Girl With a Purpose
My mother walked out of my life when I was around the age of four months old. At the time, my father was working two jobs trying support my sister and me. One was delivering fliers on the weekends, and the other was a computer sales shop. He had been forced to learn how to balance two jobs and take care of his daughters.
At one point, he was told that he needed to find another job because the computer sales store was going out of business. He left that place and was left with one job that only paid $200 per weekend. It wasn’t enough to help us make it through. He applied for many things but nothing ever gave us enough money. He had almost given up, until he met another woman.
I was two years old when they got together. She had a one-year-old son, a great home, and lots of money. My dad ended up getting back on his feet and after three years he was engaged to her. My sister and I were young, we didn’t know what “engaged” meant–so we thought nothing of it.
After a couple of months passed my father got a better paying job and went back to school. While he was at school and work she had decided on methods of punishment. She would say we were ‘naughty children’ and ‘her son is much better behaved’. My sister and I were woken up for school by a slap, a kick, or a bucket of water dumped on us. If we got mad from being drenched we were punished. Some days she would make us face a wall and stand there for anywhere between one and fifteen hours, other days she would slap us until we were black and blue, sometimes she would even sit on us. When my father got home she acted like nothing happened and told my father we were perfect little angels.
This went on for a few years until she got pregnant with my little sister. During the pregnancy she punished us but it wasn’t by beating us…. Instead she would send my sister and I out into a snow storm while we were wearing our pajamas. We were in shorts and a t-shirt with no shoes or socks. My sister ended up with frostbite on her toes, fingers and ankles, and I ended up with nightmares and permafrost on my toes which caused my toenails to become permanently black.
We ended up receiving more and more abuse. Finally at the age of 14, my older sister stood in front of me attempting to protect me from her slap. As soon as my step-mother slapped my sister, my sister started hitting, kicking, biting and using absolutely anything against her in self-defense. After my sister unleashed her anger on my step-mother, my step-mother called the police. The police took my sister and I to live in a temporary foster home. When we got there we stayed up the whole night explaining everything that happened, from start to finish. We explained in great detail, and finally got her out of our life. We were put into the foster home until they believed it was stable enough for us to come out. In total we were in for 11 months and two days. We were finally released back into my father’s care.
We happily moved into an apartment, he has a steady paying job and he is fighting for custody of my other little sister.
I am sixteen years old now. I live every night with nightmares, depression, and panic attacks. I can’t handle being around too many people, I don’t like loud things, and I stick closer to family and I am trying to become less anti-social, but that takes time.
I am now bringing up a court case against her for the abuse I underwent.
Everyday of my life I continue to tell myself I will get my justice, she will be served, and I do have potential. I fight everyday of my life for perfect grades. I strive to win. Because, in reality, I am a girl with purpose.
54 Responses to “Girl With a Purpose”
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You are a girl with a purpose! You are strong and brave! What happened to you makes me sick to my stomach, but you should be so proud of yourself and your sister for standing up breaking the cycle! Best of luck to you in your court case and with your future. I know it’s a bright one!
You are a very strong girl; so is your sister. I am happy that your dad believed you and got you both out of that terrible situation. I hope you are reunited with your sister soon.
Talk with a professional who can help you work thorugh your fears.
Stay strong!
You are so brave for telling your story. I think you are amazing and will do great things with your life. Stay strong.
You. You are SO FREAKING BRAVE girl-I hope you know how much I admire your strength and courage. Heal. Take your time to heal, and do what you need to do. You are doing all the right things.
I can only hope that my daughters will be as strong as you are.
you and your sister did the right thing! i am so very glad that even at such a young age you are stepping out of the fear and telling your story! she cant hurt you now!! be strong, continue to use your voice and i urge you to seek counseling, it will help you tremendously!
You are incredibly brave and strong and a survivor! Give yourself time to heal – you’ll get there.
Oh baby girl…you are so brave for telling your story. You and your sister are precious and I hope that you know how much you’re helping other kids who’ve been in your shoes by telling your story. I hope that you get your day in court, and that evil bitch goes to prison for what she did to you and your sister.
Stay strong, and thank you for sharing.
Both you and your sister are strong, brave women. My thoughts are with you both.
