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Recently, After DUPHASTON, a reader sent me a note expressing her disappointment in my lack of self-empowerment and the choices I made as a young woman and mother. It wasn’t an unkind note, she was merely expressing her opinion, but for a few moments I felt diminished by her words, purchase DUPHASTON. There was a time when that feeling might have lasted a week or more, or that I might have felt ashamed for not being the person she wanted me to be. DUPHASTON from canada, Over the years, though, in the long, stop-and-go process of healing, DUPHASTON treatment, I’ve come to understand that the root cause of that kind of judgment isn’t really about the true facts or composition of a situation — it’s almost always another person’s sense of idealism. The belief that there had to be, should have been, Buy no prescription DUPHASTON online, could have been a better more expedient, less painful, more fortunate) way to survive — is, at its core, DUPHASTON over the counter, an idealistic notion. BUY DUPHASTON OVER THE COUNTER, When mixed with the tenets of self-preservation, idealism offers a sense of self-assurance — the kind that says “this could never happen to me or someone I love” because (I know better; bad things don’t happen to smart/good/well-prepared people; I’ll never put myself in that position; I’ll never lose control, etc.,) — but it also offers the self-preserving idealist hope for others. If only everybody knew what I knew and had the same determination, DUPHASTON steet value, then tragedies, bad acts and wrong choices would be preventable.
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Conversely, DUPHASTON from mexico, those who criticize others for not managing their lives well, or doing survival the right way, will never really know how they (or anyone else) might been had they been born to different circumstances.
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I believe, Canada, mexico, india, in my own idealistic way, that we resonate more when we truly try to understand that each life experience is its own living, breathing entity, with different consequences, DUPHASTON mg, potentials, and outcomes. Buy DUPHASTON without a prescription, That no matter who we are, what we’ve been through, or how we’ve recovered, our experiences are unlikely to be exactly like anyone else’s, DUPHASTON natural. BUY DUPHASTON OVER THE COUNTER, We don’t need a yardstick for measuring someone else’s pain, emotions, or choices — what we need is to throw the yardstick away.
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Author Jane Devin's book Elephant Girl, a memoir detailing her lifelong experiences with abuse and fortitude, Buying DUPHASTON online over the counter, is available for purchase on Amazon (paperback and Kindle) and Smashwords (Nook and other e-versions). She blogs at JaneDevin.com, where she has detailed extensively the arduous process of publishing her book. She is currently working to raise funds to market Elephant Girl. I have read it... and it is terrific. --Maggie.
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Comments
jaycee dugard's case hits me home, i was a victim of an acquaintance/date rape..i just turned 19, the @@$$ 27...known the ##@@ for only few weeks, took my virginity by making sure i was calm to surrender myself by giving me medicines ...after the success of taking my body, marriage took place and like jaycee had 2 kids....it was more abusive later, just sex and i was threatened and hurt too..but all those years ,i was quiet...no complains from me and never told the truth to anyone..after 3 years i finally found the courage to leave by telling my own mother i can no longer bear to be with that ##@@@...but still never told my real feelings and story even to my own mother...can not forget that night ,i cried when i was taken, said no and told them to stop the car..i was fed medicine to calm me and was shown the blood after the "success" of finally taking my body..after many years of numbing and punishing myself.. the memories of that night came flooding one by one ...i was violated..now i am suffering after many years..no remorse and more abuses because i was bullied and lack support because of my upbringing.G
Thank you all for the great and thoughtful responses. There's probably not a group of people who know more than those who gather here that "fighting the good fight" is never easy and not without its scars.
The message "judge less, love more" tends to be spoken off-handedly by many people and it's not taken to heart as much as it should be. I don't know what might change that except to keep speaking.
Thank you. You are inspiring me to write about my own experiences. I hate the "compared to you" talk. Its so hard when I am being judged on my actions or inactions. I am also frustrated that even friends and family expect you to "get over it" based on their timeline.
We resonate when we understand that each life experience is its own entity. Jane Devin - http://t.co/WgJXCp0
Is there a "right way" to survive or recover? Did Jaycee Dugard do it "wrong"? Did I? Did you? http://t.co/6RgaJ3f
Amen, Jane! We each live our own lives and find our way through the trials and obstacles we face. We benefit greatly from the sharing, during and after, of those trials. It's tough to find oneself alone in the face of apparently insurmountable odds, and yet our joy can be complete when we look back and realize we've surmounted.
I love what you've said here. Blessings!
"we resonate more when we truly try to understand that each life experience is its own living, breathing entity, with different consequences, potentials, and outcomes"
Is there a "right way" to survive or recover? Did Jaycee Dugard do it "wrong"? Did I? Did you? http://t.co/6RgaJ3f
Is there a "right way" to survive or recover? Did Jaycee Dugard do it "wrong"? Did I? Did you? http://t.co/6RgaJ3f
Is there a "right way" to survive or recover? Did Jaycee Dugard do it "wrong"? Did I? Did you? http://t.co/6RgaJ3f
how right you are, beautiful jane.
i have no doubts or reservations as to why jaycee never ran. i know. you know. thousands, millions of us know.
i'd like to break that yardstick into a million little splinters & then burn it.
Is there a "right way" to survive or recover? Did Jaycee Dugard do it "wrong"? Did I? Did you? http://t.co/6RgaJ3f
Is there a "right way" to survive or recover? Did Jaycee Dugard do it "wrong"? Did I? Did you? http://t.co/6RgaJ3f
I agree with this "To be clear, I don’t believe there should ever be a contest in trauma. There should be no place for one-upmanship in recovery, especially." wholeheartedly. Great, great post.
