BUY PONSTEL OVER THE COUNTER, It wasn't a big deal to me when it started. My oldest brother brought me to his bedroom and pushed a book into my hands, telling me to read it. I remember reading a page or two--a story about a girl named Crystal who was using her hairbrush for a very different purpose than styling her locks. I looked up and my brother, who is five years older than me, told me he wanted to try something. He had me lay sideways on his bed with my 2nd grade-sized sneakers hanging over the edge, then he pulled my shorts and underpants down and had oral sex with me.
I remember laying there doing nothing, not feeling anything except the wetness of his tongue, PONSTEL wiki, but I noticed he got very sweaty and kept one hand between his legs. After some time passed, Buy PONSTEL from mexico, he stopped and told me to pull up my pants and get out of his room, adding that I'd better not tell anyone what had just taken place.
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I don't remember how old I was the first time I told Bob that I wanted him to stop and that I was going to tell our parents what he was doing, PONSTEL use, but I know that when I threatened to tell, PONSTEL from mexico, that's when he began hurting me: a broken wrist, a chunk of flesh removed from the back of my thumb with pliers, holding me underwater until I thought I would drown, is PONSTEL addictive. He terrorized me during camping trips, taking my twin brother and me for walks through the woods at night and suddenly sprinting off with the flashlight, leaving us alone in the dark, BUY PONSTEL OVER THE COUNTER. As we'd make our unseeing way along the dirt path, PONSTEL natural, Bob would explode out of the brush or from behind a tree, grabbing me and making me scream. Even now, I am still terrified of being alone outside in the dark, PONSTEL canada, mexico, india.
As time went on, PONSTEL alternatives, my brother got bolder. There was one afternoon when my sister and I were lying on our parents' bed, watching TV. Bob came in and began molesting my sister. She did not fight him or act surprised by what he was doing, which made me realize (as an adult) that was not the first time Bob touched her. At some point, PONSTEL no rx, she said she didn't want him to do that (oral sex) to her anymore, PONSTEL no prescription, so he should "just do her (me)." Which he did. On our parents' bed. As my sister watched.
There was the time in his bedroom when my twin brother walked in on us. When Bob saw my other brother, he yelled at him to get the eff out and then rolled off of me so that he could chase him down. I don't know exactly what was said, PONSTEL samples, but I remember hearing threats made if my twin brother dared to say anything to anyone. He never did. Buy cheap PONSTEL, When I was in 8th grade, my brother left for college and I thought the abuse would stop. But when Christmas break arrived and Bob came home, he picked up right where he'd left off. At this point, buy PONSTEL without prescription, my body was reacting to what he would do to me and while my nerve endings sent the message, Low dose PONSTEL, "This feels good!" the rest of me was screaming, "Stop! I hate this!" I loathed myself for physically responding to something I mentally hated with every fiber of my being. BUY PONSTEL OVER THE COUNTER, I decided to tell my math teacher what was going on because I wanted the abuse to stop but I knew I couldn't tell my parents. I wrote him a series of letters telling him everything, and he obeyed the law and told the authorities, who then told my parents. At first, about PONSTEL, in the principal's office where they'd received the news, PONSTEL from canada, my parents made a show of concern and sympathy. I let down my guard, thinking that maybe it was going to be okay after all. Once we were in the car, though, cheap PONSTEL, my mom turned around in her seat and asked me why I had made up such a lie about my brother. When I insisted that I hadn't lied, PONSTEL without prescription, she reached out and slapped me. I sat in stunned silence until we got home, where my mom told me to go to my room and stay there. I ran up the stairs and almost collided with my sister. She had a panicked look on her face as she told me very quietly, "I am going to deal with this my own way. Don't tell mom and dad anything about me and Bob, buy PONSTEL online no prescription, okay?" I didn't want her to hate me, PONSTEL schedule, so I agreed to keep quiet.
