Megan
Here is my story. I would like to finally let people know, to have a voice. To let my family know.
I found this site today. I bravely clicked on it. I read story after story. Reading their stories, but seeing mine in them.
There are things buried deep inside me. That no one knows.
I fell deeply in love with a boy. It was so intense, so perfect. Until that day…
I don’t remember the first time. I do remember running down my parents’ stairs when I should’ve been at school. Oh how I wish I was at school. I was running from him. He caught me, as he always did. Pulled me back upstairs. Bottles were being thrown at me. I was lifted up in the air by my neck. It got black. I was thrown on the bed and punched in my legs repeatdly. I told him I loved him.
We were in my car at Barnes & Nobles. Arguing. He put his hands around my neck. I couldn’t breathe. I honked the horn. He let go, ran away…. I followed. My guardian angel was there that day. He called the police. That was the day I could no longer lie. That was the day he went to jail. It was over, or so I thought….
I wrote him in jail, I took his calls…. I visited him. I needed him so bad. I was 17.
It wasn’t long before I needed another man’s approval. Another man to love me. I went from man to man… being used, being sexually abused. Thinking, knowing, that I deserved it.
One night I was date raped. I woke up with a man inside of me. Hurting me. Only to finish and let another man do the same. My parents “know” about this. I made it seem like it wasn’t that bad. I dropped the charges. The kids at school were talking… I was a “slut.” It was my fault.
These secrets are so deep inside of me. No one knows. They have became a part of me. They have made me who I am. They have made me flinch from a man’s touch. A man who I trust. Who I married. Who thinks I don’t love him because I don’t want to have sex sometimes.
These secrets, I have made myself believe I wanted them. That I said yes. But the truth always comes up. I didn’t. I said no. But I push that truth down, deep down inside of me, and replace it with lies. Lies that sometimes I almost believe.
I have two daughters, two beautiful daughters. I am scared shitless. This world I brought them into isn’t so kind. I want to raise strong daughters. Strong women. To raise girls that know what they are worth. To know they don’t need to have a man to make them whole. But how can I do that if I’m still trying to figure that out myself?
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Megan writes at Our House of Pink.
Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Comments
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your strength.
Megan, your first step to freedom was telling your story. This will EMPOWER YOU & your children....Keep telling your story. You are amazing. You are beautiful and powerful beyond belief.
Love love love,
Kim
Megan http://dlvr.it/KG8z5
Your story reminds me of the phrase, "Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger." You are one VERY strong woman and you have earned every iota of your strength. When we first write here, we may feel weak but I believe the truth is that it takes considerable strength to get to the point where we can write here. And now you have, proving your strength.
You know what? There's even better news - and that's that once we take that first strong step, every one after it is even stronger. Once the secret is out, it begins to lose its power over us and we get stronger because it's hold on us gets weaker.
May every day and every step continue to bring you strength.
Thank you for sharing this.... I think your bravery here, your openness, and your willingness to confront your past speaks volumes of your courage and strength. Your daughters are blessed to have you as a guide on their path to strength.
How brave you are to share your story! I'm so deeply touched by your courage. You are doing an amazing thing for yourself, your family and for others who will read your story. I have always belived that I was a sick as my secrets! Thank you.
Megan, you didn't ask for this. You don't deserve it. You are not at fault.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Megan, YOu'll figure it out, for your daughters. Because you CAN...really you can and because deep down you know you are good. YOu just have to figure out how to remember that every day. Although it is something we all need to remember. NO matter who we are. Blessings to you....
You are so much stronger than you think. You will be a fierce and strong example for your daughters because you are not a victim anymore. You are a survivor. You are here speaking out so they won't have to one day. They'll learn what it is to be whole even better because they will see you pushing so hard to figure out what that means.
There are some wonderful counselors out there. I encourage you to find one. There is no shame in having been a victim. It was not your fault. The shame is theirs and sites like this push them to bear it.
oh megan, i ache for you. and i ache with you.
you have spoken out. and right now, since this is new and fresh, it may take some time for it to sink in now truly ENORMOUS and STRONG that is to do.
once my story went out on this site (THANK GOD FOR THIS SITE), i was embraced... and in time learned to embrace myself and my own survivorship.
that will be my wish for you today.
thank you for sharing.
Megan, you are 100% not guilty for being raped. Your rapist is 100% guilty for raping you. You are 100% not guilty for being pushed, shoved, slapped around, hit, or beaten. Your abuser(s) is 100% guilty for abusing you. I congratulate you for finding your voice, for speaking out and sharing your story. It is an important step in the healing process. I strongly encourage you to find a good counselor who can help you recover from the events of your life, help you and your husband learn to deal with how these events affect your marriage, and help you raise the strong women you want your daughters to become. Thank you for sharing your story.
what you did here today was very brave and an excellent example to your daughters. You have shared your pain, your shame and that is not easy to do. What comes of that is knowing that people like me, salute you and are proud of you.
I'll leave the good advice in the hands of those more eloquent than I am, and instead just thank you for being brave enough to speak up. *hugs*
I have found out that you CAN be struggling to be strong yourself, but still find a way to be a strong advocate for your children. And in time, I managed to listen to my friends who told me things weren't right... and start being strong myself.
You're stronger than you think. Keep telling yourself that, and in time you will learn to believe it.
Keep up the support RT @MaggieDammit: Please support @churchpunkmom today: http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
I shared my story today. http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
RT @MaggieDammit: Please support @churchpunkmom today: http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
RT @MaggieDammit: ... and don't forget to support @churchpunkmom. http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
RT @MaggieDammit: ... and don't forget to support @churchpunkmom. http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
... and don't forget to support @churchpunkmom. http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
RT @numbnuggets: RT @MaggieDammit: Please support @churchpunkmom today: http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
RT @MaggieDammit: Please support @churchpunkmom today: http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
RT @MaggieDammit Please support @churchpunkmom today: http://violenceunsilenced.com/megan/
My favorite quote is: You never know how strong you truly are, until being strong is the only option you have left.
I see this in you. Thank you for having the courage to share your story. That takes a lot to do as most can attest.
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