Fabulous! RT @janedevin: Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard? My guest post @VUnsilenced - http://t.co/NOi8PrY
Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard? My guest post @VUnsilenced - http://t.co/Dsq7PCI
Thank you for telling your story in your book, and for your wise and insightful words here.
I especially liked hearing these sections, and they resonate with me:
those who criticize others for not managing their lives well, or doing survival the right way, will never really know how they (or anyone else) might been had they been born to different circumstances.
To be clear, I don’t believe there should ever be a contest in trauma. There should be no place for one-upmanship in recovery, especially. One person’s survival story shouldn’t be minimized because another person’s story is worse or longer in duration, nor should their recovery be brushed-off as “easier” than someone else’s. There’s no such thing as a compassion pie, with finite slices. Our empathy for anyone else’s situation is most often a matter of personal resonance, not limitation.
Thank you again for writing for VU! We all need to read them
@janedevin "Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard?" My post @VUnsilenced - http://t.co/YZ7rOWy ~Spirit-buoying & inspiring.
Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard? My guest post @VUnsilenced - http://t.co/Dsq7PCI
Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard? My guest post @VUnsilenced - http://t.co/Dsq7PCI
Wow, this is an amazing article. It says everything I feel about how others "compare" their healing progress, their level of trauma, etc.
Can't wait to read your book.
God bless you Jane.
Sincerely,
Phyllis Devers
Adm. Speaking Out For Abused Women-By God's Grace
Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard? My guest post @VUnsilenced - http://t.co/Dsq7PCI
Jane Devin: When news about Jaycee Dugard’s memoir, A Stolen Life, hit the internet recently, several commenters... http://t.co/MYmnINi
Well said. And there's my answer to your twitter, "Did you do survival right? Did I? Did Jaycee Dugard?" Absolutely yes. It is an individual experience. I was married to a verbally abusive, controlling, miserable alcoholic for ten years. I had a son by a previous marriage, his father died in a motorcycle accident when we were in our early twenties. After I married "the idiot", as I unfondly refer to him, I had two daughters with him. He never worked, treated my son like the step-child he was, and made our lifes a living hell. Did I allow it? Yes. Did I know better? Yes. Did I feel trapped. Absolutely. I can only say that I broke free when I was able to break free. I look back and wonder why it took me so long. I was, I am, stronger than that. And the truth is, there are many reasons...self-doubt, the children, co-dependency, fear, just to name a few. In your book, Elephant Girl, there were so many times when you were headed toward disaster that I wanted to scream, "Stop! Don't go there! This isn't going to be good for you! You're acting out of desperation!" because I remember so many disastrous choices that I made in my life for those very reasons. But you never gave up. You survived. Thrived, even. In your own way, in your own time. You broke free when you were able to. And you, we, are still fighting to rise above. It's so easy for others to sit back and be self-righteous, but you're right. It was never a contest.
"What we need is to throw away the yardstick"
Indeed.
Looking forward to reading your book on paper.
Ann
Thank you so much for this. You are absolutely right. I've been on both sides of this. I wrote a letter to my parents regarding my abuse with instructions to share it. When the guilty party took it to his therapist, she told him I was lying because "people who've been through this don't write like that." She let her own preconceived ideas get in the way of actually helping him, and she hurt me in the process. But I can't be too angry with her because I often find myself questioning the decisions of victims. Why didn't she run? Why didn't she fight back? Because that's the way it happened. It does no good to question how and why it happened. What we should really ask is what we can do now. You can't undo the past, but you can offer love and support now to the victims.
Is there value in considering what should have been done? Absolutely. Hopefully with preparation and education, there can be more prevention rather than recovery. But it needs to be considered in such a way as to not criticize and belittle the decisions that person made when they were faced with it.
Spot on as usual, Jane. I often hurt myself second-guessing how other people might view my life, my situation. It's not even them doing it, it's me doing it to myself about them. "I am a slow learner, Master".
Jane --
Profound thoughts beautifully written.
My grandmother had a favorite saying: "Better out than in."
I thinking writing down your life story (the bad stuff)--putting it all out there-- means you own it now--it doesn't own you.
I hope it's like draining a bathtub. All the crud goes down the drain and you're a new vessel to fill as you like??
Take care.
Your pal,
Toni
Amen. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to peel away the layers. Some people find themselves. Others don't.
Firstly, your book Elephant Girl is an amazing work of literature. It is so because it recounts events without passion or prejudice; it presents the reader what happened without laying blame or guilt. Like Nature herself, it is indifferent which allows the reader to become involved, however unwittingly. That is an amazing skill.
I believe all events are neutral. I think we attach a lot of values to events or reactions that are unfair, unjust or even just simply wrong. I think we expect a superhero or we have expectations of becoming superheros ourselves, like Harry Potter summoning up a Patronus or Todd Beamer with "Let's roll." This is rarely the case which makes abuse so common and easy to criticize in hindsight. I think you're right about a "rescue" being more about our own expectations (and I'll add fears) than about the actual circumstances.
Subtle among this is the passive aggressive one-up manship that goes like, “Man, I had a rough day” immediately one-up them and make it about you. Instead of saying, “Sit down, tell me about it” say something like, “You think you had a rough day, I had an even rougher one” and then rattle on about how horrible your day was. Happens in households every day, everywhere.....
You sound like an amazing person. I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiments. I still struggle with why I did not get out of my situation sooner. Your thoughts are reassuring. You never know what you will do in a situation until you are faced with it. Others second guessing what you could have or should have done is just not helpful. No one but you knows what it was like and why you did what you did. Thank you for sharing your story.










Jane Devin - http://t.co/jqysTT4
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