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I had handmarked-bruises on both arms and shoulders for the next week. I avoided his calls.
He apologized; I went back to him.
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The hotel that was supposedly "all taken care of" fell apart. We ended up at one of his friends' houses, where his childhood friend (a girl) proceeded to try to pick a physical fight with me. MODALERT FOR SALE, He walked away, going to the bathroom to drop some acid. He passed out on a bed, but not before he called his childhood friend into the room, pulling on his belt buckle. I drove home.
The week after prom, random people started telling me about the girls he was talking to when I wasn't on campus. His own sister told me he was sleeping with one of her friends. My then-best friend called me to apologize about Spring Break, and begged to "make it up to me."
The night of graduation, she showed up at the ceremony with him, MODALERT FOR SALE. I have pictures of the three of us standing there together, and now I look into my young face and am dumbfounded that I allowed myself to be treated so badly.
I went to Project Graduation, and she "made it up to me" by going with me. By the time that was over, he was drunk and passed out in his own vomit in a friend's backyard. I stuck a note in his pocket, telling him it was over. MODALERT FOR SALE, I avoided his calls. I got tested for STDs.
It ended badly. I was a sobbing mess. I begged, pleaded, ranted, screamed. I was so angry at him, for cheating on me, for making me look like a fool, for dragging me down a road I didn't want to go down, MODALERT FOR SALE. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I wanted him gone, but I cried when he told me he was done with me.
I didn't return his last phone call.
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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
I know how difficult it was for you to walk away. I admire you for walking. I spent 20 years in a similar situation. I can reassure you that things would have gotten worse for you, never better. Try to find some programs to build your self confidence and self worth. It helps.
Best to you always.
I'm so glad that you were able to break free from the terrible cycle of violence you were caught up into!
Thank you for sharing. I'm so happy you've chosen better for yourself. You deserve so much better than this.
Thank you for sharing. You poured your heart out, and I am glad you trusted all of us with your story.
Thank you for sharing this. I had a boyfriend in high school who treated me in much of the same way. I understand how you can get sucked in and have a horrible time getting away.
How wonderful that you have survived some of the poor choices all of us make in life. You should congratulate yourself on finding the strength and wisdom to see how important and valuable you are. So many of us struggle a lifetime figuring that out. Thank you for sharing your story and helping others.
As I always say, "You did then what you thought you had to do." Forgive yourself...you needed comfort, an escape, etc.
You are so brave, and so awesome.
Thank you so much for the courage to share your story so others may learn from it. You are so strong to have survived so much!
I don't know you but I do. "Tragically familiar" was the thought that kept coming back to me. As long ago as high school was for me, you cold have been any one of a hundred girls I knew back then. It seems there's never been a shortage of abusive asshats. Not even 30-odd years ago. We just didn't know what to call it (or them) then.
But I want you to understand one thing if nothing else. None of what happened to you was your fault. Just like a hundred girls I knew back in the day, you were looking for something, someone, and thought you found him. That did not give him license to treat you this way. There's nothing that grants that kind of privilege to one person over another.
Maybe you already realize that. Maybe you don't look back and second guess yourself and wonder if just maybe you did something to invite this. Trust me, you did not. And there is no reason whatever for you to shed one more tear over that guy.
But as a couple of people have already pointed out, there's some good in all this. You learned at a much younger age than most that it's not okay to be treated this way. You learned it before you were completely alienated from your family and those who would support you. And this gives you an insight, an advantage as you go forward.
So go forward. And do it boldly. Do it with the wisdom you've gained form your experience and live well.
Thank you for this. Your voice, when joined together with all the others will make a noise so loud that the silence will shatter under the very weight of it.
i, of course, don't know him, but i hate him for treating my friend that way. just look at the amazing wonderful woman you've become...I'm so glad you found the strength to get away from that. love you honey
"[i]t was too late: my heartstrings were all tangled in his fists." That line spoke to me like nothing I've read for quite a while.
It is a true testament to your character and fire for life that you were able to escape and still be the amazing person you are today. You inspire me.
thank you for sharing. you are stronger than you know. you are bigger than this. this is your past. it made you stronger. bigger, better. you will wake up tomorrow and realize that every day is an opportunity to start over and walking out was your way of starting over. and when you feel weak, come back here and read all of this. and start over. you are so strong, and beautiful and brave. never ever ever forget that.
Thank you for sharing. It really is so very hard to get out of a relationship like this. I don't know why we can become so self-destructive. Good for you that you did get out.
You are so brave and strong to share your story. Thank you for sharing your story sweetness. I love you so much!
Brave young woman. You DO deserve better, but don't beat yourself for the choices you have made. Learn from them and become even stronger. I pray you find complete healing and peace.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It took a lot of courage to walk away from such an abusive relationship.
Oh, Danielle.. what a story. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is so important for so many to hear. Sometimes I wonder at all the things I let boys do to me in my teens and I want to go back and just smack myself with a clue-by-four. While I didn't have much of a problem with being assertive, I did have a problem with knowing how to say no. I sucked at it. And boys felt more than welcome to take advantage of it. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do, though really they should have known better than to treat a girl that way. And really, the power is not always in our hands as much as we might think it is. There's no reason to blame yourself for getting involved with him, he didn't have a sign on his forehead that read 'abusive asshole', did he? If anything, you should congratulate and thank yourself for getting out alive and surviving it.
Danielle, I admire your sharing this. Thank you.
I think it's so important to lay out the anatomy of a relationship like you did - it makes me understand why it is so hard for some to leave such a relatiosnhip even though there is abuse. I think all people want to trust that people will change, but I'm so proud of you for doing what you did, learning from it and surviving. You're an amazing woman and we can all learn something from this story.
This is a story many will be helped by. You quit him. Others can quit, too. I'm sorry it was your story.
Thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes we don't truly see how bad the choices we make are until too late. I hope that life has continued to get better for you through the years.
Pretty heavy stuff for anyone to deal with – much less a teenager. Teens have their own host of issues to battle and overcome; this shouldn’t be one of them. Glad you got out and that you got out when you did.
The best news (beyond the getting out) is that you did it with your whole life ahead of you. It was a hard lesson but it sounds like you’ve learned it and it won’t happen again. You know what love is and – just as important – you know what it’s not. People who love you don’t do those kinds of things to you. You are brave and strong and smart and you deserve SO MUCH better.
You’ve not only given yourself a great gift by getting out, but others, too, by sharing your story. I hope you find the peace and happiness that you deserve.
Yours is such an important story to tell. I'm so glad you're free of him and his abuse. I know it's easy to blame yourself for picking him, but that's all you did. You picked him. He did the rest. All of it.
Wishing you peace...and thank you for sharing this with us.
oh love... my eyes welled up with tears throughout reading this entire post, but when i saw who indeed this brave survivor is at the bottom of the post, when i saw that it was you, danielle, the tears streamed down my face.
i'm so sorry that you endured years of this agony, constant pain.
you are so brave. so very VERY brave.
thank you for sharing this.