I have been told that it is so much harder for a man to speak out. Thank you for your courage. Please, finish the book.
BUY ACCUTANE NO PRESCRIPTION, Hi, my name is Karl, and I wear asinine sexist t-shirts to BlogHer.
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It's precisely this reason - that men are often the silent Survivors - that I write this post. All Survivors live by the Code of Silence. It was never spoken to me directly by my abusers, the Code, but I somehow instinctively knew about it. To this day, I have NEVER discussed it with any of them, BUY ACCUTANE NO PRESCRIPTION. I doubt I ever will. Shit, it's confusing how they're all old and harmless now...it'd be very simple to (again) pretend none of that crap ever happened. But I can't. Pandora's Box, etc. BUY ACCUTANE NO PRESCRIPTION, etc.
And it's thanks to a new dear friend of mine (that I met at BlogHer) that I am inspired to dust off my half-finished autobiography. The one I haven't touched in nearly a decade. The one that is still waiting for Chapter 13 to be finished, where I go into detail about some of my teenage abuse. I'm all about the funny, and there's no cracking jokes about that shit. Trust me, I've tried, BUY ACCUTANE NO PRESCRIPTION.
Something inside me - the need to get my story out - has been rekindled. This Silent Survivor stuff is bullshit. I understand the need for it, for the secrecy...it's all about self-preservation. Surviving. BUY ACCUTANE NO PRESCRIPTION, But surviving just isn't enough, mere existence isn't LIVING.
And I'm very thankful for a few people pointing this site out to me. Because clearly, it's "time" for a lot of you. That's a good thing.
Karl asks that you keep all comments here, rather than on his own blog. Please do not leave comments on Facebook, either.
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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Karl, you are so brave to write this. I hope you finish that book. You are a great writer and I'd love to read it. Love to you, dear.
Yes, dust off that book and let another man know he's not alone. It's courageous to just speak out here in this format dear friend.
I also echo your sentiments with who would want to open up the pandora box of the memories you can't recall. From my own experience I suffered PTSD right before I turned 40. It was one hell of a long time to find myself broken and fragmented. As a matter of fact my last blog was titled Scream Quietly.
It's what we do in the deepest recesses of our minds.
Thank you for speaking out. The amount of men and women you help by breaking the silence is insurmoutable. (Hugs)Indigo
Thankyou for speaking out. I really wish more men would speak out; it would help other victims tremendously. You're right about the code of silence. It doesn't even have to be taught.
There doesn't seem to be much out there for boys who were sexually abused. I hope that changes soon.
You're right, Karl. It is time. And the Silent Survivor stuff is bullshit. It's time to shout. It's time to dance. And damnit, it's time to live fully and with abandon.
You've earned it.
Argh, I hate crying. I know that's an unhealthy thing to say, but I just HATE the FEELING of it. Did a little video experiment yesterday to try and make myself cry with music. It worked.
Thanks to all of you again. Amazing group of people, you.
And I'm easy to find, Sherry. My email address is in the sidebar of my blog. In fact, if you Google my name you'll find me easily. Hell, if you type in karlerikson.com you'll find me easily.
Could you please contact me I would like to talk to you about something personal.
I'm so proud of you, Karl. The Code of Silence is meant to protect the abusers, not the abused: you have no obligation to protect those who hurt you any longer. And if anyone is able to find reason to think less of YOU because of what someone did to you, s/he's probably not worth calling a friend -- friends support you, not tear you down.
As I've said elsewhere, I won't abandon you. *love and hugs*
What a huge, huge step you've made, just by posting here.
I'm not going to desert you or think less of you.
So proud of you.
I knew "something" had happened based on what I've read on Twitter but I didn't know your story.
I've been done with the piece for 15 minutes now and I'm still sick to stomach.
I hate that the people who you should have been able to trust did that to you.
We both deserved much, much better.
Write the book...I really hope you do, I think many will benefit from it. Your braveness to share this will undoubtedly help others.
I'm so proud of you. i think you're a hell of a lot stronger than you realize or give yourself creit for. I hope this helped and I hope you can connect soon. and as your friend, I hope you know I still love you. youi can't scare your friends off that easily babe. ;)
Big, giant tears are streaming sown my face as I type this. I'm honored that you have shared in the past some of this. Honored more that you would direct me here to read.
My heart aches and I'm feeling so pulled in different directions emotionally. The "mother" in me wants to pull you in my lap, rock you, hold you, somehow soothe that little boy's heart that still lives within you. The 'best friend' in me simply wants to beat all their asses in a very inhuman fashion.
I really, really think it is necessary for you to push through that tough chapter. Yes, for you...but also surely for all the other men out there who are Silent Sufferer's.
I love you wholly, unconditionally and exactly as you are. You are such a blessing in my life.
Thanks again, gang. Far too many comments for me to respond to individually, but wow.
Honestly, I have a great deal of difficulty reading stories on this site. Too triggering for me. I happened to find my autobiography yesterday...it's part of my therapy assignment for next appt. Think she's gonna make me read it out loud in my session, doesn't want me to read it before then. (Which is way hard.)
