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She didn't die.
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Only then he was, because he always was. He dragged me up the stairs by my hair at a bar because he thought I was probably fucking someone in the bathroom, BUY EPIVIR OVER THE COUNTER. He yanked the steering wheel when I was driving till I slammed on the breaks and tried to force me to snort coke out his hand; when I wouldn't, EPIVIR natural, he tried to push my head through the side window. EPIVIR street price, He picked me up and threw me down on my mother's living room floor and put his foot on my neck because I didn't want to have sex. He called me a whore and a bad mother and said he was the best thing that would ever happen to me.
I believed him, no prescription EPIVIR online. I just got angry that he said and did those things in front of my son; he was only four.
BUY EPIVIR OVER THE COUNTER, I finally left him for good when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I know he would have killed me. I know it would have killed my son's spirit if I didn't save him and my baby and myself.
Fast forward seven years: We are free. We are safe. My daughter has never had to watch anyone hurt her mom; my son is fiercely protective of girls. My husband knows where I have been and he praises the strength it took to get out, BUY EPIVIR OVER THE COUNTER. He understands my need to dissect my past and is patient when it spills over onto my present. My mother doesn't talk about it; I do. Someday maybe she, too, can wear her scars like badges and be proud that she survived the war.
Mrs. Mess blogs at This Blessed Mess.
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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
I love you. Even though I don't know you. Thank you for sharing your story; it came at a very important time for me. Thank you, and thank you again. You have given me tremendous hope.
you are amazing. I am glad you found someone who is there for you - who lets you talk and who doesn't make it seem like something insignificant. thank you for sharing your story.
i call my battle scars my tree rings of life.
i wear them proudly, because they are important... they are me.
i am glad you are strong and survived and know how to not pass it down.
Your story reminds me of the strength we all have deep inside. You are a survivor. You are very strong. I'm so thankful you have been blessed with a great husband now. Thank you for being so brave to share your story. I didn't grow up knowing that any of things happened in the real world - I thought these were the tales of TV movies or novels. Sharing your story will help myself and others know what is really happening to others. Knowing will help us to stop this. I pray that your children will grow up and never encounter violence in their relationships. And then your grandchildren will be, just like me, thinking these things only happen in movies. Many blessings to you and your family and thank you again for sharing.
That was so vivid and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an amazing woman. Only by talking about these things can we stop the cycle. God bless you and your children.
I could tell, from the start of your writing, that you are safe now. There is such power, such presence, such self in it. Amazing--you are amazing.
Thank you for your courage and for demonstrating that women who have been raised in, lived, and breathed domestic violence can..and do...emerge. Another cycle broken.
Thank you for sharing your story & making sure that your daughter won't just wipe off the knees of her jeans and carry on like nothing happened.
Thanks for sharing. You have overcome so much and should be very proud of yourself for doing so, and for writing this to help others.
Good for you - you got out, you broke that horrible cycle and you stood up for yourself and your children.
This was beautifully written and heart wrenching. I am so glad that you broke the cycle for you and your kids. Bravo!
wear her scars like badges and be proud that she survived the war
This is fantastic writing. I love this spirit- you go girl.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm praising God that you had the strength and courage to do what was right and to break the cycle. It hurts to know that people are capable of this much hatred - for themself and for others (these men MUST hate and feel contempt for themselves!) but I rejoice in the knowledge that people like you can claim victory for yourself. You are a shining example of a spirit to be admired. Bless you.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. It's so good to know that you got out and have made a safe, happy life for you and your kids.
Please support today's brave survivor, @MrsMessiness : http://violenceunsilenced.com/mrs-mess/ (via @MaggieDammit)
Please support today's brave survivor, @MrsMessiness : http://violenceunsilenced.com/mrs-mess/
I don't even know what I want to say; I just know I want to say something to you because your story has made me realize that YES my ex-husband DID abuse me even though he never actually hit me. I have waited a long time to hear someone say what I was thinking and feeling. Thank you for that. Thank you for being strong enough to share your story; and thank you for the help that you are giving others by sharing your story.
And to Bob... after reading your comment,I had to stop and read your story before I could comment. You are the exact example I needed to prove that there really are good men out there. Because of things in my childhood and early adulthood, I don't trust easily, and don't trust men at all. I am trying very hard to deal with that and reminding myself that not all men are evil. So thank you; thank you for showing me that I am wrong and all men are not evil. And thank you for being strong and sharing your story.
"I couldn’t leave this man.
my son was little and needed a father-figure...
no one else would want me...
if I fucked this one up -- what then?...
I was damaged goods...
I had 'baggage'...
If I could just keep him sober... He was an okay guy, sober...
he never ever hit me with his fist...
at least he was not really 'abusive'...
He said he was the best thing that would ever happen to me...
I believed him."
You just described what I was talking to a friend about only this morning. The thick, suffocating wall of silence, of humiliation, of fear and shame...
It's easy for those of us on the outside to counter every one of these arguments. It's easy to analyze it, easy to see what's happening. We have a basis for comparison. You didn't. Your model of "normal" had always been this way. And abusers are very, very good at convincing you that you can't do better.
