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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
I first read this when it was originally published. I found it again through a roundabout circumstance, and it still takes my breath away. Thank you, Flutter, for allowing us to share in your story. I know the pain it is heavy, but we are here for you. Sending my love to you wherever you may be.
he couldn't steal your beauty. it stands, shining and bright, or dark and terrible, but wholly yours.
my heart breaks for your enormous loss and looks in wonder at your amazing strength.
I struggle for words to say to you after reading this. I want to say how awful that was, how sorry I am . . . all the cliches that sometimes bother me because I too am a survivor. All I am left with is this:
YOU ARE POWERFUL!
I hardly know what to say... That such a thing can happen, that such a person could exist today, and not just in stories...
I'm so very, very sorry. And I realise... I am so very naive.
Please know that I am praying for you, for your health and your peace of mind.
You are telling everyone, survivor and sadist, that you will not back down, you will not fear anymore, you are a force to be reckoned with, you are powerful, and evil has no hold. Not only no claim to you, but you have extinguished its smirk, its tenuous victory it though it had, for you ripped it away, and morphed that victory into your own, your "perfect stand," your pinnacle.
You inspire so many people, so many little girls, so many "unsure" boys, so many scared older women who never got their story "straight," couldn't recall or didn't want to recall all those horrid details that would help release the sadists' hold.
I can be such a volatile, righteous, vengeful spirit. I use my height, my frame, my carriage, my strength and ice cold direct aim to intimidate the evil. I can imagine doing unspeakable dark things to the sadists' that try to rob us of...ourselves. I've lashed out, for myself, for my sisters, I've hurt bullies and scared the scariest son of a bitch out there, infusing my brain with my own past's fear and letting that fuel my rage, but I've graphic dreams in between night terrors, of taking control back, of doing so much more than scare them for that is not enough, of making them suffer, of torturing all those that have taken others' spirits, their light. To be the force that the judicial system isn't.
But, then I read your story, and see that my way is not one of healing. Not one of long-term benefits, and that vengeance will feel empty after the sadists are dead, but their memory, their hold survives. You have broken that seal. You killed that surviving hold it had on you, and everyday you grind your heel in its dusty bones, every time you wake up, every time you love or laugh or cry, every time you tell us, every time someone reads this.
Thank you, Flutter, for sharing these pieces of you, and for making yourself so whole and so female. Such an experience has yielded great suffering, but so much more belief and trust in human spirit, in the strength of a strong heart to achieve what so many are unable. Your honesty in living life, your vivacity, your real peace, to thrive and push back the ominous tendrils that could consume us, reinforces for us the good, the light, the truth and makes me want to reach towards humans, instead of hiding in the shadows.
My words can only fall far short of what I'm feeling inside for the pain you and your family have endured. My best, kindest, most supportive thoughts I send to you. And thank you for sharing your story. You are indeed courageous, and you're not a victim anymore.
It has been amazing to read your transformation, you seem to be going through an empowering change and I applaud you once again for the courage and strength you show reaching out to people who cannot express their pain as eloquently as you do. Bravo flutter, bravo.
I am teary eyed upon the re-reading and find myself without what I would deem appropriate words other than how fucking tragic and I can relate to your brothers anger...
You are an amazing woman, who is adept at writing both brutally and lyrically all at the same time and my god - leaving me speechless and teary eyed for that young girl who lost so much.
Thank you for this site, and for sharing your story.
I love you like no other. You are amazing, brave and strong. So very strong.
I am in awe of your honesty and your perseverance in dealing with such a horrible ordeal.
I am so proud to have you in my life.
I love you.
Thank you for sharing. Your writing lays bare your heart and soul, both of which are immeasurably strong and beautiful.
Thank you for surviving. And I mean that exactly how it reads, because you made the *choice* to survive: That day, six weeks later, and every single day since then. If only that motherfucker knew...
You are a powerful woman. Thank you, thank you -- from one survivor to another.
Words cannot express.
So I hug you in my mind,
and call you,stranger, my sister.
Thank you for your courage.
Anytime, anywhere you are telling your story, I will listen and encourage others to do the same.
My heart holds so much love and admiration for you.
Honey - this is so powerful and searing - it is you taking back what was taken from you. In words. So proud of you for writing this. Love you.
Moved beyond words that you are able to share your story, and that he didn't steal *your* words, *your* voice, *your* power.
You are an awesome woman.
