Comments on: Jean

By: jen

jen — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 16:36:45 +0000

My heart aches for all you suffered and I am glad you are finding the strength to forgive.

By: Jean

Jean — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:01:57 +0000

Suni’s questions do not surprise me, either. Yes, I love him. Always did, always will. And yes, I want to forgive him. I NEED to forgive him. Not for him, but for me. As I mentioned in a previous comment, those feelings of anger, sadness, resentment, etc. have taken up residence in my heart. I cannot, will not, live the rest of my life holding on to them. As a very dear friend recently said to me, this is an emotional release and a new freedom. Suni may not understand, but I understand perfectly.

By: Elizabeth

Elizabeth — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 03:17:36 +0000

I am so, so sorry for all the pain you have experienced and I pray that you will find healing. You are worthy and beautiful and loved and you have survived – you will heal.

By: Lori

Lori — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:14:44 +0000

Suni’s questions do not surprise me. It is very difficult for anyone who has not lived in such an abusive situation as Jean’s or any other’s posted here to understand how the victim can say she loves her abuser. I was in a dating relationship with my abuser and the situation was very similar to Jean’s. Often it was as though I disregarded myself and my feelings and felt so deeply for him. For the pain and insecurity he lived, for the hopes and dreams he had but were unable to accomplish. Not to excuse his behavior, but a mental disorder was a significant contributor to his behavior. This made my heart ache for him because I really felt he wanted to achieve good things, he did not want to be jealous, he did not want to constantly accuse me, yet there were circumstances beyond his control. He needed/needs help. And so yes, I loved him. I loved the good in him when he was able to be good, and I grieved when he was not able to be good.

Jean, I also totally understand what you mean about needing to forgive him so that you can purge your soul of the feelings of “anger, resentment, sadness, mistrust, even hate.” If you don’t, he will always have control and that must stop. It is definitely a journey, very much like the grief process. It cannot be rushed, but must be lived through. Some days are good, some are bad. But what matters is that you continue to move forward. Hugs to you!

By: Suni

Suni — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:21:15 +0000

I don’t understand… you love him? You want to forgive him? I am sorry… how?

By: Sheila

Sheila — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:20:22 +0000

. I grew up in that kind of home so I know what it’s like to be the child. The best thing that happened is that he was taken out of you and your children’s life. I was sexually and mentally abused by adult men as I was growing up. It helped me to talk about it even though I came under fire from other people who said it wasn’t “appropriate” to talk about. I grew up feeling like it was my fault. It is BRAVERY that helps us speak out !!! Love you my friend. I had no idea.

By: Christine

Christine — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 18:16:22 +0000

Jean – I’m not sure it’s your husband that needs forgiveness. Or even deserves forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. You did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time. You loved him unconditionally and he cowardly took out his insecurities on you.

Are you familiar with Grace Davis? She is a fantastic blogger who has spoken very candidly about forgiveness after the abuse she suffered as a child. At BlogHer this year she read a portion of a post she wrote about forgiving yourself. It’s an extremely emotional and powerful piece. If you’d like go read it and watch her speak. It may help bring you peace.

http://gracedavis.typepad.com/i_am_dr_lauras_worst_nigh/2009/07/blogher-09-my-community-keynote-reading.html

I wish you luck in your journey of forgiveness. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be strong. You deserve to be confident. I have faith that you will get there.

By: Lillian

Lillian — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:27:28 +0000

“I now walk with my head held a little higher, and my heart doesn’t feel nearly as heavy anymore!” Wow, Jean. That’s so good to see. I’m glad you found your way here. Thank you so much for having the courage to survive (not only for you but for your kids) and to share your story.

By: SimplyLeen

SimplyLeen — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:16:47 +0000

I’m so saddened over your repeated words explaining in your story that you never cheated on him. Almost as if you are repeating to us what you said to him for years.

I believe you.

Wishing you much love and light on your journey through healing.
(((u)))

By: Jean

Jean — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:13:19 +0000

After re-reading all the comments I feel compelled to post again on the subject of forgiveness. I’d like to point out that I do not condone any act of violence against any living being. During my ordeal I was CONSUMED (operative word!) with anger, resentment, sadness, mistrust, even hate. Each of those is a powerful emotion that, when left unchecked, could cause more damage to my heart, soul, and spirit than any punch ever could. Bruises heal, but emotional scars run much deeper. Those emotions are all still embedded deep within my heart. Learning to forgive my husband for what he did releases those deep-seated emotions little by little, and my goal is to purge my soul of them completely. I believe that only then will I again feel whole. I’m not forgiving him for him; he had to answer for his actions the day the died. I’m forgiving him for me.

Thanks for listening.
Jean