Kate
It wasn’t a big deal to me when it started. My oldest brother brought me to his bedroom and pushed a book into my hands, telling me to read it. I remember reading a page or two–a story about a girl named Crystal who was using her hairbrush for a very different purpose than styling her locks. I looked up and my brother, who is five years older than me, told me he wanted to try something. He had me lay sideways on his bed with my 2nd grade-sized sneakers hanging over the edge, then he pulled my shorts and underpants down and had oral sex with me.
I remember laying there doing nothing, not feeling anything except the wetness of his tongue, but I noticed he got very sweaty and kept one hand between his legs. After some time passed, he stopped and told me to pull up my pants and get out of his room, adding that I’d better not tell anyone what had just taken place.
It became routine for Bob to seek me out at various times of the day and on family outings. I would want to play on the big slide shaped like a rocket on the playground, but Bob would want to take me for a walk. If I balked, my mother would tell me to knock it off and go with my brother. I still don’t know why she never questioned what we were doing when we trudged off into the surrounding forested area near the river rather than hanging out with everyone else at the park.
I don’t remember how old I was the first time I told Bob that I wanted him to stop and that I was going to tell our parents what he was doing, but I know that when I threatened to tell, that’s when he began hurting me: a broken wrist, a chunk of flesh removed from the back of my thumb with pliers, holding me underwater until I thought I would drown. He terrorized me during camping trips, taking my twin brother and me for walks through the woods at night and suddenly sprinting off with the flashlight, leaving us alone in the dark. As we’d make our unseeing way along the dirt path, Bob would explode out of the brush or from behind a tree, grabbing me and making me scream. Even now, I am still terrified of being alone outside in the dark.
As time went on, my brother got bolder. There was one afternoon when my sister and I were lying on our parents’ bed, watching TV. Bob came in and began molesting my sister. She did not fight him or act surprised by what he was doing, which made me realize (as an adult) that was not the first time Bob touched her. At some point, she said she didn’t want him to do that (oral sex) to her anymore, so he should “just do her (me).” Which he did. On our parents’ bed. As my sister watched.
There was the time in his bedroom when my twin brother walked in on us. When Bob saw my other brother, he yelled at him to get the eff out and then rolled off of me so that he could chase him down. I don’t know exactly what was said, but I remember hearing threats made if my twin brother dared to say anything to anyone. He never did.
When I was in 8th grade, my brother left for college and I thought the abuse would stop. But when Christmas break arrived and Bob came home, he picked up right where he’d left off. At this point, my body was reacting to what he would do to me and while my nerve endings sent the message, “This feels good!” the rest of me was screaming, “Stop! I hate this!” I loathed myself for physically responding to something I mentally hated with every fiber of my being.
I decided to tell my math teacher what was going on because I wanted the abuse to stop but I knew I couldn’t tell my parents. I wrote him a series of letters telling him everything, and he obeyed the law and told the authorities, who then told my parents. At first, in the principal’s office where they’d received the news, my parents made a show of concern and sympathy. I let down my guard, thinking that maybe it was going to be okay after all. Once we were in the car, though, my mom turned around in her seat and asked me why I had made up such a lie about my brother. When I insisted that I hadn’t lied, she reached out and slapped me. I sat in stunned silence until we got home, where my mom told me to go to my room and stay there. I ran up the stairs and almost collided with my sister. She had a panicked look on her face as she told me very quietly, “I am going to deal with this my own way. Don’t tell mom and dad anything about me and Bob, okay?” I didn’t want her to hate me, so I agreed to keep quiet.
My parents called my siblings into the kitchen to be interrogated and each denied knowing anything about the abuse. I don’t understand why they chose to protect Bob rather than stand up for me. It’s something I have never understood. When my mom called my brother, Bob told her it had happened once. Apparently, my parents didn’t have a problem with their oldest son molesting their youngest daughter if it was just one time. Interestingly enough, years later, Bob admitted to abusing me twice. Then four times. I don’t have a total number of incidents, but I would say he needs to add a couple zeroes behind that four to even begin approaching an accurate estimate.
