In Memoriam (by Maggie, dammit)
When I was in eighth grade I was jealous of this girl named Tracy. She attended a neighboring school and she was beautiful; long, dark hair, gorgeous eyes, thin. Our basketball teams played against each other and I used to watch her from my usual spot on the bench while my boyfriend watched her from the crowd. I wanted to be her. In that teenage angsty way, I wanted her life. I thought she had everything.
Four days ago, Tracy’s body was found in the trunk of her own car, along with the body of her two-year-old daughter. Across town, another beautiful young woman and her own 2-year-old daughter were found shot to death. The suspect, still at large, is the father of both dead children.
Today I’m feeling wretchedly grateful for a life that is mine, not anyone else’s. But I have to admit something awful. In times like this, my faith in what we’re doing here is shaken.
I’ve had a few days to stew inside this and I think, the older I get, the better I understand that faith is something that needs to be actively nurtured. You can’t just ignore it and expect it to be there when you need it. Much like love, it has to be nearly lost over and over again so that you’ll appreciate it, so that you’ll really know its worth. We have to want faith, actively fight for it, like a privilege instead of a right. We have to scrape ourselves out of bed when we just don’t want to. We have to stand up and fight another day.
Yes, I think I lost my faith for a few hours this weekend. Maybe even a day or two. But I am getting it together and I am working hard to believe and I am remembering every brave, gracious word ever printed on Violence UnSilenced, both by triumphant survivors and by you who support them. You are all so important. I know this is worthwhile work. I also know we may not ever see a resolution. I guess faith means continuing to do it anyway.
I’ve decided not to run survivor stories on Violence UnSilenced this week. Instead, I’ll be posting an interview with the executive director of Domestic Abuse Intervention Services.
I also want this week to serve as a place-marker in time for those who never had the opportunity to speak out here. I want to give a hat tip to their souls.
Tracy. Amber. Deja. Neveah. I pray you find the peace in your resting that was stolen from you in your life. Now that you’ve put your burden down, I hope the rest of us will pick it up.
Survivor stories will resume next week.
####
Cross-posted at Okay, Fine, Dammit
Violence UnSilenced on Momocrats, plus a VU refresher
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, and I’m thrilled to tell you there are several news outlets that have asked to highlight Violence UnSilenced. What you are all doing here is so important, and more and more people take notice each day. I’m so proud of you all.
Editor and writer Julie Pippert featured Violence UnSilenced today on Momocrats. It’s a lovely article and I encourage you to check it out.
I thought this might be a good time to offer a quick refresher on the Violence UnSilenced project. Please pass this post on; it is highly likely you know someone who needs it, whether you realize it or not. Domestic violence and sexual abuse/assault impact all of our lives.
* Violence UnSilenced features two survivor stories each week, on Monday and Thursday at noon central time. At this point in time I don’t want to run them more frequently, because I want each survivor to have sufficient time to garner support from the community.
* Anyone can have his or her story posted on Violence UnSilenced. You don’t have to be a “writer”, you don’t have to be a blogger, you don’t have to go through an approval process.
* This site is not just for survivors. Perhaps just as importantly it’s for non-survivors to listen to and support the brave people willing to speak out. Each comment is so important. You can also show your support and help spread the word about VU by “taking the pledge,” wherein you paste this badge on your website and I add your blog to the blogroll.
* Violence UnSilenced is not a forum. It is not a space for debate, or free and open discussion. This is a safe space, and only supportive comments are tolerated.
* If you would like to submit your story, email it to me at maggie [at] violenceunsilenced [dot] com and I will add it to the queue. Please try to keep your post between 700-900 words. Due to the number of submissions it may take me a day or two to respond. If you do not hear from me within three days please resubmit.
* PLEASE DO NOT POST YOUR VIOLENCE UNSILENCED STORY ON YOUR OWN BLOG. We can work together on supplmentary posts, but fresh material here is appreciated.
* I will never run your story without contacting you first. You will always have some warning, and the opportunity to make additional changes to your piece.