My parents called my siblings into the kitchen to be interrogated and each denied knowing anything about the abuse. I don't understand why they chose to protect Bob rather than stand up for me. It's something I have never understood. When my mom called my brother, real brand PONSTEL online, Bob told her it had happened once. PONSTEL interactions, Apparently, my parents didn't have a problem with their oldest son molesting their youngest daughter if it was just one time. Interestingly enough, years later, buy PONSTEL online cod, Bob admitted to abusing me twice. Then four times. I don't have a total number of incidents, PONSTEL cost, but I would say he needs to add a couple zeroes behind that four to even begin approaching an accurate estimate.
Because my brother was 19 when I finally told, he was arrested on his college campus. My mom hated me for "deliberately trying to wreck Bob's life with my lies." She wrote a letter that she distributed to every faculty member at the junior high school I attended, saying that she knew they'd heard the accusation against my brother, but it wasn't true, BUY PONSTEL OVER THE COUNTER. She said I had lied for attention, but that she and my dad were going to get me help for my problem, order PONSTEL no prescription. I was given no sympathy, Taking PONSTEL, no compassion, no understanding. When I was subpoenaed to testify in front of a grand jury, where can i buy PONSTEL online, my mom told me that if I sent my brother to jail, PONSTEL for sale, I would be kicked out of the house. I tried to minimize what had happened, but the court already had my deposition and knew the truth. Bob was found guilty of sodomy (a Class A felony), and sentenced to 100 hours of community service and four years of probation, with the stipulation that his record could be expunged if he completed the terms of his sentence satisfactorily (too bad he couldn't erase the newspaper blurbs mentioning his arrest & conviction).
Through the years, I engaged in cutting myself as a means of making myself cry and while I was not promiscuous, I gave too much of myself too early into every relationship I entered. BUY PONSTEL OVER THE COUNTER, I was left out of family discussions because of my supposed inability to keep my mouth shut, but when I would retreat to my room to read, I was berated for being antisocial. In public, my mother tolerated me, but in private, I was loathsome to her.
In 2004, after spending years in therapy, I wrote my siblings identical letters, telling them that all I wanted from them was an admittance that they knew I did not lie about Bob sexually abusing me and a willingness to talk about that time of our lives for one afternoon so that I could ask my questions and hear their answers and hopefully get some closure. Each of them refused. One sister told me that I was never to bring up the subject via email, phone or snail mail again because it was not appropriate discussion material. The other told me that she thought it would be best if we had just a superficial relationship. And my twin brother told me that Bob was a great guy, one of his best friends, and that he remembered me seeking Bob out, "looking for it and wanting it," which was a blatant lie. I chose then to cut them all out of my life. I decided I was going to end the cycle of abuse by not exposing my children to my family's dysfunction. It was a decision I have never regretted. I stopped talking to my mom at the end of 2007 and have been happier since she has no way to hurt me anymore. My dad reconciled with me on my 19th birthday and we were able to develop a genuine friendship before he died in 1993.
I found Violence UnSilenced and realized this was a place where my voice could finally be heard. I don't feel the need to relive my past every day of my life, but I do believe that if I WANT to talk about it, I have every right to. It may not be "appropriate discussion material,” but I refuse to pretend it never happened just to make things "look good" (sorry, Mom). The truth often isn't pretty, but that doesn't mean it should be hidden away.
Kate blogs at Life With Special Needs Kids. Please keep all comments here where it's safe, rather than on her own blog.
