Comments on: New feature! Wednesday Q&A: I suspect my neighbor is being abused, what do I do?

By: Traci

Traci — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 02:14:58 +0000

Thank you for posting this information, I think we need more access to information like this – it is a wonderful tool you have started. After reading this I am going to call a hot line to get more information on how to help my cousin. Thank you so very much.

By: christine egeli

christine egeli — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:58:51 +0000

I have a friend who lives next door that is being emotionally abused by her husband. She has a mental illness and can not defend herself. Who do you talk to to get help??She is back in the phychiatric unit and ended up there because of the stress it is causing her but the husband still visits her alone and afterwards she is more messed up. At this rate she will never get well. The hospital staff and the doctors have been made aware of the way she has been treated by the husband yet they still allow him private visits with her. He has even said in a meeting with the doctors and a social worker that he does not love her and just wants her home so she can go back to work and finish paying off bills. Than she can leave because he is done dealing with her.

By: FreedomFirst

FreedomFirst — Fri, 29 May 2009 00:59:10 +0000

So is it NEVER okay to confront the abuser as an outside party? I’ve often wondered that since my first instinct would be to run out the door and dress him down good for ramming his kid’s big wheel. Am I wrong?

By: Indigo

Indigo — Thu, 28 May 2009 16:24:05 +0000

I’m so glad you intregated the Q&A part to this site! I always keep my local SOS shelter and hotline number printed on cards to give out. In extreme situations you may never get a chance to talk to the woman alone, but may without notice be able to slip a card to the victim un-noticed.

As for calling the cops – yes, as many times as need be. One of the mistakes someone makes when they make that initial call and the victim still stays is:
a) there was no threat
b) she doesn’t want to leave so why bother
c) you’re wasting your time it doesn’t make a difference…
All the above couldn’t be more wrong. Every time someone shows up on your door, it’s a reminder you’re not alone and someone hears you. Each time it gives just a little more courage to escape that life.

Thanks again for everything that is done here for surviors as well as informing those who don’t know how to help. (Hugs)Indigo

By: Mojo

Mojo — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:20:36 +0000

This is a great addition to VU, and as someone else already pointed out a fantastic first question to answer right out of the gate. To the writer, I’d say your response was bang-on perfect. If the guy didn’t know before, he knows now that someone’s paying attention. And the local cops are informed too. Which did a couple of things for your neighbor. First it defused the immediate situation which is the most important thing. But second — as a practical matter — it establishes a pattern which gives more credibility to your neighbor if she should need help in the future. It’s not just he-said-she-said now. There’s a record of a call to police, a record of a witness. It’s in the books that she’s not “crying wolf”. And even now, when the awareness is much higher than it was even 10 years back, that’s important. It’s important to any case that may be made against him and important to the woman herself. Because she too knows that she’s not crying wolf, that she’s not crazy, that this is wrong and she shouldn’t be treated this way.

Maybe you feel like it wasn’t enough, but your neighbor is grateful for it. She may not realize just how grateful yet.

And Carrie, from the very bottom of my heart and soul thank you for volunteering to take this feature on. What VU has accomplished to date has been amazing. The support and empathy I’ve seen here is astonishing, but it’s raised the question “What can we do about it?” Your contribution was the perfect adjunct, the catalyst that can turn empathy into action. Thank you.

By: Nicole

Nicole — Thu, 28 May 2009 04:27:58 +0000

Great feature and a great person for doing something.

Back in the day, the cops could come and go without doing anything. Now, if they see someone is injured, the victim doesn’t have to press charges — the officer can!

Thank God that things are changing. It’s slow, but it’s changing.

By: Emma

Emma — Wed, 27 May 2009 23:03:32 +0000

I am SO glad that the DV community is getting involved in answering peoples questions. The more people know the safer our communities will be. The more people know the smaller the stigma will shrink. And the more people know the easier it will be for our daughters and granddaughters to see abuse before it gets to them. Thank you for starting this feature.
-Emma

By: witchypoo

witchypoo — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:45:43 +0000

This is good, sensible information. I hope it encourages someone to step up to the plate to offer help.
To paraphrase, evil flourishes where good people do nothing.

By: we_be_toys

we_be_toys — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:05:56 +0000

Wow, a really good question, right out of the box. I’ve often wondered what the correct protocol would be in a situation like this one. Thank you for answering this.

By: M.E.

M.E. — Wed, 27 May 2009 19:57:26 +0000

This is a great new feature. I’m looking forward to seeing future installments.

~M.E.