Because my brother was 19 when I finally told, he was arrested on his college campus. My mom hated me for “deliberately trying to wreck Bob’s life with my lies.” She wrote a letter that she distributed to every faculty member at the junior high school I attended, saying that she knew they’d heard the accusation against my brother, but it wasn’t true. She said I had lied for attention, but that she and my dad were going to get me help for my problem. I was given no sympathy, no compassion, no understanding. When I was subpoenaed to testify in front of a grand jury, my mom told me that if I sent my brother to jail, I would be kicked out of the house. I tried to minimize what had happened, but the court already had my deposition and knew the truth. Bob was found guilty of sodomy (a Class A felony), and sentenced to 100 hours of community service and four years of probation, with the stipulation that his record could be expunged if he completed the terms of his sentence satisfactorily (too bad he couldn’t erase the newspaper blurbs mentioning his arrest & conviction).
Through the years, I engaged in cutting myself as a means of making myself cry and while I was not promiscuous, I gave too much of myself too early into every relationship I entered. I was left out of family discussions because of my supposed inability to keep my mouth shut, but when I would retreat to my room to read, I was berated for being antisocial. In public, my mother tolerated me, but in private, I was loathsome to her.
In 2004, after spending years in therapy, I wrote my siblings identical letters, telling them that all I wanted from them was an admittance that they knew I did not lie about Bob sexually abusing me and a willingness to talk about that time of our lives for one afternoon so that I could ask my questions and hear their answers and hopefully get some closure. Each of them refused. One sister told me that I was never to bring up the subject via email, phone or snail mail again because it was not appropriate discussion material. The other told me that she thought it would be best if we had just a superficial relationship. And my twin brother told me that Bob was a great guy, one of his best friends, and that he remembered me seeking Bob out, “looking for it and wanting it,” which was a blatant lie. I chose then to cut them all out of my life. I decided I was going to end the cycle of abuse by not exposing my children to my family’s dysfunction. It was a decision I have never regretted. I stopped talking to my mom at the end of 2007 and have been happier since she has no way to hurt me anymore. My dad reconciled with me on my 19th birthday and we were able to develop a genuine friendship before he died in 1993.
I found Violence UnSilenced and realized this was a place where my voice could finally be heard. I don’t feel the need to relive my past every day of my life, but I do believe that if I WANT to talk about it, I have every right to. It may not be “appropriate discussion material,” but I refuse to pretend it never happened just to make things “look good” (sorry, Mom). The truth often isn’t pretty, but that doesn’t mean it should be hidden away.
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Kate blogs at Life With Special Needs Kids. Please keep all comments here where it’s safe, rather than on her own blog.
67 Responses to “Kate”
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Kate,
I am so very sorry. I read your story with tears in my eyes. No child should ever, ever have to edure what you did. I’m shocked at the way your family handled the situation. If you can’t get support from your own mother who can you get it from? I’m not sure why your siblings chose to ignore/deny the situation, but I think you made the right choice in not seeing your family again.
I have to say, I am also shocked in the punishment that your brother got. He should have been locked up for a very long time. I pray that he hasn’t abused another child/adult in this way since this happened to you. But something tells me that may not be the case. Blessings to you and your family. They are lucky to have you for their mother to protect them from the abuse they may have recieved. Thank you for sharing.
Kate,
I don’t have your bravery. I already knew that after “getting to know you” on BGGB and reading about you and your fantastic kids, but I realize it even more after reading your story. That anyone could come out of what you did and be such a great person and mom is a miracle. It’s always stunning that parents/siblings seem find it easier to take the side of the abuser rather than the abused. I know that must have hurt, but you’ve come through it with poise and grace. Thanks for being who you are.
Love,
Kelly
thanks kate, for taking a stand. for not being afraid. for making decisions for yourself even if it ‘killed’ you inside. i pray for the one day that your family realizes just what they’ve done. they’re missing out on a great friend, sister and daughter…
Kate,
I applaud you for not being ashamed to tell. There is a lot of shame in this story, but NONE of it falls on you. I grow increasingly proud to know you every day.
Love,
Megan
Kate,
Thank you for your courage to stand up tell your story while being flogged with criticism from your own family. You are an extremely strong person and I applaud you for telling your story and stopping the cycle of abuse. Hopefully one day your family realizes, as was said above, they are missing out on having a relationship with one amazing individual and what happened was not right. I’ve never been more proud to call you my friend.
Kate, I am speechless. I am so sorry.
I send you only healing and peace. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Kate,
I so understand your feelings about your family. Although my abuse was not sexual, nor did it happen as a child, my family sided with my abuser. I haven’t been speaking to my mother as a result. You need to take care of you first and you never need to endure toxic relationships with your family. Just because you share blood with someone doesn’t mean you are bound to share anything else with them.
