Marissa, I am so sorry for the pain and neglect. Wish I could have been more help then, I hope to be more help now. I love you and admire you. You are a beautiful woman with a great sense of humor. You have a great husband, and a son who is very smart and talented. What blessings life is with them. I pray for God to protect you from the evil and bless you with the good. Remember call me anytime you need to talk, I am not to busy. I am here for you, just reach out. Love always, your big sis, Becky

Marissa,
Those ‘blocked’ memories that surface might need to continue to surface. A good psychiatrist suggested that I let go, notice the memories, and then let them almost float away. The more we try NOT to remember the past, the more tense our present life becomes. I join the others in hoping that you'll take the necessary steps to avoid your brother. I tried to keep the peace, and I think you'll heal more quickly if you can avoid him. You're brave to share your story!
Jan

Such an awful situation, that you have to continue to see him. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope that you find peace - without him in your life.

Cheering you on for taking back control. We are here, we are listening, we are rooting for you.

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find peace.

I am with everyone else here - get away from him. "Forgive and forget" is a beautiful sentiment, unless you're putting your health and sanity on the line to "keep the peace" for everyone else. He's had too much control of you for too long. He is only a human, and he is a human you can choose not to be around.

Personal protection order is good - and so is the rest of your family standing firmly on your side. I don't know if your other brothers know, but please talk to them. Having people on your side will go a long way in helping you feel strong and protected from him. Thanks for sharing, and please don't doubt yourself - you are strong and capable.

It can be hard to forgive and hard to let go of the fear. But you are probably right not to let your guard down. Thank you for sharing and keep fighting.

Thank you for sharing your story, you have been through so much with no support from your family. I think you are amazingly brave and strong and hope you continue to be for your own little family. I wish you peace and happiness on your journey of healing xo

Marissa,
Isn't it amazing you yo can know something and yet not know it; or have bits of memory that make no sense so you dismiss it completely. I guess they say our minds remember in bits and peices as we grow strong enough to handle the truth. Thank You for sharing your story!
Jenny

I see much of the same feelings you describe here in my husband. His determination to move on from things on his own, to take back his life, without confronting the parties responsible. It IS your life, and you know what, you have a right to make that choice. But please take it from someone who knows - you need to remove yourself. Not just mentally, not just emotionally, but physically. Your mother failed you, and she will have to answer for that when she meets her Maker. Your brother exploited you, and if he never has to answer to you for it he will still have God to answer to. But whether or not you ever choose to confront him, you will have to separate yourself from him in order to heal. Please believe me. I don't want to criticize you; I cry as I type because you are probably looking at these words the same way my husband looks at me when we talk about his mother. And because I have had to accept that he isn't going to confront her, I am going to do whatever it takes to separate them for a while. I have no other choice. I can bully him into breaking contact with her until he finds himself, or I can lose him. I wish I didn't have to make that choice. Please don't continue to let your brother's actions hurt your loved ones through you. Because I can promise you that they do. He doesn't deserve a relationship with you. HE DOESN'T DESERVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU. Thankyou for being so strong already. People like you are the salt of this earth.

Hi, it's Marissa. I was afraid to post this but am so glad I did. Your comments have uplifted me, made me feel like someone out there understands my pain even is my mom couldn't and still cannot.

I just had a major conflict happen with my brother. I was at mom's house helping her get ready for my nephew's graduation party (my other brother's son - I do have 5 brothers!) and Jim, the person who hurt me (who the post is about) was there. I tried everything in my power to stay out of the kitchen away from him because I know - I know he likes to corner me and start his verbal bull. Well he says to me (this is so out of the blue!! It's now apparent he is so messed up in drugs!) "You know I never molested you, it was Dan" (Dan is my other brother). I about choked. Here he has admitted this forever and out of the blue he says this. I said politely "Jim, I don't want to talk about this today - not on Shane's graduation party" and then it was verbal abuse spewing. I stood my ground. My niece and daughter rushed into the kitchen from my mom's bedroom and my niece yelled "Jim you are not doing this today!" and he then spit on me, pushed me against the refrigerator and said he would drag me outside by the hair and punch me twice. I freaked, I spit back I pushed him against the stove. I then hid in my mom's room. Not because I was scared of him, because I wanted to protect my neice, her daughter and my mom from this explosion. My brother Bernie came to my rescue and said he needed to respect me and apologize to us or he was not welcome at the party. He threw a punch at Bernie and Bernie put him in a headlock and them Jim yells 'I'm victim and dials 9-1-1" and tells bernie and I that we are going to jail. We go to party, Jim shows up and Bernie calls 9-1-1 and police show up and Jim is removed. He told me to get a personal protection order so that Jim cannot be at my mom's when I'm there.

I am so sorry you had to go through this and there was no one there to protect you.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sorry this happened to you. I am hoping for peace for you.

