Christine
My father used to tell me, “If you stand up to a bully they won’t bother you anymore.”
I always thought that was easy for him to say because his wife and three young children were no match for his 220 lb., almost 6 foot tall frame.
Oh, I tried to hold my ground. As a toddler I was already aware of my father’s deep rooted anger and his controlling ways. I used that knowledge to ignite the fire in him. I liked to walk past him, and as I blatantly glared in his direction, I would jump into my mother’s lap and cuddle up to her.
In other words, I liked to fuck with him and it made him furious.
I suppose that could be a reason for his need to break me. Not that he seemed to need a reason to break any of us.
I was beat down, physically and emotionally. I learned to keep my mouth shut. And my instigating glare turned into a dead stare at the floor. I couldn’t look at him because he always took it as a challenge. And THAT would make things worse.
I believe he felt I was the one he needed to control the most. I think he felt the most intimidated by me because he knew how much I hated him. Though that feisty toddler I had once been was long gone, he knew I had the same temper and fire in me that he had. And he was unsure if I would ever turn it on him.
My mother walked on eggshells around him for most of my childhood and into my teen-aged years. She did what he said or she paid the price. He had weakened her into a scared little mouse. My sister was born with a mild case of Cerebral Palsy and my brother was five years younger than me. In my heart I felt the need to protect them.
When he would inflict one of his alcohol induced rages on someone, I always found the need to enter the room. It was my way of cushioning the verbal blows; because if I were in the room, his attention always became directed at me. No matter what the circumstances were. He would spew his “lectures” for hours and I would sit there, silently and accept it all.
I didn’t mind my role. I didn’t care what he said to me or what he did to me. And there was plenty he did. I was taking the brunt so my family wouldn’t have to.
Sometimes this worked and after he vented and blew off stream, just like that, it would be over. But other times we weren’t so lucky.
Other times there were heavy glass ashtray’s smashed into his wife’s nose. Or a fist that blackened his son’s eyes. Or the time that an eleven year old girl, who had just had her ears pierced, was thrown into a wall so hard, that her new earring had been ripped from her ear, leaving it painfully bleeding.
When I was about nineteen, during dinner one night, he began one of his rants. I can’t recall the reason but I remember, quite clearly, the outcome. As he screamed at my mother, she got up from her seat. He chased her across the kitchen and pinned her against the counter. He began to choke her.
I looked at the faces of my siblings and could no longer sit in silence.
I stood, ran toward my father, grabbed him by the arms, and threw him across the room. I then braced myself between him and my mother.
He stared at me with a look of astonishment. I am sure I had the same look on my face.
“ENOUGH!” I shouted.
Then I smirked and in a disgusted laugh I said, “THAT’S what I have been afraid of all of these years? YOU ARE NOTHING! NEVER touch any of us again.”
As I said this, my brother and sister stood up and placed themselves in front of my mother. My father simply left the room.
My father lost control of us that evening. He lost his power. Shortly later he moved out and we moved on.
“If you stand up to a bully they won’t bother you anymore.”
I guess he was right about something.
###
Christine (Mrs. Schmitty) writes at It’s A Schmitty Life (http://www.aschmittylife.com).
Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Comments
Thank you all for your kind comments and for letting me share my story with you.
As one, whom has stood between the Bully and Bullied, I salute you for your bravery and admire your strength. Peace and Prayers to you.
Abusers are bullies. Bullies are abusers. They get away with it because they can. They are so small and try to make us feel smaller.
Good for you for showing him you were the bigger person all along.
Wow. I can't say anything else.
Wow. Just...wow.
I've gotta say, I honor the feisty toddler in you who never completely disappeared. May she *never* disappear.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Reading @VUnSilenced Christine http://bit.ly/ixUjlH
Reading @VUnSilenced Christine http://bit.ly/ixUjlH
Yes. YES. Thank you for sharing this.
I am glad to read that you stood up to him. Thank you for sharing your story.
Glad this ended (relatively) well. Hope it inspires other readers!
Happy tears. So proud of you for standing up to the abuse and insisting that it stop. Its something a child should never have had to do in the first place...I am sorry for your lost childhood, and I am grateful for your strength.
Christine http://dlvr.it/QPCbk
You are amazing.
Damn.
That is amazing. I can feel the power in your words and in your actions. Thank you, both for taking care of yourself and your family, and for sharing your experiences with us.
Amazing. Thank you for sharing your story, thank you for being the change your mom couldn't. Thank you for speaking out, hopefully - so others can have the courage to be that change.
Christine: My father used to tell me, “If you stand up to a bully they won’t bother you anymore.” I always thoug... http://bit.ly/ixUjlH
Christine: My father used to tell me, “If you stand up to a bully they won’t bother you anymore.”... http://bit.ly/ixUjlH (@VUnSilenced)
Good for you Christine! My dad bullied my mom a lot while growing up but she was no match for him. I stood up to him in my early twenties and my mom decided enough was enough, so we have both stopped talking to him. He came back five years later with apologies, but it was too little too late. So many years of damage that his remorse rang empty in our ears. I feel guilty for turning my back, but when I'm reminded of how he had turned his back against us all the years I was growing up, I realize this is for the best. And I move on.
This. Is. Magnificent.
Bravo!
Kick ass, Sea Bass! Sorry. I have an adrenaline rush right now. But I'm sure you understand THAT, Christine.
Great writing. Great actions.
How did that affect you? Your mother and siblings? Did you all seek therapy to regain who you once had been? Did your mom still walk on eggshells?
Do you still like to fuck with people on occasion? I hope so. As long as you don't bully them. ;)
Brava, Sistah! And thanks for sharing your brave story of kick-assedness. You're reminding us that we all have that strength within us.
Good for you, Christine. You have a brave heart.
Wonderful story! Thank you so much for sharing!
Oh wow, I have chills just reading those words. You are inspirational!
Good for you for standing up to him. And thank you for sharing.
Brava! Bravo!
My heart jumped for joy at the end of this story.
His Power was NOTHING.
You took it away from that BIG BULLY :)
Sooooooooooo proud of you xxxx
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