story. Sending you admiration, and hugs.

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