So much love to you and I applaud your bravery.
Melissa
I’m one of those people who wants to “fix” things, especially when those things outrage me. I know there’s no way I can “fix” this for you, though. I hope writing it out, despite your family’s obsessive protection of your brother, helps you to heal. Thank GOD you’ve chosen to break the cycle of abuse. Thank GOD you have precious children of your own that will never know that shame, embarrassment, or pain, because they have parents that will love and believe them, no matter WHAT they say.
To Kate’s family? You’re undoubtedly reading this. SHAME ON YOU.
Love you, Kate! You are so brave.
Dear Kate,
My heart stopped while reading this story. You are so brave. I am sorry that none in your family had the bravery to defend you and i worry that Bob is abusing someone even now. I cannot even begin to uderstand your mother and why she would not protect you.
{{{{{{{{Kate}}}}}}}}}}
You have made the right decision for your children.
Keeping up appearances has ruined many lives.
I’m saddened by your story, but very very happy that you have found a place to ‘talk’ about it. Peace to you and your family.
kate… though it means very little to hear the words “i’m sorry,” i truly am…. so deeply sorry you endured such pain and trauma for so long. reading this was like watching a train wreck as it occurred… i couldn’t look away, no matter how painful it was to read, but i wanted to see your ending… your “not hiding.”
congratulations on your survivorship and your voice. you are no longer silenced.
i wish you peace as you continue to embrace your survivorship.
Just thank you.
Kate, there are no words to say how sorry I am that you had to endure this. You are so brave to share and I am so proud that you were able to develop a strong, healthy family with your husband and kiddos. Thank you for having the courage to share.
Im sorry for what you went thru Kate but know that your a stronger person for standing up and talking about this issue in the open. Im glad you choose not to allow your kids to be involoved in such abuse Good for you for protecting them the way your mother should have protected you.
Telling this story when nobody’s ever believed it in the past takes a whole lot of courage. That’s a recurring theme in all of these stories published here. But you brought up something here that I don’t remember anybody saying before. And it took a whole other kind of guts to say it “out loud”.
“This feels good”.
That’s a normal — and involuntary — physiological response. But it’s commonly felt that if it feels good you must be enjoying it. It’s not true, but that’s the perception. It’s a response to a stimulus, period. Women have been known to reach orgasm while being raped, men and boys achieve erections while being molested. Does that make them less victimized? No. It does not. But that’s probably the hardest part for any of them to reconcile. I can only imagine that it feels as if your own body is joining the conspiracy and betraying you right along with the rest. And I don’t know it, but I strongly suspect that many of the ones who have come before you have suffered the came conflict.
I had to read this twice to make sure I was really reading what I was reading. Every single person you should have been able to feel safe with turned away. It’s as if your entire family was missing a critical piece of humanity. Like a horror movie you can’t stand to watch, but can’t look away.
I’m glad you found this place. I hope with all my being that you know now that there are people who will believe you — without asking for proof, without asking for explanation, without reservation or doubt. And I hope that’s somehow given you some peace, some validation.
If nothing else, you’ve broken the cycle and for that alone you can stand tall. Your children will never have to endure what you did, and if the rest of your family chooses to continue down the same old road, at least they won’t drag you down with them.
Much love for you.
Kate,
Reading this made my heart break for you, with every paragraph. You didn’t deserve this. No one does. May each daughter, sister, wife and mother that reads what you’ve written- stop and think. About the children in our care, the women around us. The vulnerable who need an advocate. Thank you for writing, for refusing to be silenced- even by your family.
Ti
you have so much strength and courage to stand up and speak your truth and not allow yourself to be silenced because of some twisted logic your family has adopted.
you have broken the cycle. and i know how liberating it is. i did it too.
but i always think about those who don’t, those who survive the abuse by protecting it. i will never understand it. it’s like a foreign language with no translation. but worse, because it gets handed down generation after generation.
you have done so much good here.
Hi mom ~
Even though I already know this story it still makes me tear up and brings anger into my blood. I am glad my uncles and aunts have no part in my life. What they did to you was beyond horrid, wrong or intolerable.
Thank you for breaking the cycle of abuse. Thank you for being the strong, caring, loving person, friend and mother you are to me today. I love you and my heart truly weeps at the evil you had to endure in your childhood.
