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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.

Comments

74 comments
J.S
J.S

Do you see all of these people that care about you? I pray you do. You are not wrong. Things that happened to you are.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Thank you for sharing. This is so very painful. I know it's been said, but you are not alone.

Emily R
Emily R

i think what hurts at our age is realizing we never get to experience the world without the lens of what happened to us. that is tough to process.

melistress
melistress

Sometimes the worst damage comes not from your abuser, but from those who are supposed to be supporting you. You are not alone. Please hold on.

mary
mary

As others have said - you did NOT deserve what was done to you! You are NOT a bad or defective or failed person. Please get the help you need and DESERVE to heal these scars...it can be done..it takes time..it is a process....
First you learn how to survive with all of the pain - you are doing that now...secondly you learn how to comfort yourself and work without overwhelming yourself....finally you unpack the memories one at a time and drain their power, so that they do not hurt anymore....
altho it happens more as a spiral than as a 1-2-3 line...but YOU can do it, and you DESERVE to feel better....and someday even happy!
will keep you in my thoughts.

Sunny
Sunny

You are most definitely not alone. Please get help, you deserve so much better than what you're going through. I'm praying for you.

Kelly
Kelly

Honey, there is nothing wrong with YOU. You're simply dealing with the aftermath of a horrible situation. With where you are, and what you're dealing with, writing and submitting this was a HUGE step, and I'd like to think it's an indication that as much as you might think you want to die, there's a part of you that wants nothing more than to live a healthy, whole, HAPPY life.
Keep reaching out, keep seeking help. You deserve to be happy.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth

hang on, sister. call one of the hotlines listed above. stay online. just stay connected to someone until the suicidal thoughts pass. there is help for you. you are worthy. you are valuable. you are LOVED. saying a prayer for you right now, Elise.

Lucie @ UO
Lucie @ UO

You are not alone.

What happened to you was terrible, and it is no surprise the scars still have not healed and cause you pain. I hope you find what it takes to hang in there. Wishing you much love and peace.

Beaker
Beaker

You are not alone.

It won't be like this for long. Please hang in there until it gets better. Celebrate all the little good things in life, eventually they'll add up.

{{{hugs}}}

Debs
Debs

As you have heard numerous times, you are not alone. We are all here to listen, talk. You deserve happiness, and to find the help that you need ((hugs))

Liz
Liz

You are not alone. You're not. You're not. You're not. Hang on and don't let go.

Fran
Fran

Elise, I echo all who've said "You are not alone." You are loved. Do you feel the love coming at you here, through these comments? Through the support of "strangers"? You may feel like God abandoned you, and you certainly suffered in an environment where people should have protected you...but God does love you and God has good things in store for you. Trust that.

Your speaking out here took a lot of courage and I'm grateful to see you claim victory over the story, instead of keeping it a shameful secret. My older brother peeked under the bathroom door when I was getting out of the shower. I know the shame I felt, and the betrayal found in my parent's reaction. That was nothing compared to what you've had to deal with.

I pray that you are able to break free and live the life you were destined for.

SimplyLeen
SimplyLeen

There's already some great advice and wonderful, uplifting encouragement in here. Not sure I have anything brilliant to say after what has already been said.

I can only say.... I have 3 biological brothers and a biological father, but I have no family other than those I gave birth to. I've been where you are. Find some help. Reach out to a counselor. Search for a group session nearby, if possible. There is hope. Hope can be such a f-er, huh? Sure it can. But, believe me. The best revenge for what they did to you is living a glorious life. It's out there waiting for you on the other side. Trust me. I know.

(((u)))

pamela ~ the dayton time
pamela ~ the dayton time

You are not alone.
Please don't let them win.
You are worth so much more,
you are so much better than you've been treated.

Suni
Suni

This really enrages me more then anything.

Just read this, you are not alone in the world! This is all that you get, and it's a shame that you had to start off in such a horrific way, but you still have a chance! Since you are still here it's obvious that you are a strong person

It sucks that you where surrounded by disgusting animals your whole life, but you can still pull through and be the strong beautiful person that you deserve to be.

You are dealing with something that no one should ever have to deal with, but there is a way through! You are not alone in all the things that happened to you

You are not an object even though you have been treated like one, and, once again, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Love and best of luck to you.

Mary
Mary

Elise, first off you are NOT alone! I for one am sitting right here reading every word you have said and understanding the pain you have went through and are now going through. If I may be so bold as to suggest some resources that may help you...
Angela Shelton's Survivor Manual http://survivormanual.blogspot.com/
My life coaching blog http://tailoredlifecoaching.info

I hope that you can find some help and comfort in one of these two places! I am glad to see that you are seeking help from a psychologist. Even though right now is a scary and bad time for you, you can get back to being that happy person who enjoyed some many activities that you used to be!