I sit here with my jaw open, thinking this woman is the absolute ‘picture’ of a monster. I am so glad that you and your sister are with your father and healing. THANK YOU for speaking out. Wishing you only peace and healing.
Thank you for sharing your story – child abuse needs a bright spotlight shined on it.
Its wonderful you are doing well in school, but don’t measure your self worth on perfect grades. You are worth so much more than that, regardless of your academic performance.
Women abusers (and particularly mothers) rarely get punished, I hope *hope* this woman does. I also hope your father is able to get full custody of your little sister.
I also hope that he realizes that little boy is probably also severely traumatized, and at the very least learned the skills of abuse (manipulation, control, power, etc.) He saw that as a boy he was exempt from abuse, but the girls were somehow less than him. I hope your father advocates for him too, as he is also a victim of your (and your sisters) abuse.
*hugs*
Realizing the things you’ve realized, and writing the words you’ve written shows you are far ahead of the healing curve than most of us.
Once again, thank you for sharing. Thank you for putting a stop in the cycle.
You will fight and you will win. I’m so glad you are free of the abuse. Becoming free of the damage takes time, but you will get there.
growing up with abuse changes us, that is true.
but just remember that these things happened to you.
but they are not the definition of you.
they are not all of you.
you are a girl with a purpose.
yes.
and we are here to smile you on.
As I read your story, I thought of myself the many days and nights that I was abused as a child and teenager. The desire I felt the months and sometimes years I lived with foster families of having a normal, peaceful family.
It’s taken years to feel a semblance of “normal”.
I still get panic attacks. I still get angry for no reason. I still cry in the middle of the night. And I’m nearly 30.
I’m okay with it though. Not the abuse. Not the negligence. Not the fact that I didnt have a family that loved me. I’m happy that I can deal with my past and not feel ashamed because of it.
Remember this: Crying is the most important step to healing.
WOW. What an awe-inspiring girl you are. You are so brave. Thank you for speaking out. I wish you much luck in your court case. You are amazing.
You are incredibly STRONG and brave beyond words. Sending thoughts and prayers in your direction, for your continued healing and mending of body and spirit. You truly are a girl with purpose and with so much life ahead of you.
As other people have commented, you are brave and strong. Thank you for sharing your story here.
Justice is not always served in the judicial system. I hope that you do not tie your emotional and physical healing in to whether or not “justice is served.” You can continue to be strong and brave, continue to heal and grow, regardless of the outcome of the case. You should. And, you should pursue your case against this woman with all the vigor you can muster.
Please seek out any appropriate professional help that you may need to grow beyond this tragedy. There is a glorious life awaiting you in the future and I pray that you will be able to enjoy it to the fullest.
Congratulations to you and your sister for getting out.
You are strong and brave. It took a lot of courage to speak out against your abuser. I hope for you much love, happiness and peace in your life.
Stay strong and take care!
My goodness that is a heart breaking story. But I am so glad that you are away from that women and brought charges against her. You are brave young woman.
You deserve so much better. I pray your life will find peace from the past and celebrate the future that is under your control. You have your entire life ahead of you.
Good luck my dear!
And you will do it. You can do it. I promise you you’ll do whatever you set you mind to.
When I read the end of this post where you say you’re sixteen, I actually yelled out “woo hoo!”. I’m so, so proud of you for how brave, smart, and strong you are. You and your sister. I’ll be cheering you on as you continue on your quest for peace and justice.
I’m so proud of you. Even if you don’t get your court justice, please realize how far you’ve come just by speaking out.
Two of my girls have survived “alleged” abuse/neglect at the hands of their biological mother. While they still have a long way to go, the eldest was able to stand up in court through her guardian ad litem and explain why she wanted to stay with her daddy and mommy (us) even though we had no blood-relation to her. We won custody even though she was never convicted of the abuse against her daughters, it’s a partial win but we’ll take it.
It can happen, and I will be praying for you and your sister to have justice.
She sounds like my mother-in-law. My husband is almost 32, and I don’t know how much of his nightmares and depression are from his mother’s abuse or the sexual abuse he suffered from someone else, but I do know they are slowly getting better. And it will take time. You have my prayers and sympathy.