The friend I spoke of has a 16-year-old son who likes a certain girl. She likes him too, but the problem is she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend she doesn't like very much. A boyfriend who's flat out told her he doesn't care much about her either; but he won't lose her to another guy. I wish she could read this story, and I'm hoping that my friend will see it and pass it on to her. Because we both agree that she needs to get as far away from this guy as she can, as fast as she can.
Easy for us to say.
But if I can get this story -- and so many others like it in her hands somehow it could make all the difference. And I hope that while you're dissecting your past, you'll consider just what a difference you've made here. Because wherever you are, there's a young girl here in North Carolina living your history. And if she can see how the story ends, mayeb she won't have to live through all of it.
And where there is one who's known, there are dozens or hundreds of others who remain trapped behind that wall. A wall that gets thicker and higher with each passing year, with each assault, with each degradation. If this girl can see that there's a way around it -- or through it -- before it becomes impenetrable there's hope she can escape before the prison swallows her up whole.
So for that girl and all the others who will come here, thank you for showing them the way; for showing them hope. Like you, they'll have to find their own way out. But because of you they'll know that there is a way out. It's cold comfort to know that all your suffering served some purpose, but even cold comfort is better than the abject misery you were living in, isn't it?
Thank you. I'm happy that you don't live that way anymore, happy that your children don't have to see it and perpetuate it. Happy that you've found someone who will treat you as you really deserve, not as he's convinced you you deserve. And may your future be as happy as your past was dark.
And on the subject of "baggage"? There's a saying in AA that "it takes every drink you ever take to get you sober". The same thing applies here. It takes every step -- and misstep -- you take along the way to bring you to the place you are. And where you are is far and away more important than how you got there.
It's quite something to think that the "hero" is really inside of you all along. My heart is with you today.
Bless you a thousand times over for having the courage to save your children. Sometimes it takes the fear of another victim to make you save yourself.
Oh, honey... I just want to hug you from here.
Like Nicole said above, when it's what you know, it becomes your "normal"... even when deep down you know it's not, that it shouldn't be that way.
I'm guessing it makes you uncomfortable to hear it, but you ARE strong, you ARE brave, and sharing your story here proves that. But you did it. You got up, got out, moved on, and now you're speaking out.
I'm so happy that you were able to find the one that does love you, that does respect you, that does believe in you.
So glad you have found someone you can trust. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for having the strength to break the cycle for your children.
Everyone deserves that "someone". Someone who loves them, cares for them, protects them and doesn't hit/abuse them. I'm so glad you found that someone.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Your story is a perfect example of why getting out is so very important and why the old line about those who forget history are condemned to repeat it. That's the part that so many people overlook or don't know. When you grow up under these circumstances, your view of "normal" is skewed. You don't think things should be "better" or "different" because you have only those dysfunctional markers to compare and contrast everything else against.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this but happy that you found the strength to not only endure but to triumph. Thank you for sharing and for caring enough to put yourself back into those troubled memories to do it. Your message is a great one for abused women with children. It's not just you that's being damaged by it. It sounds like you have found happiness and have made your peace with the past. Freeing, isn't it? :-)
So, that last comment was about me. Sorry. The main point, after all the rambling, was to thank you for inspiring me and reminding me I am doing the right thing.
I know the guts it takes to share and thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing so!
Oh my. I am so sorry. I am glad you are now with someone that treats you and your children with love and respect.
"I know it would have killed my son’s spirit if I didn’t save him and my baby and myself." --to me those are the most compelling words of your story.
That is what it has come down to for me: http://violenceunsilenced.com/bob/
Five years ago, when my oldest was about 9 years old, he begged me not to leave his momma or get a divorce. He wanted me to stay with him and his siblings. I promised him I would stay.
I kept my promise to my son, until I a) recognized it for what it was: abuse and b) began to see the consequences of the abuse in his and his siblings lives.
So, I sought out the man who is going to be our last counselor (change will happen, or it's divorce). I was asked to leave at the recommendation of the counselor. Divorce is pending the results of what happens now.
Thankfully, I have able to keep my promise to my son. But, I would have had to break it if I had not been asked to separate. I was drawing the line and that would have been a promise it would have cost too much for me to keep: cost in terms of the chaos and effects in the children's lives; cost in that it was literally slowly killing me to stay; cost in seeing the respect for me fade from my son's eyes as he began realizing I was allowing someone to treat me so horribly.
I drew the line and have anted up ...now we'll see if she can ante up and save this thing.
But, each day that goes by, I hear more and more of "You mean shit to me" in her voice, her actions, her non-actions.
So glad to hear of the peace and love you have found today. Your story helps me while I am in the middle of trying to deal with, or leave, my abuser.
Thank you for sharing!
One day, when it is safe, I will reveal my true identity.
I'm so glad that you are strong enough and brave enough to talk. I hope your mother can be someday too.
God bless you for getting out and getting yourself and your children to a safe place.
I'm so glad you are in a better place now, and I am really happy to know you. Thank you for telling your story. (ChiNurse)
What a well written, thoughtful and powerful story. It's horrible that you had to go thru any of that - any one thing might have broken a lesser woman. That you had the strength and will to finally escape and break the pattern speaks volumes about you. Congratulations that you found a wonderful man who treats you as you deserve. You are a true role model for women. Thank you for sharing your story. :)
Thank you for opening this wound again and sharing for all the other abuse-survivors that it's never easy, never perfect... but you CAN overcome it.
You're putting hope in hearts.