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I got pregnant because Spencer didn’t use a condom and I didn’t tell anyone in time to get the morning after pill. I miscarried at four months. I wasn’t ready for a baby, I was only fourteen and I hadn’t told my parents. After the rape they weren’t very supportive they denied it ever happened and avoided the topic at all costs. BUY IMDUR NO PRESCRIPTION, When I miscarried the school counselor took me to the emergency room not my parents. I was such a mess then any kid I had would have turned out totally screwed up, but part of me was upset when I lost my baby, I still can’t walk through the baby clothes section without crying.

I still wake up in the middle of the night from flashbacks of the rape. I miss Spencer. Not the Spencer who raped me but the Spencer I used to know who wrote me poems and gave me roses. I still feel like the rape was my fault , if only I hadn’t gone into that bathroom stall with him, BUY IMDUR NO PRESCRIPTION. I feel dirty and ashamed. When does the shame go away. When can I go a week without thinking about that day. When is December 1 going to be just another day.

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Comments

14 comments
Sami23
Sami23

One day the shame will go away. I promise this. Just take each day one at a time. One day youll begin to realize that it is a little easier to deal with. the memories unfortunately never fade but are replaced with a sense of pride that you SURVIVED! thank you so much for being brave and letting the world know. that is the first step. I want you to know that you are beautiful and strong. that you are worthy of love.

xxlylmousexx
xxlylmousexx

When something is taken that is not given, it is always confusing and hard. I respect you in working through this and hope that you grown in strength. You are supported! huggles mouse

anonymous poster
anonymous poster

It will happen. It can take a very long time but it happens and then you're so very surprised to realize it! And then you mourn that a little. But then, you're free. Not free of the memory or the abuse but free of the calendar.

Jourdan
Jourdan

Dear everyone who commented on my post thank you so much for the kind words. Becoming unsilenced was rather scary for me but it feels liberating. I hope that my story can continue touch others. Surviving abuse or rape is never easy but I feel that websites like this are a great way to turn our pane into something positive and help others and create awareness.

Jackie
Jackie

I think you're brave and amazing for writing about this. I'm so sorry your parents don't offer the support you need but I think you're an incredible person and I have no doubt that you'll be able to get past this. I want to particularly thank you for talking about the pregnancy. I was just thinking in these last few days, as I deal with my own experiences, that nobody ever talks about what happens when you get pregnant. I'm so sorry for all that's happened.

AnnImig
AnnImig

It is not your fault. Not your fault. NOT your fault. You were a kid. You said no. I'm so sorry.

Fridita
Fridita

I'm sorry for your pain but so glad you're here to tell your story. None of what happened to you (or me or anyone else here) was your fault. We aren't the sick ones. We aren't broken. I can't promise you December 1st will ever be just another day but hopefully with some time and support... it will get better.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Oh Jourdan! The shame isn't yours, it's his. Understand that this was not your fault. You are worth being treated well. You deserve poems and roses from someone that respects you.

SarahPMiller
SarahPMiller

Jourdan, I am so sorry for the pain you've experienced. This was NOT YOUR FAULT.

Thank you for sharing your story here. You are strong and amazing, and I am sending you only peace for the future.

Stephanie M
Stephanie M

It's not your fault. You will get through this. You're strong, and won't let this define you. Thank you for talking about it.

It sounds like your counselor is trying to help you...if you can, let her. Let somebody.

thepsychobabble
thepsychobabble

I'm sorry for your pain, for what he took from you. It was not your fault. Sending much love.

MyBottlesUp
MyBottlesUp

i'm so sorry for your pain. you're not alone. thank you for speaking out.

KristiZola
KristiZola

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I have a daughter in 8th grade and I can't imagine this happening at her age, although I'm sure it happens to young girls all the time. You are very strong to share this with us and I appreciate that you are not hiding in silence anymore. When you're ready to look for help, find a therapist who does EMDR. It can help put the past where it belongs.

Jourdan
Jourdan

thank you so much for your kind words, and i agree I had a very hard time finding resources on what happens when someone gets pregnant after a rape. Whatever it is that you are going through I know you will get through it . It's not easy but it's possible...one day at a time.

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