I grew up with my husband in our teens, and they came to our house for church for nearly 8 years. I remember one day my mom felt that he had disrespected her in some way and made a comment to his mom. When they got home she called my mom to inform her that he had been locked out in the snow with no shoes or jacket and that should give him some time to think about his behaviour. My mom was horrified. His mom was angry that my mom criticized her discipline, and basically said that she couldn’t do anything right because my mom would always find fault with it. After that my mom was afraid to say anything about her kids’ behaviour. My husband was locked out of doors overnight, beaten with extension cords and garden hoses, and my mother-in-law told me that she once wrapped up his younger brother with duct tape and put him on the top shelf of the closet for a few hours because he wouldn’t stop bugging her. She didn’t seem one bit sorry when she told me that. Actually, I think she was suggesting that I try the same on my son. Obviously I did not.
You are amazing and strong for bringing this court case and standing up for yourself and your family, especially at 16 years old. Thank you for sharing your story, and I wish you the best of luck with the case.
You and your sister are so brave, and courageous. Thank you so much for sharing your story, for giving hope to those who are where you were. You have such wisdom and strength for your age.
You go girl! So glad you are on your way up and out.
Good for you!!
Oh, honey, you definitely ARE a girl with purpose — and one I’m sure that anyone would be proud to be a mother to. You’ve been through so much in such a short time, but I hope that you are already beginning to see that it DOES get better and that you don’t have to live the way that you’ve been living. I know it’s scary and difficult to work through the tragedy that has been your young life, but please DO IT.
If you do, you can prepare yourself for a full happy and healthy life. If you do not, you are damning yourself to repeating the abuse you suffered throughout your life only at the hands of those who would be your partner or spouse. It probably sounds funny, the idea of “preparing” to be happy but it can often be difficult, if not impossible, for those who can’t get past tortured childhoods or violent adult relationships. That doesn’t mean that it will all go away. I’m not sure that it ever does, for anyone. But, by surviving and working through it emotionally, you can get past it. You can use those experiences to your advantage. In fact, by sharing your story, you already are: you’re helping someone else feel less alone in the things that they have suffered.
God bless you and both your sisters. I hope that all three of you are able to cling to one another and to your dad and that having this new, safe foundation will give you the wings you will need to feel comfortable flitting about in the rest of the world.
All of this was bad enough as I was reading it. Then I got to the part where you said “I am sixteen years old”. It was like a kick in the gut. Not that the story would have been less horrific if you were 30, but it really brought home to me that you and the other authors here live through more by the time you’re sixteen than most of us do in a lifetime. Or two lifetimes.
Which makes it all the more amazing that you’ve come as far as you have. You’re in a place now, or at least you appear to be, that belies your years. There are women — and men — twice your age who haven’t reached the kind of understanding and stability you’ve reached. And you’ll go further. Much further. And you may be one of the fortunate ones who’s able to leave the damage in the past. At least most of the time.
Your story is inspiring because it tells others coming up in the same kind of environment that it’s possible to break free. And that doing so early can be all the difference in how the course of your adult life goes. Like most problems — disease, addiction, what have you — early intervention is the best hope of recovery.
I’m so glad too that you had someone in your corner, that your dad had the kind of faith in you that he did. And with any luck at all, he’ll win custody of your little sister so she can be spared the same agony.
I hope you’ll overcome your fears as you grow, and I know you’ll reach the goals you’ve set for yourself. That much is obvious. You’ve come through so much already, the ordinary hurdles of life must seem trivial. But you still have to clear them, and in that I wish you all the luck. Thank you for bringing this story to us. I hope it was good for you, I know it will be good for someone else.
Much love.
Go Girl!!
But remember this: you do not have to be perfect. It is okay to make grades that are less than perfect. It is ok to try something and not have it work out exactly like you imagined. You’ve already beaten her. You’ve already won. Drive is important, but do not forget to be gentle with yourself.
You’re amazing.
You are brave. You are strong. You are loved. Believe in yourself and continue to move forward. I pray that one day you will know the love of a mother. What that woman did was unforgiveable and you were not to blame. May light and love always pour down on you. May you know peace.
How amazing are you?
VERY.
I’m so heartened by your willingness to stand powerfully for yourself. I hope the courts nail her ass to the judgment seat for your years of quiet horror. Godspeed. Please let us know the further outcome of the cases?
