Comments on: Kelly F

By: Jean

Jean — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 03:29:38 +0000

Kelly, you are so brave for speaking out. Thank you for sharing your story. Bruises heal, but words hit harder than a fist. The shame is unbearable, I know, but you will heal. Hugs and lots of love to you.

By: TigereyeSal

TigereyeSal — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:16:37 +0000

“…never be a bystander of abuse…”

Thank you for putting this out there. Thanks for sharing.

By: Mojo

Mojo — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 18:16:30 +0000

The emotional effects of abuse always have much more far-reaching impact than the physical ones. Unless the abuser actually kills the victim, the memories remain for life. And they can be triggered by any number of things. A woman I know flinches every time she hears a man’s voice raised. It doesn’t matter who the voice is directed at, it doesn’t even have to sound angry. She functions, and she’s pretty well adjusted — after a lot of work — but the reflex is still there.

Nobody here is going to blame you for not leaving or running for help or “doing something”. There’s nobody here that believes you were being a “drama queen” or that you “brought it on yourself”. We know. We believe. We’ve all seen it. Many of us have experienced it firsthand.

The bruises will heal. The broken bones will mend, and the scars will fade. The lasting damage — as you’re learning — is deeper inside where it’s not so easy to treat, and impossible to see for anybody but you. I’m certainly no expert in the field, but it seems to me that the first step is to be kind to yourself. Even if you don’t think you deserve it, even if nobody else will. If you have to be the only one, then be the only one. But be gentle with yourself.

You know, somewhere inside, you know that this wasn’t your fault. A man beat you and choked you and belittled you and treated you as “less than”. And there’s no reality, no reason, no excuse that makes that okay. Even if if you had done something knowing it would trigger this reaction, him hitting you is not okay.

I hope you’ll take the comments here and keep them close to you. I hope they bring you comfort. I hope they give you strength when you need it most, on those days when you forget, or you’re not sure anymore.

Most of all, I thank you for taking the step of telling your story here. I hope it’s given you some measure of comfort. I know it’s given someone else somewhere a measure of hope.

Much love.

By: LisaB (LadyWanderlust)

LisaB (LadyWanderlust) — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 04:51:27 +0000

Peace, love, and healing. Keep moving forward and become the beautiful creature that God created when he made you.

By: Corinne

Corinne — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 00:03:34 +0000

Thank you for sharing, for hopefully helping someone else to stand up and walk away. Praying that you find peace soon.

By: Erika

Erika — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:25:41 +0000

Kelly — Thank you so much for sharing your story, especially for shining a light on the isolation and shame that comes with being abused. Quite simply, everything he ever said, everything he ever did to hurt you — he was wrong. You survived — YOU survived — because you are strong, because you deserve peace and safety and love — and you shall have all of these things.

By: Tatiana

Tatiana — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 22:55:37 +0000

Kelly, I so understand you about the shame. It’s incredibly difficult to deal with, and I think it’s the aspect of my own abusive relationship that I’m still struggling with.

Peace and love to you. You are worth more than he ever knew.

By: Kori

Kori — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 21:52:44 +0000

I am fully in support of Kelly, but some of these commenters…it is no one’s fault, EVER, other than the abusers. Should we ALL step up and do something when we SEE abuse? Of course we should, absolutely. However, those who didn’t can’t be blamed. And speaking from experience, most of the time when a family member or friend does try to interevene, to help, to support the woman, the abused person cuts off ties or changes the relationship, and only after she has been able to get to the point where she can leave, has reconnected with those who tried to help.

By: krista

krista — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 20:37:32 +0000

i wish you relief from the shame. it’s crippling, i know.
and the shame of those others who turn a blind eye because they don’t want to get involved.
their shame cripples as well. it hovers over their heads and clouds their judgment.
keep working on you.
you’ve done a good thing, speaking out.
taken away some of the shame’s power over you.
keep shedding it. its not yours.

By: Javier Mendoza

Javier Mendoza — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 19:10:37 +0000

I am so proud of you to have the courage to write this and I am happy that you have used your story to help others!