I’m so proud of you for standing up and speaking out. Never let anyone tell you or make you feel like this is wrong.
I love you, mom and I thank for sharing what happened with Beth, Bob, Curt and Connie.
~ Megan
As a mother and a woman, it is unfathomable to me that a mother could ever sacrifice the physical and emotional well being of one of her children to preserve the “good name” of another of her children.
Let me commend you for sharing your story. While I realize that it was painful dredging up those memories, perhaps your story may resonate with just ONE reader who for many years, has sat alone in silence hiding a “dirty” secret. Maybe your story will be the impetus for just ONE person to get help to come to terms with their own tragic story.
In the last five months, I’ve come to know you and your awesome children. Your mother and siblings are truly missing out on having wonderful people in their lives but this is a choice THEY made and will have to live with for the rest of their lives.
Kate, I have tears streaming down my face right now. I am so angry for you. Your mother is the biggest witch and she will have to face her punishment one day and your sicko brother will also. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I love you Kate and you are a very strong woman.
This story makes my heart hurt so much. But that is the nature of abuse, and even worse to have those who should be protecting you think you are a liar. Thank-you for sharing your story. I hope others have the courage to speak up after reading it.
(((Kate))) you did it! I’m so proud of you for speaking out!!!
I know that it states to post here where it is safe, but I did post on your blog. I want those that don’t follow this link to know that I stand behind you 100% in your choice to speak out about this!
Kate,
You are my hero. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. I know it had to be tough. I hope and pray that your family might one day realize the truth. I’m so happy that you broke the cycle and will not allow your children to know the hurt that you know. I love you lady. Thank you so much for shaing.
Cami
Kate~
I’m so dang proud of you for writing and posting this. For standing up for youself and your children. For being an amazing mom and ALWAYS the advocate for them and their needs. For being the wonderful person that you are, despite your horrific past.
I’m appalled at your family’s response, but not surprised. By owning up to it, they’d have to admit that they knew and were equally responsible for allowing it to continue.
Thank you for your courage and your HONESTY.
Kate – You are such an amazingly strong woman. I am so sorry that you had to endure such pain and abuse in your life, but I am so proud that you have survived and evolved into the wonderful wife, mother, and woman you are today.
As a parent, it disgusts me to think that a parent could turn their back on a child after learning of this type of abuse. While I know that your parents may have had trouble accepting that this happened, they had a responsibility to you…to protect you, to love you, to help you heal. They also had a responsibility to ensure that your brother got the help he needed and to ensure that no one else would ever suffer the same type of abuse inflicted by him. I truly hope and pray that he has never hurt anyone else in this way since your parents found out, but I am almost certain that he has. Since there were no true consequences for him, I am sure he has found others to victimize.
While I am sure that it has been difficult for you to separate from your family, I know that it was probably the best thing for you to do. How could you possibly maintain relationships with people who do not believe you or do not want to acknowledge that the abuse really happened.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your story! You are such a brave woman to speak out at a young age and now about the abuse you went through. I’m sorry for how unsupportive your family has been. I hope at some point, for their sake, they will stop denying it and allow themselves to heal, as you have. You were able to break the cycle and raise 7 wonderful kids.
Amanda
Good for you! You should be allowed to talk about it.
I wish I could say your family’s response surprised me. It doesn’t. It seems some families are more concerned with appearances. Some lash out when you rock the boat.
I’m glad you did. Thank you.
Kate~
You are one of the strongest people I know. Good for you for speaking the truth. Your Mom should be ashmed! I pray that Bob never had childern of his own…
Rachel
When I sat on the witness stand, testifying against my molester, I was asked to identify pornographic magazines that I had seen in his apartment. I was given a stack of magazines and time to look at them. By the time I was finished looking at them I had a tall stack of magazines that I remembered seeing, a stack that I didn’t remember seeing, a painful erection, and a heavy case of shame and guilt. Why did I feel excitement over something that we were prosecuting a man for showing to me? I was 13. Our bodies are programmed to respond to sexual stimulation, and we sometimes we cannot control it. It is very hard to control it when we are young. I hope that you no longer loathe yourself for something you could not control.
You are 100% not guilty for the things that your older brother did to you. Your older brother is 100% guilty for the things that he did to you and to your sister.
Your decision to distance yourself from a family that is toxic is honest and brave. I do hope that if the time comes that your siblings approach you to deal with this issue you will be able to meet them with Grace. Your siblings were damaged by both your older brother and your parent’s response. In time, they might seek help.