I am SO proud of you. So incredibly proud, you are amazing
I am saddened by the abuse you suffered at the hands of another woman. I am so proud of you – even tho I don’t know you- I am so happy that you found the strength to get away from that woman. You hold your head high and keep telling the truth. You are a woman of purpose for sure!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry and angry that these things happened to you and your sister. It’s not right. Good luck in your court case, and in life! It’s amazing how strong you are at 16.
Thanks for telling your story. You’re very brave for a girl so young!
Thank-you for sharing your story – I share the sentiments of others that have commented in how amazed I am how strong you are. Don’t ever lose that… Believe in yourself and have faith. Things will all come around in the end. I pray that you will continue to have the strength in your life to overcome living with your past memories.
Much love to your family.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I think you’re right on the mark – you are a girl with purpose. I have no doubt that your suffering will not be in vain. Your story and strength will help other people. You are an inspiring person and I b elieve you will do great things.
This is possibly my favourite posts on VU.
None of the writers here deserved what happened to them, but especially not you and your sister. You didn’t choose that woman, and you really didn’t have any power in that relationship.
The best part of your story is where you are now. I can feel the fight in you. I can feel your determination to move forward and away from the abuse. I believe that you will become whole and happy and successful. You might find you need some help to get there, but I believe.
Oh sweetie. Just sending many many {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you and your sibs. As Krista (Jan 25) said, we are here to smile on you and send all the strength we can.
This is terrifying. You and your sister deserve so much better than this woman could ever realize or offer. I hope your little sister can join your family soon.
This is an incredible story. I wish I’d had your strength of purpose when I was 16. So glad you’re getting the help you need, and that you found the strength to tell your story and ask for it.
You are an amazing, inspirational girl!
I truly thank God that you were able to survive all that and I have so much respect for you. I know you’ll grow out to be a wonderful person and I wish true happiness for both you and your sister
I am 36 years old. When I was almost 10, we were removed from our home. Our story was so, so, so similar to yours — being locked out to freeze, not being as good as our step-mother’s son, hiding it from our father, my sister fighting back. All of it so similar.
I have a husband and three wonderful kids. Every day — EVERY DAY — I remain an adult survivor of child abuse. But it is not my life and it does not define me. I want you to know this because you are so new to the world outside of that hell and I want you to know that your life can be rich and full and meaningful. Maggie has my email address. I want you to feel free to contact me any time. If you need anything. AT ALL.
Thank you for sharing this! You are a very brave young women who will overcome everything that’s been thrown at you.
You go girl
Your stepmother was terrible to you. I’m so happy that you and your sister are out of there and with your dad. Good luck to you. You are strong. I admire you.
To be so young, to endure all that, so many would think that was how it was supposed to be. But somehow, you & your sister had that innate sense that this was NOT normal & that it wa time to find a way out.
So many men would be more interested in keeping the woman in their life, regardless of what happehs to their children. But once he knew, he left her.
You get your strength honestly.
Civil lawsuits actually stand a better chance at doing something to her, than criminal charges for what she did. I am a teacher & a nurse & I’ve seen a lot in my lifetime. If she did to a dog or cat what she did to you & your sister, she’d have been jailed a long time ago, fined tons fo money. But in our culture, children are not worth as much as dogs & cats. Don’t get me wrong, I believe heartily that no one has a right to torture animals, either. It’s just I think the punishment for harming a child should be far, far worse than for harming an animal, but in America, we have a backwards legal system. When suing an abuser has a better chance of punishing them than criminal proceedings, that’s bad,
One thing people always ask when things like this happen, is, if there’s a God, where is He & why does He let this go on if He loves us? Well, He is there, He never leaves, but He can’t come down & throw a bolt of lightning on someone because He doesn’t want people to follow Him out of fear they’re giong to get “zapped,” no matter how great an idea we thing htat is. Instead, He told people who saw you & your sister freezing in the snow to call the police to help you, & they “didn’t want to get involved,” so they told Him to bug off. He asked the bystanders who walked or drove by & saw you being tormented, to call for help, but they said, “We don’t know the situation,” instead of looking at it and thinking. There’s no situation that would justify that. He told your teachers, who are trained to recognize the signs of abuse to talk to you, to work on drawing you out, & they said things like, “What if their stepmother comes after me?” oe (despite their knowing better) “What if they make me testify & her family comes after me?” or, “I can’t make them tell me what’s going on if they don’t want to,” or, “This will just end up like all the rest, nothing will happen to the abuser but they’ll come take revenge.” He told doctors who treated you to report abuse to the State (& you can sue them if they didn’t – if you were being abused, they treated you for anything as suspicious as frostbite on a little kid who’s scared witless, if they didn’t report it, they can be investigated & brought up on criminal negligence charges; so can nurses & social workers & teachers; we are legally bound to say something if there’s any question at all). And He told your Dad to wake up & see his 2 frightened girls. At least he listened, finally. And He tried to give 2 scared little girls the courage to speak up, knowing they were too hurt to do it, that their sense of self worth had been pummeled into the ground. So, He was there; & finally, He gave your sister the power to fight back. She had reached a point where she no longer cared if your stepmother killed her, because if she died she would do her best to take the abuser with her.
