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This story is for all the women who endure because they think the children won’t see, and if it’s not happening to them, the children are protected, BUY ANSAID OVER THE COUNTER. It’s a lie you’re telling yourself. We see you. My brothers treat my mother the same way my stepfather does. They are dismissive and condescending; they learned from the master. BUY ANSAID OVER THE COUNTER, They have issues with anger; I see his stamp on their personalities, hear his words coming out of their mouths, and it breaks my heart all over again. I am not without scars of my own, and I still carry the responsibility of my mother, who leverages my love for support in her choices and her woes, and then berates me for pushing her for change.
From the outside, I am a success story. I have a bachelors and a masters degree, a successful career and marriage. A small son. “Ah!” you may say “Your mother endured so that you could be free.”
Is that what this is. This isn’t free; everything has a price.
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Hammy/Carol blogs at Hammy's Wheel..
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Comments
I think that you have chosen to be a survivor, in spite of, not because of, your mother's choices. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you continuing strength on your journey. Well done!
Thank you for posting this. I know of a child in a similar situation, and perhaps if I can get the child's mother to read this, maybe, just maybe the similarities will awaken something inside her.
We are blessed by your honest sharing of a painful past and the scars you bear. Peace to you and yours.
I am grateful for every moment I get with my two older children, because it means they are not with their father, and my husband and I have a chance to help balance out the things they see.
Thank you for sharing.
Huh. Made me cry again. Who knew that seeing your own words in a different venue can make them echo?
Thank you everyone for reading and for your comments. As Arby mentions above, I learned what I didn't want in life. The power of negative role-models; a case study in 37 years eh? I've spent my whole life buiding myself into someone who had the knowledge and the resources to make choices. And one of the most important choices I've made is to not pass the fear along.
Not saying that I don't lose my cool, but it is somewhat devestating to my heart when I do. You would probably see a Mom getting frustrated and yelling and being less than patient with her clever 4-year-old. My minds-eye sees shadows of yesterday, and I fear again...that I am more like them than I want to be. Deep breath. Start again. Love, and humour, and truth and light.
So that my son understands that all the things to be feared in this life come from the outside world. And that in our home and in our hearts we stand together against those fears.
I'm so sorry.
Some of the best lessons that I learned from my father was what not to do to/in front of my children. I trust that you understand that with your child. Of course, I’ve made a few doosies of my own, but growing up in a dysfunctional household can make some of us more aware of our actions with our children. All too often, children are condemned to repeat the mistakes of their parents without ever realizing what was done to them. It is true more often than not that the apple falls next to the tree. Blessings to you. Thank you for sharing a painful story.
My heart is breaking. For her, for him, for them, and for you.
I’m so sorry that you were in that position. It’s hard to watch those we love be abused and be powerless (by being a child) to do anything about it. Fear should not be a childhood requirement. It has ramifications that you know all too well later on.
It’s sad that those early experiences damaged your brothers as adults. Prayers that they will seek help and find peace (though they may not even know what has affected them or why).
Best you can do is to make your own peace with it and ensure that your child never experiences what you -- or your brothers -- did.
Thank you for sharing, Hammy/Carol. It is so important that we talk about what children witness, and how that leaves an imprint forever.
I wish you and your mother and your brothers much peace.
This is so so sad, perhaps more so for the beauty of the writing. Poor little boys. And poor you, for all that was endured.
Thank you so much for sharing this perspective - of your childhood memories. It's such an important lesson and I am so grateful to have read this post. Thank you.
The lesson you share here about what children learn is so, so important. Thank you for sharing it. Your brothers may be continuing the cycle (b/c that's all they've ever known), but you -- your son -- will not and that is such a tremendous gift to the world. Best wishes to you as you make peace in your heart with your growing up family.
Thank you so much for sharing. It broke my heart to read about the abuse to your brothers, and then to hear that they continue on the emotional abuse with your mother. I am so sorry.
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So true. And so well said. Thank you so very much for sharing!
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Oh this breaks me up inside. I'm so sorry.
The saddest part, the truly heartbreaking part of this story is that the cycle is propagated for another generation. And the security was only an illusion. It was leverage. It was control. But I question whether there was any real security in it.
I suppose if there's no tangible, quantifiable abuse it's easier to dismiss it, to excuse it, even to defend it. At the very least not recognize it for what it is.
I ache for that girl and her brothers, and yes, her mother as well. But I celebrate the woman she became. Despite -- or perhaps because of -- everything you had to witness and endure, you now have the fortitude to bring this to light. I hope it's helped you. I'm sure it has helped another, a mother wondering if the security is worth the price.
Much love.
this so reminds me of my childhood. which is odd, because i don't remember anything specific.
blessings to you.
This is an important post, and thank you for it. Children see everything. Every. Little. Thing. Good and Bad. I wish for more good for the little ones.
My heart goes out to you and your mom and your brothers; you said it perfectly when you declared that everything has a price. Keep believing, keep hoping... your son will thank you some day for the price you've paid to be who you are.
I could have seen this happening in my now ex. All too easily.
I'm sorry for you and your brothers. I hope they too are able to thrive.
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