Thank you for sharing this story.
Not appropriate discussion material? Ha. Give me a break.
Light scatters darkness, and what is brought into the light cannot stay covered in the dark.
Blessings to you for bringing out an experience that is ‘not appropriate discussion material’ that it might save someone’s life.
First off I will say that I didn’t read all of your story Kate.
However, what I did read did knock me off my feet. I think what your brother did was an inexcusable sin. And I believe that it was the best solution to distance yourself from your family.
You didn’t deserve that. And it breaks my heart to know that your family, whom to our faces (ours being the kids) say that they love you and try to sugar coat everything about their relationship with you. And yet, behind your back, they talk crap about you and make up stories.
I find Bobs act to be the worst sin a brother can commit against his sister. And the only thing right now that gets me through this anger is knowing that he will stand before Christ one day in the judgment seat and pay for what he did to you.
2 Corinthians 5:10 – “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad.”
I think that, aside from your brother, your mother sinned just as much. Your mother (and father) are supposed to protect you and to punish their children (your brother in this case) when he hurts a member of the family. And, they didn’t. Instead, your mother, your own flesh and blood, went up AGAINST you, and claimed to the teacher, and police that you were lying. And you know, if that isn’t a terrible sin I don’t know what is.
I’m glad that you have nothing to do with your family Kate. They are poison to our family and Christian way of life. Christ says to love your enemies. Well, I pray right now they find God before it’s too late.
But, moving on, I wouldn’t trust them, nor would I let my children be a part of that family either. So, It’s great that you distanced yourself from them. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness?” And I believe this verse speaks for this moment right here.
I’m glad and truly happy that you have distanced yourself from your family Kate. And, I’m happy that you shared your story with so many people out there who can give you encouragement through these hard times.
I know it will take time, and it won’t be easy, but with Christ, your husband, and loving family. I know that you’ll pull through this.
God bless you and your family Mom.
I love you and I’ll talk to you later.
~AJ
(P.S. Sorry to everyone who reads this for being redundant.)
Kate, it took a lot of courage to post this. I’m so sorry you went through such horrible abuse and then such a horrible response.
Thank you for sharing.
Kate –
No words can begin to express my empathy.
You are heard, you are not wrong, you are not a liar.
You are strong a brave and by doing what you need to take care of yourself and your family, you are amazing and an inspiration.
Thank you for sharing with us. Know you are not alone.
Kate,
I cannot even fathom the depths of your pain. It breaks my heart. What an amazingly strong and brave woman you are! Woe to your family on judgement day (and I believe that they will all be held accountable for the hideous ways they have wronged you). I believe you have really taken what the devil meant for harm and turned it to something for good to the glory of God.
So proud to know you!
Shelly
Shit. Kate. Shit. I had no idea. I’m so sorry. I knew you had some family problems but I had no idea that it went so deeply.
I’m so proud to know you, and I’m so proud of the steps you’ve taken and how far you’ve grown. You’re my friend and I’m proud to say that. I’m just proud to know you.
Kate,
You did it! I am so proud of you for stepping out and telling your truth. Your family are such fools to think that they can silence you!
I’ve heard you tell your story before, more than once, and I know that there is so much more to it than what you are telling here. Maybe someday you’ll be able to tell it in its entireity.
What your brother, Bob, (and the rest of your family) did to you was despicable, especially the fact that they refuse to acknowledge it and seek your forgiveness (as Biblically and professing Christians they should do!). As Adam put it, “all things will be brought to the light”.
I’m so glad to have been able to spend half of my life with you (20 years!). You are the strongest and bravest woman that I know. Your family is missing out on so much, not only you but their seven nieces, nephews or grandchildren. I want you to know that I support you 100% and beyond!
I know that you were very hurt by your parent’s and sibling’s actions (or inactions) well beyond the initial abuse. I pray that God would use your pain and recovery to give others the courage to speak out so they can be healed, too.
I love you, Kate.
Charley (your very proud of you hubby)
I am so sorry for all you went through. Good for you for not letting your family silence you.
You are so brave to write what happened to you. I can’t even imagine living through such heart aches! I’m so glad you shared. You are amazing and your children are blessed to have you. I’m blessed to know you.
Kate you are an awesome person for making it through it all. I am sorry that they all chose to ignore it all. I am glad that you have made it to where you are now and I hope that you finally get the chance to heal.
