Somewhat anonymous
Post author information from here on out will appear at the bottom of the post rather than the top to further protect survivors (as Feed Readers pick up only the first few lines but hide the rest.)
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My story is not horrific, it’s not a terribly long story, but it’s my story nonetheless.
I am in hiding right now… staying in an undisclosed place, and I fear for my life.
On 1/28/09, my husband of two and a half years punched me in the chest and then threatened my life. I wasn’t sure I would make it out of the house alive. He had taken my keys and told me I wasn’t leaving. “Let’s end this right now” was the last thing I remember him screaming at me before he threw my keys at me and I was able to get away.
He was angry; angry at me, angry at my son, angry at himself. I was the easiest target. After I left the house, he had the locks changed. I have only been back once to get a few things. He is holding my things and my two sons’ things hostage. It’s how he works… he slowly sucked me in, taking control of all of the finances, canceling all my credit cards when we got married, and I handed over my paycheck and child support every month.
When I walked out the door he said, “You and your sons are FUCKED” because he thought that I couldn’t survive without him. The pain in my chest lasted a week and focusing on the pain enabled me to look forward and not look back.
I will not be a hostage to him because I have no money. I make enough to live… I have a college degree and I have one year left of law school. If I can pay my tuition, graduate and pass the bar, I will be able to help others like me. Even knowing my story, attorneys wanted money up front to help me… the one with no money, no place to live, locked out of my own house and kept from my belongings.
I will not become one of them.
As for others, there are people out there with hearts of gold, people who give everything they can to help because I won’t be one of those women who go back. I can’t go back. I refuse to go back. I don’t want to disappoint them. I know if I go back, he will kill me. I want to live.
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Today’s survivor blogs here. Please leave comments for her here rather than on her blog, which is monitored by her abuser.
45 Responses to “Somewhat anonymous”
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Thank you for sharing and being brave enough to NOT go back. You are an inspiration. Best of luck finishing law school!
Good for you for taking only one punch and turning it into the strength to walk out. You’re smart like that.
All the best to you as you move toward the rest of your life.
So glad that you have been brave enough to not only walk away, but to stay away. Bravo for standing your ground. I know it’s not easy and that much has been taken from you but you really did escape with the most valuable things of all: your life and the lives of your children. (and, the knowledge that you deserve better, even without your belongings.)
Thoughts and prayers for your and your family. Good luck in school. Find a way to finish. It will be worth every sacrifice.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can hear the strength in your words. I truly believe you won’t go back…and that you will make a difference in the lives of others.
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope everything works out for the best, and I hope he stays away!
THIS will be one of the toughest times of your life!
Obtaining and education and passing the bar? Peanuts in comparison!
This: “I will not become one of them.” impressed me beyond words.
Stay strong.
Keep loving life.
The rest will fall into place!
You go!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you, but you sound like you a person who’s force of will and strength of character will get you through this and then turn it into an asset later. You will be an amazing lawyer and can be a champion for women that have suffered in abusive situations. I wish you all the best!!
Thank you for sharing your story. My thoughts are with you.
You do have the strength to keep going — to keep walking away from your old, abusive life and into the new one where your self-worth, rewards for your talent and your happiness await. And you already are an inspiration.
thanks for sharing your story, very brave of you I wish you the best and am thankful you got out alive. Goodluck in your schooling and don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do it, you can God Bless
I am so proud of you. I read some of your blog too, and you are an amazing person. You are going to do great things.
i had a lawyer with your ideals… in years of court proceedings, she charged me less than 4k.
she remains in my prayers, as you do…
good for you for getting your kids out of that situation…you seem incredibly brave and strong. good luck with finishing school and going on to help others…there are many who need the support of a kind professional.
Don’t think for a moment that your story isn’t “horrific” simply because you didn’t end up in the hospital or the graveyard. And while it may not be long in words, it was 2 1/2 years in the making. Two and a half years of eroding your will, your independence, your self esteem. Two and a half years of manipulation and lies. The only difference between your story and most is that you got out sooner.
And that makes your story as important as any that has — or will — appear here. Because it underscores the central point in bright red, broad-tipped permanent marker. It proves conclusively that You are not alone, and you don’t have to live this way.. And that is exactly the message every victim needs to hear in my opinion.
The work you do after law school will make a difference once you’ve graduated and passed the bar and an legally do it. Your story, on the other hand, makes a difference right now. So thank you for telling it, for having that courage. Because someone is going to read this and find their own will, their own courage and the ability to walk away.
I read your blog. I was shocked and sad and pissed when I read about this then, and I am reliving those emotions for you now. I’m so sorry. So sorry.
Still, I am so glad you and your sons got away. Your story makes a difference, just as you will make a difference as an attorney helping other women escape abusers.
