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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
I hope that the time from this posting until now has been filled with laughter and safety for you and your kids.humiliation and shame are double rings of fire we must thrust through to a better world. I am proud of you and your children for being brave enough to be free.
Wishing only joy and happiness for you!
I am so happy that you managed to get out of that situation. You are so strong and brave; never doubt that. Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm so glad you got out! Thank you for sharing your story with the world, who would otherwise continue in ignorance of what can happen behind closed doors. And by 'world', I mean me.
I cried as I read that, I'm just happy that you left....amazing how we hide it and amazing how we are the ones that are embarassed. Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best of luck in the world.
"Until that final incident, I hid all of this from everyone. From my friends, my family, my co-workers. No one had a clue. I was always perfectly dressed and made up, with a smile on my face and a joke for anyone that would listen. When I had to tell, I was mortified. That’s right — I was humiliated. Here I am, a smart, college educated woman who has spent most of her adult life raising two kids totally alone, and I let someone abuse and intimidate me for a year. I felt like such a loser."
This is me. Thank you for sharing your story. I sobbed as I read it. I've been separated from my emotionally abusive husband for a week and two days now and still no one really knows except for one friend. And Maggie. I feel stupid but my therapist is helping me process my feelings. Anger is the main one right now.
Oh lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you for angels like your daughter, who had the courage to tell you what SO MANY kids think in their heads as they see their moms get pounded. God bless you and your children. I pray that you remain safe, and that you find peace in this.
i'm sorry you have had to go through this.
i have lived a similar life and can totally related to hiding it, and being sooo totally humiliated when i finally had to tell people about it :(
good luck to you... stay safe!
You are an inspiration, for finding the strength and courage to leave, and to tell your story here. I hope and pray you can find peace and safety and start your life anew without living in fear. Bets of luck to you and your kids!
What a strong and brave woman you are..
It is so sad and twisted the way victims are the ones who end up feeling embarrassed and humiliated by abuse. To think that they are the ones enduring the mistreatment, only to end up feeling ashamed in the end..
I hope you are past that now, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of how strong and brave you were, not only for getting you and your children out.. but for sharing your story here and speaking out.
It's stories like yours that remind us that everyone has something going on that we don't always know...and so we should remember to be kind and loving to each other.
I thank God you're out, too. Your story is so familiar...
You're very brave. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that you are able to create a new and happy life for yourself and your children.
It goes to show that this can happen to anyone. I'm so glad that your friend was one of the ones smart enough & with enough self worth to be able to get out.
You are a very brave woman. I am so relieved to hear that you got out and that you are okay. A old coworker of mine has a story similar to yours. No one knew what was happening until she began showing up drunk to work as a coping mechanism. The last I heard from her, she was looking for her own place but, sadly, I don't know if she ever did. I can only hope that she finds this site and reads your story. Thank you for sharing this.
I am so glad that you have gotten yourself out of that relationship. I'm so sorry that you must continue to live in fear. You are very strong and courageous, and your strength will inspire.
Thank you for sharing your story.
RT @CaryRN: Please show today's survivor some support. Her situation is too dangerous to type her name here. http://tinyurl.com/d58g6s
Please go show today's survivor some support. Her situation is fresh. Too dangerous to type her name here. http://tinyurl.com/d58g6s
I shared a story that was ten years old today, and felt scared. I can't imagine what went through your head as you were deciding to send this in.
I have tears in my eyes for you and your brave daughter, and like every story here I will be carrying you in my heart.
Hug those babies tight and when you're through, hug yourself. There IS light, there IS safety. You've already done the bravest thing. Just remember to love yourself and take each step easy. There will be peace in the valley, gal. I promise.
This gave me goosebumps; I was so afraid for you and your daughter, and so very glad you were both able to leave. I'm hoping like mad that his throwing you out means he's washed his hands, and won't be looking for you. I'm also hoping you've found a way to let the school know that this animal has no business going anywhere near your kids as well.
You're very brave, and my heart goes out to you - no one should have to go through what you've gone through.
wow what a moving post..thank you for sharing your experience and congratulations on your liberation!