Haven't touched it in almost a decade, that manuscript.
The t-shirt in the photo link near the top of this post? That's my own design. I'll put it up for sale in my store soon. Thanks.
Wow...as you can guess, most of us who are your friends had no idea you had to endure such misery. How awful. I've very sorry to read this, but I hope it helped you to type it, talk about, and have folks support you.
I am so sorry. My son is almost 4, and I just feel sick thinking that your parents violated you so horribly.
Thank you for speaking out.
Wow. Just wow. You definitely need to finish your book. Not just for you, but for other men like you who don't yet have the courage to speak out.
PS- I love that t-shirt and have a brother-in-law who would proudly wear it. Did you make it or buy it somewhere?
I broke The Code of Silence. I broke the Code of Silence publicly on my blog. Last week. I feel wonderful. The Code of Silence does not just protect the abusers from getting caught. Whether spoken or not, the Code of Silence prevents recovery for the victim. I’m not certain that full recovery can happen if the Code of Silence isn’t broken, but the answer to that question is waiting to be found because my recovery is still in progress. I can say that I moved one giant step forward when I blogged about it, and I didn’t have to ask, “Mother, may I?” It’s my story to tell.
If it can help you, and if the moderator will please post this, I have three blogs at www.boardinginbedlam.blogspot.com that directly address my story. More will follow at the end of the month. Read them. Take out of them what you like, or what you can use, and leave the rest.
I have readers jumping out of the woodwork (some of them I have known for years) sending me private e-mails that say, “Me, too.” They also say, “Thank you.” The message is obvious. There are many people suffering under the Code of Silence.
Keeping working, Karl. Keep working through your recovery. The goal is not simply to survive. We get one trip through this life. We need to thrive!
I don't know you very well, but while reading this, my mind kept flashing between protection - wanting to take that little boy and save him and furious anger - wanting to hurt the people that hurt you and that hurt children. I worked with delinquent and foster children for ten years, and you always think you've heard it all but you never get calloused - at least I don't. Stories like this make me sometimes think I should go back.
This is very brave of you and I cannot imagine how hard it is for you. My heart breaks for you and for all of the children/adults who have to live with this. As a therapist, I can tell you, more books are needed on this - I was always looking for more resources for the boys I worked with. I wonder if you'd be surprised to hear that I was dealing more with boys in this situation than girls.
Good luck Karl,
Please write your book. Undoubtedly you are a survivor, and your story needs to be out there. Just as you needed a story... there is someone waiting for yours.
How could I possibly love you more? But I do. I admire your courage (and hate the word 'victim' as well, but in your case it applies!) and I think finishing the book will maybe do as much good as all the years of therapy combined.
You're the best, baby.
I wish I could go back in time and kick some ass. Things like this make me so angry. I can't understand how these people's minds work.
I admire your courage. It takes a lot to break the silence. Stay strong. Keep writing; it could make a difference in someone's life.
Hugs to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You deserved so, so much better from the adults in your life.
Thank you for telling your truth. It seems like a story that would be good for you to write in detail, and I think it would help many people to hear it.
Take care. Hugs.
*hugs* thank you for breaking the silence Karl. You're an amazingly strong man.
I'm so sorry for everything you've faced at the hands of the ones we should trust more than anyone.
You're in my thoughts.
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And the damn comment form put an extra http:// in front of my URL. Oops.
And I'm too OCD to let that slide.
Again, thanks to all of you. It's very difficult for me to read these comments, to soak it all in. I suspected such would be the case.
I am so sorry that happened, and as the mother of a son I am outraged and apalled on more levels than I can voice that you lived through that.
But I am glad that you are no longer silent about it.
*big, heavy sigh*
I know in my head it's not true, but I spend a lot of days assuming most people have gone through abuse in some form.
You are not alone.
I have debated writing my experience down but my family reads my blog and I feel like I somehow owe it to them to tell them first... But the shame gets in the way, and the feeling of "c'mon, it really wasn't that bad in comparison to everyone else, get over it".
I never seem to get over it, though.
One of the most insidious things about some kinds of abuse is the uncertainty that accompanies it. Sensing deep-down, but not realizing it, that something is not "normal" yet not knowing what "normal" is;feeling the shame, the pain, the disgust but not having anything to pin those feelings to; until later we finally learn or realize the shit that was done to us was oh-so-fucking wrong. Then having to come terms with it.
My story is so different than yours, but so similar. I've only told part of it here so far because I, too, am living in that silence somewhat.
Thank you for breaking your silence and telling your story. It validates the story I've already told and encourages me to break the silence on the as-yet-untold story.
It takes unbelievable strength to do what you did today. I admire you. I admire everyone who has told their story. I hurt for you, too...and wonder if today has you feeling raw, vulnerable yet somehow stronger than ever....as I felt the day I posted.
I'm also wondering how I can reach out to you today.
You did the right thing. For the right reasons. And this survivor has found strength from your story.
Raw guts. Thank you.
I'm here. Always.
I love u.
Write your book. And I absolutely expect a personally signed copy.
I'm here. Yes, for real.