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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
I am new to this web site, so please excuse the delay ( like a year ) your post has touched my soul. It so echoes a lot of what I experienced. My Dad ( I use the term loosely ) abused us 6 girls, all are in denial or have forgiven, whatever freaking term you use to defend. Mine is a long story, but I ultimately cut myself off from him, then he died and cut me from his will, I was not even named, the eldest child, he abused everyone of us girls but chose to cut me. It wasnt the money, it felt like I no longer had a family. It hurt like nothing before. But worst, my sisters refused to acknowledge he cut me out because I was the only one who refused to pretend our childhood was normal, apparrently it was because I never went to see him, we werent really abused, it wasnt how I remembered it, do you know this felt like being abused all over again, I feel like a little girl with no words to express what is happeneing to me, knowing no one will support me. One sister has gone so far as to send me abusive emails and messages defending the perfect Dad and saying therapy made me believe something that had never happened. I've tolerated 3 years of these messages and havent responded. I finally blocked my facebook page and changed my e address and things have somewhat improved. She even accussed my lovely husband of molesting my sisters, totally false as they all confirm, but they wont go so far as to tell her to stop. None of their business apparrently. None of their business she is spreading lies about them ? Funny old world !!
Kate I wish I had your courage, the courage to tell my sisters to go take a hike, but so far I cant, you see I was to all intents and purposes,I was their second Mum, the one they all came to for advice and support, they feel like my kids and I feel as if Ive let them down , because if I spoke up then I would have saved them. And Mums cant just stop being Mum can they ?
I applaud you Kate, you are braver then me, but Im working on it
It is with great sadness and relief that I read your story. I call what happened to me terrorrism. My brother also 5 years older terrorized me from my earliest memory. Sometimes I wish he had just hit me, it would have been easier to deal with I think. Although thankfully, there was no sexual abuse, I can still relate to your feelings of helplessness. My family would not then nor now deal with any of it. He committed suicide at 42, and I cant say i was sad. I'm dealing with that guilt now as I approach my own 42nd birthday with great apprehension.
He tried to push me off the roof once, and many times thought he was trying to kill me. He would take things out of my room and then replace them later. He poured 10 lbs of sugar all over my room and I got blamed for it. My mother never once doubted him. I was spanked, beaten, pushed, and told on a daily basis that I was garbage, that mother would never believe me because I was a botched abortion, a mistake. I still live with those feelings today and struggle with fighting them. My sister would play both sides of this and even explained sex to me... which in itself is sick at I think 5 y.o...... If i had any money, it was taken. Anything I showed an interest in or cared for was torn up, or i was put down for it.
I did coke, pot, alcohol, vicadin, you name it. I tried suicide myself 3 times, and failed. And when he shot himself (in the heart..... too vain to blow his head off) I was so angry. Angry because he is now forever the hero to my mother. Angry because I will never hear his admission. It tore the few shreds of our family (if you can call it that) apart. I got clean, and tried to start over.
I am married now. And have 2 wonderful stepchildren. Thankfully my wife is so understanding about this as she is the only person I completely opened up to about. She encouraged me to go online and find other people that have gone through this. I found your site as a result. Thank you so much for writing your story. And I am profoundly grateful and saddened by it.
To this day I am in awe of familys. I realized just last night that I have no idea how this family thing is supposed to work. After this many years I am amazed at how well brothers and sisters really do get along and really do love each other and support each other. I frequently ask my wife is this situation or that situation is "for real" and she just smiles at me and says yes.
My sister and I do not speak and I try not to speak to my mother at all if possible. She wont admit to anything.... even though hes gone and most times I don't care. I have a second chance with a family. I am lucky.
Thank you again.
I've had family members try to bury things before, but never anything that serious. I cannot believe they would defend your brother and leave you suffering beyond all reason, including tarnishing your reputation by telling everyone you were a liar. It's hard to make it on your own, without the support of your family. You have done well to cut the dysfunction from your life, and you should be proud.
Wow, Kate. Wow. You are so amazing and brave for sharing your story. I just wanted you to know that you've really helped me today. I was reading through the comments on my own post and you said in yours that you would share your own story.. and here it is. Thank you. Thank you for standing up and speaking out so courageously.
Kate, I'm so glad for you! Your ability to overcome the undermining influence of your "family of origin" speaks volumes about your strength and courage. Your daughter Megan's words of support also testify to your success in breaking free from your painful past. Bless you for sharing your story. I pray that through the sharing of these stories we're able to make the world a better place.