Courageous dear friend. I'm all too familiar with the secret no one knows, the perfect guy everyone sees. To even being told you look tough enough to defend yourself when the bruises started peeking out of long sleeve shirts. Perhaps...who knows why we fear, why it happened to us. The courage lies in the telling, taking away the control the fear they had over us. Thank you for this! (Hugs)Indigo
Oh, boy. That girl of yours? Awesome that she had the guts to say that to you! So very sad that she felt the need to say it.
You're a good mom. You are most certainly NOT a loser. By walking away, you just taught your kids a valuable lesson. I applaud you.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm so sad you had to endure that, but so happy you got out. I pray you and your children find safety, peace, and healing now that you're away from him.
I could just weep for you.
I don't have any else to say really, other than that.
I'm so happy you are no longer in that situation and I hope you find complete happiness very soon.
You are extremely brave, an inspiration and I am very happy that you and your children were able to get out before things were able to get any worse.
I wish you and your family all the best!
So glad you got you and your children out of that. It took a lot of courage to leave and so much bravery to share your story here with it still so fresh. You raised a very smart young lady. You are all in my thoughts.
Wow! You are most certainly not a loser!! You got yourself out & that is what's most important, for you & your kids! I'm glad you are away from it & hope one day you do feel safe again. All my best to you - I'll be thinking about you, just as I always do. ;)
Reading about your story and your bravery and strength is inspirational. Congrats on taking control of your life!
From one survivor to another...my thoughts are with you and your kids. You are certainly not loser...he is the loser. He's not even a man. I hope you realise that it's not your fault. At all. Even for staying as long as you did. Fear causes us to do a lot of things that seem irrational to those who haven't experienced such a situation. We stay, in a sense, to keep us (and our loved ones) safe. Those of you who have been in similar situations will completely understand that bit of thinking.
If you need someone to talk to...ask Maggie...she has my email.
Good for you for taking those first very brave steps. It's a long haul. A friend of mine went through this very thing and the best thing she did was to get counseling for her and her kids. I wish you all the best.
This is awful. Like most people "on the outside," I've never knowingly encountered such a reality of fear and misery. Why does a man hit his wife? I hope folks who are on here have sought counseling and have some kind of rationale from someone with a license and experience in helping folks cope with this, because I can't wrap my naive mind around the "why" and "how" parts of this equation.
Normally, I would think it's good that I can't relate or comprehend this, but I'm staring my own law firm and financial counseling firms next month, and I'm sure I'll run across clients who are emotionally hurting, and I won't know why.
I love you ...you are so strong and I am so proud to call you a friend. you are so right I had no Idea. I love you
You've taken that hardest of first steps toward freedom. The steps that follow will not always feel like easy ones, but YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH to take them and with each one, your strength will grow. Your kids are so fortunate to have you. Thoughts and prayers to you all.
I am so proud of you for getting out.
I remember being 5, my brother 7, and we sat by the banister and listened to our father and mother go at it. Again. They never hit each other; that they saved for us.
That night, we walked down the stairs and interrupted them. We said, "One of you needs to leave. Now." My father left and never came back.
That moment has dictated so many others in my life, I can't tell you. That moment I knew I had power to change my situation. It's a testament to your daughter and the job you've done with her that she could find the courage to say that to you.
Congratulations. You're on your way. That you for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing. Sharing that story takes courage and I applaud you for taking the time to let others know they are not alone.
"Humiliation" is a common theme unfortunately. So is second guessing yourself. Hopefully you've come to realize just how insidious batterers can be when it comes to divesting themselves of culpability. And they're very skilled at convincing their victims, and those around the victim that the fault lies elsewhere. It's part of the tool kit. Isolate the victim form those that care about her, bring her allies and potential allies over to your side leaving her alone and vulnerable. And failing that, at least get her to believe that she's alone.
And that's really the message I hope this blog is sending. "You are not alone, no matter what you've been told."
I hope you find -- or make -- your peace soon. Not with him, with yourself. Because you are not to blame. And my fondest wish for you is that you come to know that.
So happy you got out. And you got your kids out...
It will get better and you will be stronger for it.
Thank you for sharing your story, you are a brave woman, never forget that.
You are not and were not EVER a loser. As a matter of fact, I think you are quite the champion. I'm praying for you and your kids.
oh, and i just left you an anonymous comment on your blog but because i link here, i didn't want him to be able to follow a trail of crumbs to this post.
babe, there's a loser in this story, but it sure isn't you. you are the woman who raised that amazing little girl.