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BUY MEFENOREX NO PRESCRIPTION, I don't drive on Thursdays.  Thursdays I go to therapy and open up my box of secrets...

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My pants and underwear are off and I feel the toy pushing against my vagina.  My skin tingles.  I am tense and anxious and I can't breathe under the blankets.  The hard plastic is uncomfortable and my muscles push against the intrusion, which makes it hurt more, rx free MEFENOREX. Buy MEFENOREX without a prescription, I squeeze my eyes shut and I breathe hard and desperately hope I will pass out. It's so hot and stuffy but I am still awake and I still feel the pressure between my legs, buy cheap MEFENOREX no rx, Online buy MEFENOREX without a prescription, the toy twisting and digging and trying to find a way into my body.  After what seems like forever and I am drenched in sweat, feeling dirty and ashamed and wondering how I can make this all stop without admitting that it's actually happening, order MEFENOREX online overnight delivery no prescription, Purchase MEFENOREX for sale, I float out of my body.

I am not there...but somehow I know when something gives and the toy rocket pushes into my vagina.  It fills me and it's too much and I imagine myself splitting open.  My muscles rebel, squeezing and pushing the toy out again but it is easier now for B to slide it back inside of me over and over.  She pushes it as far up as she can and then tells me to touch it, MEFENOREX from canada, MEFENOREX steet value, to do it myself.  I touch the protruding edges of the rocket with my fingers while the hard plastic toy invades my body...

I am disgusted.  I know I'm bad for doing these things with B.  She tells me about a slumber party she went to where she put her arm into her friend's vagina.  I picture it and wonder if she will do this to me, too?  I don't want her to visit anymore.

After this confession I feel confused, disoriented, unreal, dangerous.  I know more memories will come to me now that the box is open.  I worry that I can't keep myself from driving off the road on my way home.  I decide I will no longer drive on Thursdays.

###
Crystal (EwokMama) blogs at Parenting Left of the Middle.
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Comments

29 comments
kim sisto robinson
kim sisto robinson

~~How brave of you to write this tragic memory of abuse down.
Hugs to you from Minnesota. xxoo

Vanessa
Vanessa

Thank you for sharing your story. <3

Aerin
Aerin

Glad you are taking the steps toward healing... you strong and you will make it. Thanks so much for sharing.

lisa
lisa

The boxes probably need to be open so those kind of memories can float away and you can heal. Blessings for your journey. You are strong, you can do this...

Pgoodness
Pgoodness

I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your story. It will get easier

Gina
Gina

By going to therapy and sharing with us here, your "box of secrets" has begun to loose its power. It's power came from secretiveness and shame. Shedding light on the contents of that box will continue to make it relinquish its power over you. You will be free of those burdens!

While it feels weird at first to expose what's in the box, you'll discover that you've found "real." Soon real will feel normal and your feelings of shame and doubt will be what feels unreal. It's just that you've lived so long keeping the secrets, you've forgotten what it feels like to be free of them.

My wish for you is that you are soon free to experience the here and now without being haunted by these secrets from your past. Keep up your good work! Your bravery in sharing your story is inspirational!

Richard
Richard

Please keep going to therapy. One day you reach the bottom of the box, and it will be wonderful. Thank you for sharing your story.

Melody~
Melody~

My soul is quaking reading this and my heart is ready to explode. I too am not yet ready to share, but maybe reading the stories here can help me find the key I swallowed so long ago.

Barnmaven
Barnmaven

What was done to B and to you was so wrong. My heart goes out to you as you uncover your memories of abuse. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have to dredge up horrible memories so that you can heal from what happened. Thank you so much for sharing your story here and for helping to end the culture of silence surrounding abuse.

Laura
Laura

Thank you for sharing your story. Giant hugs to you.

carrien
carrien

It's hard for me to breath and I'm dizzy reading this. I have such a physical response to stories like this.

I understand not driving. I was there once. I'm not anymore. My story is different.

I know you can find your way through and be stronger on the other side. Think of this courage it took to write this. There's more where that came from.

Maura
Maura

That had to be terribly difficult to share. Thank you for braving it and telling your story.

FLO
FLO

Thank you for telling my story when I feel as though I can't. Thank you for opening your box on Thursdays. I have been trying to open my box on Thursdays for almost 4 year...I still can't. Maybe because you shared your story today - tonight might be different.
I am so sorry that our 8 year old selves had to go through this "alone." You are not alone. Neither am I. Thank you for speaking up.

Jennifer
Jennifer

my heart breaks for you and for B. You are so very brave to put this out there. Thank you.

nic @mybottlesup
nic @mybottlesup

i am so sorry for the trauma you have endured and the box that you are opening. i commend you for opening the box and for sharing your story. and i wish you much peace and healing.

MommaKiss
MommaKiss

thank you for sharing your story.

diane
diane

thank you for this. no child should be worried about not being believed.

Suebob
Suebob

Thanks for being brave enough to share your story. I hope parents who read this will believe their kids when they tell them something isn't right.

kateanon
kateanon

It is difficult to look back on this, and even more so to live with the words out loud. Thank you for sharing, I wish you all the best. I totally understand the not driving, I have those moments myself.

Jan
Jan

So sad for B and for you. No child should have to experience the things you did.

But also glad you're taking care of yourself now, the way you need to. It takes a particular kind of strength both to willingly open the box and to recognize that not-driving is a way to give yourself what you need to feel safe in the here and now.

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

pamela
pamela

Big huge hugs, Crystal.

SheilaW
SheilaW

So glad to hear you are coming out on the other side of this, we're rooting for you!

thepsychobabble
thepsychobabble

I'm aching for the little girl you were. And the little girl your friend was. It's maddeningly sad. I'm glad the adult you is facing the awfulness.

karen
karen

I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing. Be well

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