Thank you for every word you wrote, for the men and women who read this who will identify will have true hope knowing that you broke the cycle. You are unspeakably brave, and clearly very blessed with a wonderful, loving family of your own now.
I have only just found the strength to comment today. I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered at the hands of Bob, and for the further pain you experienced by your family's insistence on denial, betrayal, and lies rather than support and love and healing.
I'm glad you got away. Thank you for telling your story.
God, this was painful to read. I'm appalled by the ways that your birthfamily acted.
SO proud of you for speaking out, and detaching yourself from their sickness. Ick.
Thank you for sharing. What they did is inexcusable. They'll have a long sentence to serve on the other side, I'm convinced.
You've made a lot of brave decisions after enduring what you did. Bless you for all of them and especially for the person who will read your post and feel empowered to share their own story. Much peace and happiness to you. You deserve both in abundance.
Wow, you are such a strong person! I'm so sorry that you have such an atrocious family, no one deserves that. Love to you and your seven amazing children.
Kate - I am so sorry to hear of your story, but I applaud your courage, both at sharing it and dealing with your family.
I am in awe of your bravery to write this story. Your words are so eloquent about such an abomination. Your brother's cruel acts and belief that his actions had no consequence are obviously part of a destructive family pattern to hide the truth at any cost. You should be proud to have severed ties with people who have little regard for your psyche and trust.
Your parents failed you. As adults, your siblings have failed you. Your brother is a sick individual who should not be trusted with any children ever. I am heartened to know that you have surrounded yourself with people who lift you up rather than take advantage of the heartache your brother and mother have caused.
It is plain to see that you have done work to create your own healing space. By being the careful, loving parent that you are, you insure your children's safety as well as continued healing for yourself.
I hope you continue to find the peace and love that you deserve. I believe in karma and your mother, brothers, and sister should be the ones afraid of the darkness-- not you.
Your words inspire me to look at my own growing up. I know others will be touched as well.
Kate...you are so brave. I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you but I am so proud of you for making your voice heard. I hope that your story will help someone who is in a similar situation.
MUCH love to you!
Good for you for living your life without a family who wants to blame you for heinous treatment that clearly was not your fault.
You did the right thing! And, I have tears running down my face reading your story as my brother also molested me as a young girl and I never told anyone. I wanted to believe that it was my dad because growing up I hated my dad, and I did not want to believe it was my brother because I loved my brothers. I have recently told my story publically for the first time and it is hard. But, I believe it is necessary and I commend you for reaching out as it helps people like me deal with my own process of healing. Together we can all make a difference, raise our voices, tell our stories so others will see that this happens to people like you and like me and that it MUST STOP!! So, I just want to tell you that I support you and I hope others will join in and not stop talking and "stop the silence". Keep talking Kate, keep moving forward, keep reaching out!
Kate first of all GOOD FOR YOU! Standing up to the truth even at the risk of losing the ones you love. While I read this I thought to myself Kate has to read my books. You see I have walked in similar shoes as you except I don't have brothers but I did have a teenage cousin that used his force to silence my sister and I and molest us for over a year and a half. Unlike your parents, sisters/brother I got the support of my parents however my large extended family of over 40 people disowned me and supported the cousin who was arrested and confessed to doing this to my sister and I.
I went on to write two books "Stolen Innocence" and Living For Today" that was just released in stores this month. I suggest you pick both up as you will be able to relate in so many ways and will understand as I describe being disowned and threatened with lawsuits if I continue to speak out by family members what it is like to live a life of incest.
Good Luck to you and keep speaking out!
Kate, your courage is so admirable and inspiring. I am glad you have been able to come to a point in your life that you can have your voice and be supported.
People with courage and character always seem sinister to those without it.
I am sorry for all that you've been through with your family. You had mentioned some of this to me before, but not with much detail. I am glad you were strong enough to distance yourself from your family, as sad as it is to have to do so. You are such a strong, caring woman, and a fantastic, dedicated mother. I commend you for rising up above your circumstances.
