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But I had no one to tell and had no words to describe what had happened. I just knew that it hurt.

I realized if I stopped dancing, if I stayed with the other kids downstairs, if I never went near him again, then I could be safe. Funny how my 5-year-old self became the mother/father figure who saved my own life, BUY ERISPAN NO PRESCRIPTION.

I stuffed that pain down inside just like I used to stuff green peas into my mashed potatoes. Thinking that this crime against my innocence would never resurface. But these memories always do. It’s all a matter of time. BUY ERISPAN NO PRESCRIPTION, For the longest time I did real well in the stuff-it-and-snuff-it department.

Until I was 25.

I was living in San Francisco at the time when I was slammed against the wall with my memory, my hidden truth. My own personal earthquake had disturbed the sleeping beast and its black eye winked and welcomed me back home. It was that subtle.

I remembered what he had done to me, BUY ERISPAN NO PRESCRIPTION.

I am so grateful that this sickening truth came back to me after my very anguished teen years. I can almost guarantee that I would have not survived those years.

I tried to find out if he was dead. I wanted to be afforded the opportunity to sit with him. BUY ERISPAN NO PRESCRIPTION, I was always told that I could give looks that could kill. And I would have taken a really long hard look at him.

I did find out recently that this man died in 2005. I have to say that I did not think about him that much over the years and for one very good reason - if I succumbed to what he did to me then I would have given up my power. There was no way I would allow him to take anything else from me. When I grasped that belief, I knew that although he violated my small little body, he did not get to my soul, BUY ERISPAN NO PRESCRIPTION. He may have messed up some issues I had with trust, but when the right people showed up, I was able to let me defenses down. I won. He lost.

###

Elizabeth writes at My View From the Edge..

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Comments

18 comments
MaxineMargolese
MaxineMargolese

Omg, I had no idea. It takes a huge amount of courage to write about this. You really are an amazing person, Elizabeth. I'm very lucky to know you. oxoxox

SarahPMiller
SarahPMiller

Elizabeth, this is an amazing story of empowerment. Thank you for your strength and for sharing it here.

susan boswell
susan boswell like.author.displayName 1 Like

Elizabeth- What a tragedy this was for you my friend, for that little 5 yearold girl- and the loss of her innocence. What a sickening, pervert to do that to a child. It takes a lot of courage to come forward to tell something like this- but then again, you are one courageous, strong and intelligent lady. You are a survivor. I suppose our bodies and minds do what they must to get us through things like this- but I am glad you unearthed this poison. I would imagine its revelation was a huge key to understanding you and becoming the amazing woman you are.

elizabeth c
elizabeth c

Susan - thank you so much. having supportive people in one's life helps us face our truth - no matter who ugly it was. We are our past, but we don't have to be defined by it.

xxlylmousexx
xxlylmousexx

Thank you for taking the time to put your thoughts, experiences and feelings into writing and sharing. It is great to see how wonderful and strong you are! Congratz on your success in winning!

elizabeth c
elizabeth c

@xxlylmousexx Thank you so much. I am honored to be here and I hope my story will give some strength that they didn't know that had. Tale care.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Thank you for sharing this. And yes, you totally won here.

elizabeth c
elizabeth c

Jennifer, thanks. thre truth does set you free. you just have to believe that you did nothing wrong and that you are entitled to a great future.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Amen! The shame belongs to the perpetrator.

krrobi
krrobi

""Your lap was like a portal into Hell"" WOW.

~~~~My, dear, e,

This post took my breath away.

I could feel your POWER...Your Empowered SOUL rising. I could see your five year old self lifting her hands in the air screaming, "I Survived!"

Silence Kills. It is a Murderer.

So glad you are telling your story here.

YOU WON.

I love you for empowering yourself...when you do, you help others rise up.

YOU WON.

He Lost. The Abuser always loses in the End.

Xxx You Have always Inspired me.

Kim

My Inner Chick

http://myinnerchick.com

Fridita
Fridita

Thank you so much for writing this. You *did* win. Keep winning.

Becky
Becky

This was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing you painful story. Wishing you peace.

elizabeth c
elizabeth c

Becky- telling the truth does bring one peace. Thanks. elizabeth

serial_writer
serial_writer

I am so sorry that your childhood was shattered by this monster. I wish I could go back and hug that little girl. Thank you for sharing your story of strength. Many prayers for your healing.

elizabeth c
elizabeth c

Serila Writer - thank you so much for your kind words. one thing a therapist told me was to picutre myself as that little girl and then see myself as an adult. he told me to go over to that little girl and put your arms around her and tell her that you have the skills to protect her. tha twas very freeing. elizabeth

MyBottlesUp
MyBottlesUp

wow. it just dawned on me that i've been holding my breath while reading this. i wish you peace and healing in your survivorship.

elizabeth c
elizabeth c

@MyBottlesUp Thanks so much. I held my breath quick a bit while I was writing this - out of fear, but mostly that this is my truth and it needs to get out there. Thanks for the wishes of peace and healing. elizabeth

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