Kate,
I am SO very proud of you for telling your story. You are definitely a brave woman who endured something NO ONE should ever have to endure.
I only wish I had half your bravery, spirit, and nerve.
Cheryl
You deserve to be heard and to be believed! I can’t even fathom what went on in your house growing up, but you are so brave and so strong to come forward with your story. You did the right thing telling someone, and it sounds like you did the right thing cutting ties with your family – as hard as that must have been.
Thank you for sharing, my heart goes out to you.
I am so proud of you! Evil and so much evil…that is all that I can think of to say about your family. For the people who think that appearances are so important and that what your family “looks like” is everything I want to remind them that satan was the most beautiful of all of the angels. Looks are very deceiving.
Your family chose to try to look perfect and normal on the outside and all the while their very souls were and still are black,rotten and full of evil.
I truly with every fiber of my being believe that each one of them will have to answer for what they have done.
Bravo for taking a stand and fighting evil.
Christine
Kate,
I feel almost speechless, with tears in my eyes. First when I read your story, then when I read through all your comments (esp from your 2 oldest kiddos & your hubby). You are such an amazing, strong woman who I feel so lucky to “know!” Thank you for sharing your story b/c I know that you have made a difference in many people’s lives today. You should not ever be silenced, & your brother (&family) should not excuse these HORRIFIC acts. I am sad to think that your sister is probably suffering on her own too b/c she chose to lie about the same thing. Your whole family is truly missing out on having you and your kids in their life. You are so brave, and I am so sorry this happened to you, but I know it has molded you into the amazing person and mother you are today!
Erin
Kate, firstly, THANK YOU for being brave and telling your story. It is unbelievably courageous. You have no idea how many people you can help by sharing and letting them know that IT’S OKAY to talk about it, because that’s where the healing process begins. Secondly, I sat reading this, with my fists clenched so tight that I have red marks in my palms where the nails dug in. I am INFURIATED that your innocence was taken from you and that your brother got away with it under everyone’s noses. I am enraged that your siblings lied for that monster. That’s what he is: a MONSTER. A predator who preyed on the innocence of a little girl. A disgusting pedophile. I am proud of you for keeping your kids away from an environment that is full of toxic lies. Their innocence is being protected, both emotionally as well as physically. I am no stranger to this kind of abuse, by a family member no less, so I can relate. My mother believed me, which I think made the difference for me. I also cut myself and felt like it was my fault, even though I was just a little girl. I have learned to move on from what happened to me, but because the sick bastard who hurt me was never punished, I have never forgiven him and go to great extremes to avoid him at family functions when I know he’ll be present. You are an AMAZING and incredibly STRONG woman and I thank you again for sharing this. If your family happens to read this, they should feel ASHAMED and know that they committed the ultimate sin in denying the way an innocent little girl was robbed. If they think they won’t be punished on Judgment Day, they have another thing coming. For your mother and siblings: I hope the guilt of your denial eats away at you every day. And for your brother: People like you have no guilt, no remorse. I hope the demons that caused you to prey on innocence eat away at you and prey on you.
I have no words that will sound appropriate….just support. You are brave beyond my comprehension.
All I can say is, “That sucks and is so unfair!”
There, I have said it!
Thank you for taking a stand and cutting yourself off from your family…for your sake, for your children’s sake…sometimes it just has to be done!
You are a beautiful person, Kate!
blessings,
Sarah
I am so, so sorry for what you’ve been through.
Oh, Wonderful, Beautiful Kate~
What a brave thing to be able to write publically about your story; someday soon, I shall also. Although I did not experience the extent of sexual abuse from my brothers, there are so many things that ring true. I have never told anyone, except my husband. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs,
Maire
((((u)))
Your story mirrors my own story. I made the same choice that you did to cut my family out of my life. I’m happy to say my daughters have never experienced what you and I considered “normal”.
Blessings to you and much peace. The best revenge is living a good life. Seems to me, you are well on your way there.
Kate,
I am sorry for all that you’ve been through with your family. You had mentioned some of this to me before, but not with much detail. I am glad you were strong enough to distance yourself from your family, as sad as it is to have to do so. You are such a strong, caring woman, and a fantastic, dedicated mother. I commend you for rising up above your circumstances.
Love,
Shel
Kate, your courage is so admirable and inspiring. I am glad you have been able to come to a point in your life that you can have your voice and be supported.