Your story mirrors my own story. I made the same choice that you did to cut my family out of my life. I'm happy to say my daughters have never experienced what you and I considered "normal".
Blessings to you and much peace. The best revenge is living a good life. Seems to me, you are well on your way there.
Oh, Wonderful, Beautiful Kate~
What a brave thing to be able to write publically about your story; someday soon, I shall also. Although I did not experience the extent of sexual abuse from my brothers, there are so many things that ring true. I have never told anyone, except my husband. Thank you for sharing.
All I can say is, "That sucks and is so unfair!"
There, I have said it!
Thank you for taking a stand and cutting yourself off from your family...for your sake, for your children's sake...sometimes it just has to be done!
You are a beautiful person, Kate!
Kate, firstly, THANK YOU for being brave and telling your story. It is unbelievably courageous. You have no idea how many people you can help by sharing and letting them know that IT'S OKAY to talk about it, because that's where the healing process begins. Secondly, I sat reading this, with my fists clenched so tight that I have red marks in my palms where the nails dug in. I am INFURIATED that your innocence was taken from you and that your brother got away with it under everyone's noses. I am enraged that your siblings lied for that monster. That's what he is: a MONSTER. A predator who preyed on the innocence of a little girl. A disgusting pedophile. I am proud of you for keeping your kids away from an environment that is full of toxic lies. Their innocence is being protected, both emotionally as well as physically. I am no stranger to this kind of abuse, by a family member no less, so I can relate. My mother believed me, which I think made the difference for me. I also cut myself and felt like it was my fault, even though I was just a little girl. I have learned to move on from what happened to me, but because the sick bastard who hurt me was never punished, I have never forgiven him and go to great extremes to avoid him at family functions when I know he'll be present. You are an AMAZING and incredibly STRONG woman and I thank you again for sharing this. If your family happens to read this, they should feel ASHAMED and know that they committed the ultimate sin in denying the way an innocent little girl was robbed. If they think they won't be punished on Judgment Day, they have another thing coming. For your mother and siblings: I hope the guilt of your denial eats away at you every day. And for your brother: People like you have no guilt, no remorse. I hope the demons that caused you to prey on innocence eat away at you and prey on you.
I feel almost speechless, with tears in my eyes. First when I read your story, then when I read through all your comments (esp from your 2 oldest kiddos & your hubby). You are such an amazing, strong woman who I feel so lucky to "know!" Thank you for sharing your story b/c I know that you have made a difference in many people's lives today. You should not ever be silenced, & your brother (&family) should not excuse these HORRIFIC acts. I am sad to think that your sister is probably suffering on her own too b/c she chose to lie about the same thing. Your whole family is truly missing out on having you and your kids in their life. You are so brave, and I am so sorry this happened to you, but I know it has molded you into the amazing person and mother you are today!
I am so proud of you! Evil and so much evil...that is all that I can think of to say about your family. For the people who think that appearances are so important and that what your family "looks like" is everything I want to remind them that satan was the most beautiful of all of the angels. Looks are very deceiving.
Your family chose to try to look perfect and normal on the outside and all the while their very souls were and still are black,rotten and full of evil.
I truly with every fiber of my being believe that each one of them will have to answer for what they have done.
Bravo for taking a stand and fighting evil.
You deserve to be heard and to be believed! I can't even fathom what went on in your house growing up, but you are so brave and so strong to come forward with your story. You did the right thing telling someone, and it sounds like you did the right thing cutting ties with your family - as hard as that must have been.
Thank you for sharing, my heart goes out to you.
I am SO very proud of you for telling your story. You are definitely a brave woman who endured something NO ONE should ever have to endure.
I only wish I had half your bravery, spirit, and nerve.
Kate you are an awesome person for making it through it all. I am sorry that they all chose to ignore it all. I am glad that you have made it to where you are now and I hope that you finally get the chance to heal.