Joy
Joy

I am glad that you are looking for someone to help you, and that you have shared your story with us today. I wish you godspeed to find your way back to yourself again, and your music, books, and laughter. Peace, and gentleness, to you.

Karen Sugarpants
Karen Sugarpants

Please know you are not alone. You are amazing for telling your story. I hope you will find the strength within you to seek help. Reach out to a professional. I wish you well.

Nicole
Nicole

There is nothing worse than being betrayed by the very people who are supposed to be there to love and protect us. Wrong is not a strong enough word to describe what you’ve had to endure.

You’ve already had so much taken from you – but nothing you can’t get back. It’s good that you’re speaking out and speaking up, facing down these demons that are keeping you from getting everything that should be yours. It’s painful and it’s never easy but it’s so worth the effort.

Definitely keep seeking out help – you’ll get there. You are never alone. Hoping for peace and happiness to come your way.

Lillian
Lillian

You do matter. I hope you are able to get the help you need to survive and to live and someday be happy. We all care.

Kate
Kate

I don't know what to say & I desperately don't want to say the wrong thing, but I want to beg you to please don't die!!!!

My brother abused me, too, and my entire family has lectured me about how I need to get a grip & be willing to have a relationship with my brother despite the fact he's never acknowledged that what he did was wrong. One of my sisters who was also molested by the same brother told me that the reason Bob didn't apologize to me was because I had made myself unapproachable to him. As though it was my fault & he did not deserve to be treated so badly by me.

What's my point? I understand. I have been where you are ~ full of shame and anger and pain so deep you almost can't endure it from moment to moment. I destroyed my college dorm room in an act of rage borne out of that pain. I know that it feels like there is no hope, like things can't possibly get better for you, but I know that it can.

IT CAN GET BETTER!!!!!

You are brave for sharing your story & your inner turmoil.
You are strong.
You can heal. You CAN!

Please don't give up. Look up Good Samaritan Ministries in your phone book & see if there is an office near you. They offer Christ-based counseling for free. GSM saved my life, literally. Being able to work through my past and have someone validate my feelings and experiences rather than dismiss them made a huge difference. I pray that you find the same release & healing as you work with a counselor, as well.

Please don't give up.

Coco
Coco

Elise, I am so sorry.

Please, you aren't alone. Please reach out and keep reaching. We're here. We're listening. Just hang on.

And remember, ALWAYS, as others have said - this is not your fault. none of it. You are worthy, you are good, you are special. You are brave, because you ended the silence.

I wish for peace and healing and happiness for you in the coming days and months and years.

Chris
Chris

Elise, we all look up to our brothers, especially our older ones. One of mine was my hero until he said some very cutting remarks behind my back. Of course that is nothing like what yours did. As you know, he is no hero. The brother that intervened is a more likely candidate.

Then the later rape. Damn it I just want to string those low-lifes up by their genitals and beat it into them what they have done to kind people like you. I hope that is not too violent an image, but he NEARLY ruined your life. And I have NO tolerance for dumb asses that perpetrate these foul crimes.

I say "nearly" because despite how you feel right now, there is hope. You WILL find healing. You WILL find meaning.

An odd thing about our experience on this earth is the exercise of Free Will. How could a loving God allow such atrocious acts to occur. Well, true love must come out of a freedom to choose. If we couldn't try choose to love each other or our Creator, it would not be true love. Thus, we have free will.

Unfortunately, some people exercise their free will to impose destruction on others. Know this: God has not abandoned you. And, despite some teaching to the contrary, life is difficult even for those of us who believe in God.

I hope that is not too preachy. I'm must trying to help. My heart aches for you today, for I have been there myself. In a different way, but not so different.

If you are a person of faith, check out http://www.rchristophertaylor.com. It's new, but maybe the poetry will speak to you.

Don't give up! There is help; there is a place of healing and restoration. It will come. And not only will you be stronger for it, but you will have the insight to reach out to others who need an understanding mind and heart.

Deep in the recesses of your heart, there is hope. Otherwise you would not have written this. Find that hope and nurture it.

Today, as you struggle with the raw emotion of seeing your story posted, remember that I and many others stand with you in admiration for your courage, empathy for the fear and conflicting emotions you may be experiencing and tremendous respect that you shared.

You are awesome, Elise, and don't let anyone (including yourself!) tell you any different. You have just made a huge step forward in your recovery. And soon, you will not being saying, "I survived." You will be saying, "I overcame."

I wish I could reach through these phone lines and crazy computers to give you a hug.

Prayers, love, peace, healing, comfort, joy, cleansing tears and every other good thing to you!