RT @007ann: Violence un-silenced-Marissa: http://tinyurl.com/2c8gqd9 #DV ^k^

Violence un-silenced-Marissa: http://tinyurl.com/2c8gqd9 #DV ^k^

Marissa : Violence UnSilenced http://ff.im/-q9MtH

Though my abuser wasn't a brother, I do understand. I understand why you felt the way you did about breastfeeding. I understand how hard it can be to have that person still in your life. And I understand how hard it is to take back control and not let IT control you. But it can be done, and you are doing it. One step at a time. Your courage and strength shows in your words... and he can never have power over that. Ever.

So courageous of you to come forward- please keep on this pathway to healing.

Please consider seeking the help of a counsellor to help you continue to heal from the damage that your brother did (and continues to do) to you.

I am so very sorry you had to go through what you did. It was never your fault. I'm so glad that you are moving beyond it.

The reasons for seeing your brother:
He is at every other family function.
You care for your mother together.
Other people will choose his side because of his great personality.
You don't want to hurt people with the past.
Etc.......
I understand, and have made the same choices. I am 41 and it never leaves my head. Watch out for your mother as she ages. Watch out for your son. Know that someone out here loves you just because you had the courage to tell this. My heart wells with love for you, honey.

Marissa, my heart goes out to you. But I also champion your strength and your determination to take *back* control.

Thank you for sharing here. I wish you great peace.

PLS Support: Marissa http://bit.ly/d8VDun

I am so, so sorry that you have lived with this for so long. Echoing the comments before me, you need not feel guilty for cutting all ties with him. His presence is toxic and you need to be free from that for you AND for your son. Sending you hugs. I know how hard the situation is that you're dealing with...

I am so sorry for what happened, the pain that continues.
Like others have said, just because he is family does not mean you have to keep in contact. Toxic family members - regardless of the type of interaction - do not need to be in your life. And your brother is very toxic. I'm so so sorry.
Hugs to you - and thank you for sharing your story.

Just want you to know... I hear you. I hear you loud and clear. I almost didn't read your post because it hit so darn close to home for me.. But I did. And I'm glad I did. You did a good thing speaking up. I'm sorry for what happened to you and that your mother was so clearly in denial herself and did nothing to help you. I will tell you, from experience, that even if you put great physical distance between you and your brother, he will still haunt you. I have not seen or spoken to mine for nearly 4 years now and not a day passes that he is not in my head.

Peace and strength be with you, my friend. You are amazing and strong, keep standing up for yourself. *hugs*

I agree with Amy...I would get/keep this asshole out of your life. I would also try to begin some counseling/therapy. A neutral, qualified, experienced third party who can listen to you and help you would be beneficial.

like the people ahead of me have said, it's okay not to have any contact with him. It does NOT make you the bad guy. Just because he's family, doesn't mean you have any obligation to deal with him WHATSOEVER.

Marissa, I am so sorry this happened to you. I molested my younger sister when I was 9 and she was 5. It happened once or twice and never again. We never spoke about it. However, I still carry the shame of it -- even after telling her that I remember it and that I am so sorry I did that to her. She forgave me and said she remembers it and that she participated in it. Needless to say we both grew up highly sexualized as children. However, I knew better then -- and now -- and told her that she wasn't able to "participate" in something she didn't understand.

I'm telling you this because I see my sister in you. She and I have a wonderful relationship now, but I think it's because she sees how truly, deep in my soul, sorry I am for what I did to her. Your brother has no such feelings of regret and remorse.

We have an older sister who is like your brother. She is no longer part of our lives despite relatives and friends who constantly push her in our faces. The difference is, we know that our relationship with her is not healthy. It's not wrong to walk away from someone who hurts you. Our sister is a sociopath -- as is your brother.

You are strong enough and powerful enough and smart enough. Leave him in your past and create a better life for yourself and your children. My heart is with you.

Thank you for sharing your story Marissa. I am so sorry that your family didn't protect you from this pain.

Marissa, I must echo Amy’s thoughts. Your brother is a toxic person in your family, and I cannot encourage you enough to protect you and your son from your brother by remaining as far away from him as you possibly can. And if he touches you again, prosecute! Have you discussed any of this with your husband? What does he say?

I know first-hand the feelings when your family fails to protect you from your abuser. It is a difficult pill to swallow. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to work through the associated emotions and emerge healed on the other side. Please consider getting outside help to deal with this situation.

Thank you for sharing your story here.

Sweetie, has anyone ever told you that you don't have to have contact with him? I don't care if he is your brother... He hurt you over and over and over. He continues to hurt you. Seeing him hurt you hurts your son.

Get this person out of your life, permanently. And if he dares to touch you again, call the police and file charges.

You don't have to have contact with him anymore. You don't ever have to see him or speak to him again.

I am so sorry for what happened to you, and I am so sorry that your mother didn't protect you.