And at that point, you realized you were no longer helpless. You could fight back. Physically, mentally, emotionally. And, I hope, spiritually.
Why people who see abuse like this don’t report it, I’ll never know. They’ll see someone lightly but firmly whack a toddler who’s in the middle of a tantrum, pn the bottom to get them to stop – even though it’s one disciplinary smack, they’ll report that. But they see 2 little kids in flimsy PJs in the snow & do nothing. They can report it anonymously & trigger an investigation, but they’d rather put in a false report & make trouble for someone innocent.
They’d report any suspicious activity toward an animal in a heartbeat. Why do they stop there? Why not also report things like what someone had to have seen you girls enduring? People can get back at you for reporting them as being cruel to animals…why is it safe to help a cat or dog but not a child?
Your purpose? Might I suggest something for thought? Educating people on how to use common sense, on legal protections for those who report suspected child abuse in good faith. Of course, there is always the problem of social workers who might come in & see nothing, or who are charmed, but everyone practically has a cell phone camera, they can take a picture as proof. Letting people know that children are helpless.
Maybe there’s some way you & your sister could heal by healing others – be child advocates. Kids will often tell other kids things they won’t tell adults. Your guidance counselor might be able to help you.
When something hurts you, often healing comes by serving others like you, because you can see how you are not alone.
Whatever your choices, remember that God did try very hard to get someone to help you. We often think people don’t listen to us, but God has a really big problem getting people to follow His directions! I know it is going to be difficult to deal with spiritual things right now but I did want to give you food for thought.
I was never beaten, but I was often threatened with being thrown out of the house, even when I was very young. I don’t know if they were serious, but at that time, it sounded dead serious to me. I made myself indispensible & managed. It’s not near as bad as what you had, & it took me a while to figure out that God had indeed spoken to people’s hearts & they hadn’t listened. Then I was able to accept the comfort & help only He can give.
I will pray for you specifically. I pray for all victims of any type of abuse & neglect; for children at risk; & for people to listen to that urge to do something & act on it.
Hugs!
Thank you for having the courage to survive and to share your story.
Wow.
I have two very young daughters. If they grow up to possess the kind of courage you’ve shown, I will be so, so proud of them.
You do have a strong sense of purpose. I have no doubt it will take you far.
You are amazing! You spirit is strong and you will be a great success! I am proud of you!
I admire your strength and perseverance in having gone through the things you and your family did, and having the courage to stand up for yourself. You are such a strong person.
It takes courage to admit that life is unfair, but real strength to not only survive but overcome it.
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. You’re a strong young woman, and I hope everything works out in the end with the legal system. Truly, you’ve overcome an amazing obstacle; you can overcome anything!
Wow! To be so young and KNOW and not be afraid to act. Good girl. I hope she gets hers and you and your sister prevail in justice. Thank you for speaking out.
Become aware of the different voices in your head. When you hear that you are “ugly” or “worthless” or “(whatever she said),” recognize it as HER voice, not yours. And counter the mean thoughts, with truth. “No, I am precious.” “I have every right to feel the way I do.” “Of course I feel pain.” Remember to tell yourself you are safe now. You are.
You are amazing. Im 15, and have experienced similar, but not to those disgusting lengths. Well done to you. I would say sendinf strength your way, but you seem to have tons of that already. xox