* Since Violence UnSilenced launched in February 2009, we’ve had a several month wait list. Submissions, with some exceptions, are run in the order in which I receive them.
* We have added a Wednesday Q&A feature. If there is something you would like to know about domestic violence and/or sexual assault, please email our volunteer expert Carrie K. at carrie [at] violence unsilenced [dot] com.
Thank you again to every single one of you for making this site possible. Thank you, Mojo, not only for the badges and your insightful comments and relentless promotion of VU, but for dealing with every single technical issue that arises. Thank you, Samantha, for your mad design skills and donated hosting fees, not to mention the barage of there’s-no-such-thing-as-a-stupid-question emails you get from me. Thank you, Carrie, for stepping up and running the Wednesday Q&A on your own, your only payment a whole bunch of grins from me. Thank you to every single one of you who has taken the pledge, who has left a supportive comment, who has shared and retweeted posts.
Most of all, thank you to the brave survivors. If you were not willing to speak out, there would be no Violence UnSilenced. I’m eternally grateful for your bravery.
As I said in the Momcrats interview, I firmly believe in the power of speaking out, in calling domestic violence what it is. I truly believe each one of us has a mandate to empower survivors by stripping abusers of their favorite weapons: secrecy and shame. I believe we can do this by talking about it constantly. Normalizing it. Really listening to and supporting those who speak out.
Thank you all for being the change.
***
For a reminder of what else you can do to honor National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, read this recent Q&A.
Please help Violence UnSilenced if you can
I got word this week that Coco nominated Violence UnSilenced for SocialLuxe Lounge’s Most Inspiring Blog. I’m not very good at pimping these kinds of things but when it comes to spreading the word about Violence UnSilenced I swallow hard and I do it so here I am. I know that there are still all kinds of survivors who don’t yet know about what’s going on here, men and women and kids who have stories to tell that will bring healing to themselves and countless unknown others. The winner of Most Inspiring Blog will be recognized at BlogHer — this seems like a fantastic opportunity to reach a whole bunch of people and I’m so grateful to Coco for the nomination.
You are allowed to vote once a day every day, and voting closes July 6.
Thanks for considering it, and for your continued support of this site. I’m so proud of all of you and I’m honored to be in your presence.
***
(If you have any trouble navigating the BlogLuxe site, Mojo has put together a handy dandy guide because he is this VU’s biggest champion and that is a fact. Thank you Mojo!)
What have you always wanted to know about domestic violence and sexual assault?
When I started this website you people stepped up in a way that blew my mind, and you have continued to amaze me. You nurture a forum that supports our survivors, and if you ever wonder whether or not you are making a difference in the lives of these contributors believe me, you are. Just read the comments they leave in response to yours. Naimhe‘s response to the comments on her own post had me bawling like a baby, I’m not ashamed to say it — and it’s not the first time, either. We are doing something here, something good and important. Trust.
Today I’m reaching out to you once again. Because I know you’ll rise to the occasion, again.
I know you’ve got questions. I know this because you email me privately, or you gently ask them in the comments. Those of you who have reached out have gotten the same wistful response from me: I don’t know. I’m not an expert. I wish I was, but I’m not. I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry.
So.
I have enlisted the help of a true expert, and she has agreed to host a weekly Q&A in this space. From here on out we will devote each Wednesday to answering your questions. You can ask as a survivor, or you can ask as a supporter. What counts as abuse? What do I do if I suspect abuse? You get the idea.
I am closing comments on this post because I’d like you to submit your questions via email. I think we’ll all be more honest this way, and we don’t risk making the survivors uncomfortable — which is always my first priority.
So, please. Email me at maggie [at] violenceunsilenced [dot] com with your questions, and we’ll see how it goes. From the very beginning we’ve been figuring this out as we go along and this new development is no exception, so I don’t know exactly how it will turn out; I just know and trust that you’ll continue to make this space yours. If I haven’t told you lately, I am so unbelievably grateful for what you have done here, for what you continue to do. Thank you, once again.
Ask away.