People with courage and character always seem sinister to those without it.
Kate first of all GOOD FOR YOU! Standing up to the truth even at the risk of losing the ones you love. While I read this I thought to myself Kate has to read my books. You see I have walked in similar shoes as you except I don’t have brothers but I did have a teenage cousin that used his force to silence my sister and I and molest us for over a year and a half. Unlike your parents, sisters/brother I got the support of my parents however my large extended family of over 40 people disowned me and supported the cousin who was arrested and confessed to doing this to my sister and I.
I went on to write two books “Stolen Innocence” and Living For Today” that was just released in stores this month. I suggest you pick both up as you will be able to relate in so many ways and will understand as I describe being disowned and threatened with lawsuits if I continue to speak out by family members what it is like to live a life of incest.
Good Luck to you and keep speaking out!
Erin Merryn
http://www.erinmerryn.net
Hi Kate!
You did the right thing! And, I have tears running down my face reading your story as my brother also molested me as a young girl and I never told anyone. I wanted to believe that it was my dad because growing up I hated my dad, and I did not want to believe it was my brother because I loved my brothers. I have recently told my story publically for the first time and it is hard. But, I believe it is necessary and I commend you for reaching out as it helps people like me deal with my own process of healing. Together we can all make a difference, raise our voices, tell our stories so others will see that this happens to people like you and like me and that it MUST STOP!! So, I just want to tell you that I support you and I hope others will join in and not stop talking and “stop the silence”. Keep talking Kate, keep moving forward, keep reaching out!
Laurie
Calgary, Canada
Good for you for living your life without a family who wants to blame you for heinous treatment that clearly was not your fault.
Kate…you are so brave. I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you but I am so proud of you for making your voice heard. I hope that your story will help someone who is in a similar situation.
MUCH love to you!
Kate,
I am in awe of your bravery to write this story. Your words are so eloquent about such an abomination. Your brother’s cruel acts and belief that his actions had no consequence are obviously part of a destructive family pattern to hide the truth at any cost. You should be proud to have severed ties with people who have little regard for your psyche and trust.
Your parents failed you. As adults, your siblings have failed you. Your brother is a sick individual who should not be trusted with any children ever. I am heartened to know that you have surrounded yourself with people who lift you up rather than take advantage of the heartache your brother and mother have caused.
It is plain to see that you have done work to create your own healing space. By being the careful, loving parent that you are, you insure your children’s safety as well as continued healing for yourself.
I hope you continue to find the peace and love that you deserve. I believe in karma and your mother, brothers, and sister should be the ones afraid of the darkness– not you.
Your words inspire me to look at my own growing up. I know others will be touched as well.
Kate – I am so sorry to hear of your story, but I applaud your courage, both at sharing it and dealing with your family.
Wow, you are such a strong person! I’m so sorry that you have such an atrocious family, no one deserves that. Love to you and your seven amazing children.
You’ve made a lot of brave decisions after enduring what you did. Bless you for all of them and especially for the person who will read your post and feel empowered to share their own story. Much peace and happiness to you. You deserve both in abundance.
God, this was painful to read. I’m appalled by the ways that your birthfamily acted.
SO proud of you for speaking out, and detaching yourself from their sickness. Ick.
Thank you for sharing. What they did is inexcusable. They’ll have a long sentence to serve on the other side, I’m convinced.
Kate -
I have only just found the strength to comment today. I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered at the hands of Bob, and for the further pain you experienced by your family’s insistence on denial, betrayal, and lies rather than support and love and healing.
I’m glad you got away. Thank you for telling your story.
Thank you for having the courage to survive and to share your story.
Thank you for every word you wrote, for the men and women who read this who will identify will have true hope knowing that you broke the cycle. You are unspeakably brave, and clearly very blessed with a wonderful, loving family of your own now.
Shit. I am so sorry your family did not stand by you in your courage.
Kate, I’m so glad for you! Your ability to overcome the undermining influence of your “family of origin” speaks volumes about your strength and courage. Your daughter Megan’s words of support also testify to your success in breaking free from your painful past. Bless you for sharing your story. I pray that through the sharing of these stories we’re able to make the world a better place.
Wow, Kate. Wow. You are so amazing and brave for sharing your story. I just wanted you to know that you’ve really helped me today. I was reading through the comments on my own post and you said in yours that you would share your own story.. and here it is. Thank you. Thank you for standing up and speaking out so courageously.