Comments on: Hammy/Carol

By: TigereyeSal

TigereyeSal — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 17:55:32 +0000

I think that you have chosen to be a survivor, in spite of, not because of, your mother’s choices. Thank you for sharing, and I wish you continuing strength on your journey. Well done!

By: Kim

Kim — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:35:18 +0000

Thank you for posting this. I know of a child in a similar situation, and perhaps if I can get the child’s mother to read this, maybe, just maybe the similarities will awaken something inside her.

By: Fran

Fran — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 19:35:39 +0000

We are blessed by your honest sharing of a painful past and the scars you bear. Peace to you and yours.

By: Sunny

Sunny — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:30:52 +0000

I am grateful for every moment I get with my two older children, because it means they are not with their father, and my husband and I have a chance to help balance out the things they see.

Thank you for sharing.

By: Hammy

Hammy — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:45:10 +0000

Huh. Made me cry again. Who knew that seeing your own words in a different venue can make them echo?

Thank you everyone for reading and for your comments. As Arby mentions above, I learned what I didn’t want in life. The power of negative role-models; a case study in 37 years eh? I’ve spent my whole life buiding myself into someone who had the knowledge and the resources to make choices. And one of the most important choices I’ve made is to not pass the fear along.

Not saying that I don’t lose my cool, but it is somewhat devestating to my heart when I do. You would probably see a Mom getting frustrated and yelling and being less than patient with her clever 4-year-old. My minds-eye sees shadows of yesterday, and I fear again…that I am more like them than I want to be. Deep breath. Start again. Love, and humour, and truth and light.

So that my son understands that all the things to be feared in this life come from the outside world. And that in our home and in our hearts we stand together against those fears.

By: ZM

ZM — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:19:25 +0000

I’m so sorry.

By: Arby

Arby — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:47:37 +0000

Some of the best lessons that I learned from my father was what not to do to/in front of my children. I trust that you understand that with your child. Of course, I’ve made a few doosies of my own, but growing up in a dysfunctional household can make some of us more aware of our actions with our children. All too often, children are condemned to repeat the mistakes of their parents without ever realizing what was done to them. It is true more often than not that the apple falls next to the tree. Blessings to you. Thank you for sharing a painful story.

By: TeacherMommy

TeacherMommy — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:08:07 +0000

My heart is breaking. For her, for him, for them, and for you.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:32:24 +0000

I’m so sorry that you were in that position. It’s hard to watch those we love be abused and be powerless (by being a child) to do anything about it. Fear should not be a childhood requirement. It has ramifications that you know all too well later on.

It’s sad that those early experiences damaged your brothers as adults. Prayers that they will seek help and find peace (though they may not even know what has affected them or why).

Best you can do is to make your own peace with it and ensure that your child never experiences what you — or your brothers — did.

By: SM

SM — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 12:20:42 +0000

Thank you for sharing, Hammy/Carol. It is so important that we talk about what children witness, and how that leaves an imprint forever.

I wish you and your mother and your brothers much peace.