You haven’t let him silence you. You are taking your power back, one word at a time.
Good for you for walking out that door and not only preserving yourself, but it’s clear you are making a life statement to your sons. I don’t even know you and I’m so very proud. Best of luck with school – I’m sure you will help others.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
You are a hero. My prayers are with you.
Good for you for getting the heck out of dodge. You are strong and you will make it. And your sons will learn from you that it’s not OK to abuse others. You are an inspiration to them and to the many women out there who are working up the courage to leave.
Your story is truly inspirational in that your ultimate goal is to help others in similar situations! I wish you all the best. You are so brave, so strong!!!
My thoughts are with you, thank you for having the strength to speak out, even while everything is still going on. If you need help finding resources: emmalee.douglas@gmail.com
I read through many of the posts on your blog, at least going back to pre-punch days. I really liked your 3/15 post.
I’m so proud of you for your willingness to walk away from what was clearly a bad situation with the promise of “worse.” From Victim to Victor. I’m sorry you went through it, but glad you’re brave enough to be a good example for other women.
Bless you!
I am so impressed by your courage and strength to walk away and stay away, all while your things are being held hostage. If you need any ‘stuff’ until you get your own back (if you ever do), please email me, silvia1013@hotmail.com
You are very brave. I commend you for leaving. Get your degree and live your life to the fullest.
You got away! You showed your sons how NOT to treat a woman/child or anyone. You don’t have to go back. Of course you wont go back. You can survive without him. HELL YOU WILL LIVE and then you will help others.
Rock on Sister!!!!
thank you for speaking up
Your bravery and steadfast determination to stop the cycle is amazing!
Reading this story was like looking in a mirror. My story is so much like yours it is scary. But like you, I won’t ever go back. I’m smart enough and strong enough to make it on my own with my two boys. It’s two months and my things are still being held hostage too, material things can be replaced—we can’t be replaced.
Thank you for sharing your story.
thank you for sharing your story. i am amazed and empowered by your conviction to leave after one punch – i think that even by only reading this, i can tell you are a strong and courageous person even if you don’t always feel that way. what a great example to set for your sons. i wish you a life devoid of violence, a life which you have already begun to create for yourself.
Thank you so much for sharing with us.
You are such a brave, strong woman. I admire you so much.
You are so brave.
Your refusal to return is, as you imagine, not just for you and for your children, but for all of us, and especially for those who cannot get out. It’s so big.
Stand tall. You’re on your way.
the first thing I uttered when I got to the bottom of your post was “oh fuck!” because it shocked me that he reads your blog and that we need to comment here only. Oh I know about having to keep things on the down low in your circumstance, it just took me by surprise to see it in writing I suppose…
Even in the midst of your surviving and chaos, you’re reaching out to other to help them…that is a courageous and compassionate thing to do (even if it doesn’t feel that way). Be safe…you and your two sons are in my prayers.
Lil
Courage is beautiful girl! Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you the best for law school because victims will need someone like you on their side!
I want to say Amen to everything Mojo said above. Mojo, your posts always show the kind heart I have grown to admire since meeting you in cyberland.
I am so proud of you for taking you and your sons out of this abusive situation. I know how hard this is as my mother and I experienced it as well. God bless you, and keep you all safe and strong.
I hope you have some way of making sure your child support for y our sons get away from him also. Maybe someone could arrange an protective location for it to be sent.
You saved yourself. Way to go. Wish there were some way I could support you in the here and now besides just a comment here. You’re not alone, and thank you for sharing your story.
I admire your strength.
Your resolve.
Your compassion for others who share the same plight.
I have no doubt your story will have a lasting impact.
It already has.
Take care.
OH! Good for you!! What a great story to share! It’s so full of inspiration.
I am so happy to hear that you were brave enough to leave such a horrific situation. And yes, it is horrific. You shouldn’t downplay your bravery or your story. Stand tall and stand proud!!
Thank you for sharing your story. You have tremendous strength. Your children are so lucky to have you.
I’m so glad that you left and that you won’t go back. This next year will be difficult, but you will make it through. I can hear the strength in your words.
Sending good thoughts.
Good for you! You are strong and brave and amazing and you will do this, without him.
Girl, you are crazystrong. You WILL make it. Thank you for sharing your story.
I don’t know if you are aware of this, but linking to the blogs of those who share their stories could be potentially dangerous. If the abuser is savvy enough, s/he can check who links to her blog – and find the post here (yikes!).
I am praying for you and wishing the very best for you with all my might.
It’s a while since you posted this and I am very late leaving this comment, but I still want to encourage you to be brave, keep yourself and those boys safe. I hope all is going well for you and that you are coping with the trauma of all you have been through. I wish you every good thing possible for your future.
Eaton.
I am praying for you. May God help you through this. You will make it & he will be punished.