-Chris

Mojo
Mojo

I really don't know what I can say that hasn't been said already. I have nothing new or original to offer you, but I think that's okay. What you've already heard here is sound. It's good. And I hope with all my being that you'll take the words written here and hold them close to you. The care you see here, the support, the love, that is your talisman, your amulet. It lets you purge all that poison you've carried for so long and know that there is no judgment, no judgment of you in any event.

Maybe you think nobody will care if you die, that nobody will miss you if you're gone. You wouldn't be the first person to have those thoughts. You wouldn't even be the first in this "room". But I promise you, people would care. And they would miss you. And cry for you. For the one they couldn't reach, or the one they thought they knew and didn't. For the sister or mother they never had, or had and lost.

Look around you Elise. People care. I care. And I read these same words in every comment here: "I care".

You may be scared, terrified even. But that hasn't beaten you. You came here, did the most courageous thing you could possibly do. You broke the silence. And despite those long ago words assuring you that "nothing happened" you came here and declared that yes, dammit, something damned sure did happen and I won't let you sweep it aside any longer. Today -- if you never did it before -- you've stepped across the line from "victim" to "survivor". But to stay on that side of the line, you have to survive.

I hope that if you take nothing else from this experience, you'll take with you the knowledge that you are not alone in this world, and that you matter.

And if you ever doubt that, if you ever need reminding, you just let me know.

laprimera
laprimera

I'm so very sorry. Please don't stop reaching out. Listen to that music you love. Keep singing anyway. Find something to hold on to. Keep searching for happiness. It is there. You are worth it.

CharmingBitch
CharmingBitch

I am so, so sorry you have been treated so poorly. You deserve so much better. And your life is worth saving. Please please please continue to seek help. You are not alone.

Heather from DE
Heather from DE

((hugs)) you are strong and brave for all that you have been through. I know how hard it is to just live your life and be happy, not wondering who is going to hurt you next. You can do this. You DESERVE happiness and peace. I pray that you find them. ((hugs))

MommyGeekology
MommyGeekology

I'm so sorry. You aren't alone. I'm praying you find some help and some peace.

walter
walter

All my life, I've managed to laugh about things like having a parent who toyed with killing me, left suicide notes in my bedroom, etc. Now, at the age of 40, it's coming out, whether I want it to or not. Keep writing. Keep talking. There are plenty of people who care, understand and are willing to help.

cat
cat

God the wreackage our families palce upon us as children - CHILDREN - to young to understand that it is not our fault - that we carry to adulthood - that clingls to who we believe we are - I wish I could erase your pain - your horror - but more your loss of feeling safe in your own home.

Life is good. The fac that you are breathing your words about your story onto this site - is GOOD - you are good and worthy of much. I promise you - from someone who tried the other route... I promise you - it can be better than it is now and you can heal.

Camille
Camille

As other commenters have said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you—only what was done to you. You deserve to be healthy, happy, and whole, and I hope you're someday able to find peace and healing through therapy. Sending good thoughts your way.

DigitalPagan
DigitalPagan

You are not alone, though we are not there to hug you and tell you that we are there, we are here for you.

karrie
karrie

Stay strong, Elise. Keep reaching out. You deserve so much more and have shown so much courage already.

Aunt Becky
Aunt Becky

You are never, ever alone. Please. I'm right here. xoxo

Jett
Jett

I think it's important that you seek assistance; that is paramount right now.

But I also think that it's important you know this: When you are in a place where your brokenness has been reconfigured into a thing of fierce beauty, you will be of great help to others....they will see themselves reflected back in your eyes and know that they, too, can reconfigure their own brokenness and assist others in doing the same.

Don't quit now, Elise. Not just yet. There are Plans, and you are pivotal to them.

Sheila
Sheila

I don't know what to say beyond I have gone through some of the same things and I'm finally getting the help I need.

Seeking help is the most humbling and scary thing I have ever done - but it's been well worth it.

I hope and pray that you are able to make these steps.

Their are more people than you realize that are standing behind you, willing to help. Even on this blog - I'm sure there are many people who are silent supporters because they simply didn't know what to say, so they said nothing. I didn't know what to say either so I fumbled my way through to tell you this : I care. You matter. Please take care of yourself and let us know how you're doing.

xoxo

MK
MK

It's NOT your fault. And if I've learned anything in the past few years, it's that this here internet is powerful! Sharing your story is step one. Maybe reaching out to one of these faceless, maybe even nameless, supporters - maybe it'll help. Know that any one of us supporting you here - even if we can't empathize - we can offer an ear or a shoulder.

me
me

Princess! you are so not alone. Right this very second you have people who are worried sick about you and want you to be ok.

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