You are so brave to write what happened to you. I can't even imagine living through such heart aches! I'm so glad you shared. You are amazing and your children are blessed to have you. I'm blessed to know you.
You did it! I am so proud of you for stepping out and telling your truth. Your family are such fools to think that they can silence you!
I've heard you tell your story before, more than once, and I know that there is so much more to it than what you are telling here. Maybe someday you'll be able to tell it in its entireity.
What your brother, Bob, (and the rest of your family) did to you was despicable, especially the fact that they refuse to acknowledge it and seek your forgiveness (as Biblically and professing Christians they should do!). As Adam put it, "all things will be brought to the light".
I'm so glad to have been able to spend half of my life with you (20 years!). You are the strongest and bravest woman that I know. Your family is missing out on so much, not only you but their seven nieces, nephews or grandchildren. I want you to know that I support you 100% and beyond!
I know that you were very hurt by your parent's and sibling's actions (or inactions) well beyond the initial abuse. I pray that God would use your pain and recovery to give others the courage to speak out so they can be healed, too.
I love you, Kate.
Charley (your very proud of you hubby)
Shit. Kate. Shit. I had no idea. I'm so sorry. I knew you had some family problems but I had no idea that it went so deeply.
I'm so proud to know you, and I'm so proud of the steps you've taken and how far you've grown. You're my friend and I'm proud to say that. I'm just proud to know you.
RT @MaggieDammit: Running story early due to holiday. Please support today's #vu survivor: http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/
RT @MaggieDammit: Running story early due to holiday. Please support today's #vu survivor: http://violenceunsilenced.com/kate-2/
I cannot even fathom the depths of your pain. It breaks my heart. What an amazingly strong and brave woman you are! Woe to your family on judgement day (and I believe that they will all be held accountable for the hideous ways they have wronged you). I believe you have really taken what the devil meant for harm and turned it to something for good to the glory of God.
So proud to know you!
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No words can begin to express my empathy.
You are heard, you are not wrong, you are not a liar.
You are strong a brave and by doing what you need to take care of yourself and your family, you are amazing and an inspiration.
Thank you for sharing with us. Know you are not alone.
Kate, it took a lot of courage to post this. I'm so sorry you went through such horrible abuse and then such a horrible response.
Thank you for sharing.
First off I will say that I didn't read all of your story Kate.
However, what I did read did knock me off my feet. I think what your brother did was an inexcusable sin. And I believe that it was the best solution to distance yourself from your family.
You didn't deserve that. And it breaks my heart to know that your family, whom to our faces (ours being the kids) say that they love you and try to sugar coat everything about their relationship with you. And yet, behind your back, they talk crap about you and make up stories.
I find Bobs act to be the worst sin a brother can commit against his sister. And the only thing right now that gets me through this anger is knowing that he will stand before Christ one day in the judgment seat and pay for what he did to you.
2 Corinthians 5:10 - "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad."
I think that, aside from your brother, your mother sinned just as much. Your mother (and father) are supposed to protect you and to punish their children (your brother in this case) when he hurts a member of the family. And, they didn't. Instead, your mother, your own flesh and blood, went up AGAINST you, and claimed to the teacher, and police that you were lying. And you know, if that isn't a terrible sin I don't know what is.
I'm glad that you have nothing to do with your family Kate. They are poison to our family and Christian way of life. Christ says to love your enemies. Well, I pray right now they find God before it's too late.
But, moving on, I wouldn't trust them, nor would I let my children be a part of that family either. So, It's great that you distanced yourself from them. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 - "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness?" And I believe this verse speaks for this moment right here.
I'm glad and truly happy that you have distanced yourself from your family Kate. And, I'm happy that you shared your story with so many people out there who can give you encouragement through these hard times.
I know it will take time, and it won't be easy, but with Christ, your husband, and loving family. I know that you'll pull through this.
God bless you and your family Mom.
I love you and I'll talk to you later.
(P.S. Sorry to everyone who reads this for being redundant.)