Your beautiful strength shines, despite the pain and what was taken from you. You will ALWAYS be beautiful, and strong, and amazing to me. Thank you for sharing Flutter. Today, and everyday, you bring strength to those even who are not even aware that they need it.
@byflutter I love you. And even though it's not enough, can never be enough, I hold you in my arms for as close a hug as I can muster, to soothe, and to be soothed (for my own experience at age 15, also a virgin). Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing your story. For being brave then, and now. XoXoXo, @Jasperblu
I've known part of the story for awhile now but this just breaks my heart. You are an incredibly brave woman and I'm thrilled to call you friend.
wow. eloquent. horrifying, and profoundly probably represents just a fraction of the nightmare. Even for you, with such a precise command of language, I fear there's a wordless place that's much worse than this. I'm so sorry. And so impressed. Women are so tough, so much tougher than we want to be, aren't we. I'd like to correct you, though on one point. "taking me from what I was and making me into who I am" You change in each minute. One moment may change you forever, and so will the next. Doubtless, that ten thousand fantastic moments will never undo one such terrible moment, but none of them define you. None of those moments are "who you are." The woman you are exists regardless of each moment, not because of it and not in spite of it. No act of evil can undo you, your soul is whole, and much larger than you can imagine. Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure I'm not the only one who will carry it with me. That's why this site exists. The protective love of your fiancee and brothers is here to help you heal, they won't have these dreams forever and neither will you.
You know how our stories are alike, how we both lost our innocence that way. As always, I'm caught by your words.
And then read her at Violence Unsilenced: and then read her at http://violenceunsilenced.com/flutter/
I am so thankful that you are here, that he did not succeed in robbing you of your life, and robbing me (and countless other readers) of your beauty and brilliance.
Love you, flutter dear.
Horrified and near vomiting just reading about it, I am in awe that you could have survived such a thing, allowed yourself to love and trust anyone.
You are amazing.
I am so, so sorry - is sorry the right word? Angry. Appalled. - that such a thing happened to you. The WRONGNESS of it is paralyzing.
I am so thankful that you are brave enough to put it down here.
I am speechless. I am sitting here with goosebumps, crying at what you have endured, at what so many have endured. Your strength is amazing. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you.
No words. Just an overwhelming need to reach out and fold my arms around you. Love, love, LOVE to you.
In your new world, the world of today, know - from experience, from the love shown here - that you are NOT alone in that room with a madman. And he can never hurt you again.
Strength in numbers comes from survivors holding hands.
I hold your hand today - and every day - and any time you need it, beautiful.
As always, you are a brave and amazing woman, my Flutterby. Thank you for sharing your story of survival here. You rock.
I don't see u on twitter, Christine, but TY you 4 sharing ur story on VU (http://bit.ly/jGr85) - chk out her blog at (http://byflutter.com/)
Oh... I can't imagine how hard this was to write. I've read you for awhile now, and knew that you had a story to tell, and that it was a horrifying one.
But reading this, and reading your writing, knowing that you have not only survived, but are determined to recover and thrive - your strength is truly inspiring.
It's so true that a rape, or abuse, not only affects the victim, but so many others that are part of the victim's life... because the victim is no longer who they would have been.
Thank you so much for sharing this...
I'm horrified to know you have had to bear this pain, this burden.
I am so proud of you for overcoming it.
I am blessed to be able to call you my friend.
Sweet Flutter. As ever, I am in awe of you. Your strength, your beauty and your bravery have never been so evident as they are on this page.
I love you.
I can't help but be horrified at what you went through, but I'm equally awestruck that you are able to overcome it as well as you have. Let's hope this guy is rotting in prison somewhere. Thank you for telling your story.
It feels like that at first, gutted and afraid. Like the best of you lay there on that bathroom floor and what got up was only a facimile of you...I know different. You and I dear friend know different. It took us both ages to find the depths of who we are...in the end are so much more than the horror that tried to unseat us.You saw the face of evil up close. He never got to truly see the beauty you are. You are and always will be the victor in that.
I've always known you were brave, a powerful spirit in your own right to be reckoned with. Your words resound with strength. I hope this man finds himself in his own special kind of hell. A hell where the pieces he stole from you and anyone else, take from him day after day. Leaving nothing.
Love to you my sweet friend. There is a subtle power in the telling. (Hugs)Indigo
I hope that bastard dies a horrible, horrible death.
I hope the nightmares eventually leave you in peace, and your loved ones as well. And I'm glad you survived.