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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
Just letting you know I'm here reading your story. You - and all of the survivors who share their stories here - you all do so much more of a service in preventing more abuse than you realize. We who are reading will talk to each other, to our friends, sisters, our children....thank you.
Speaking is the best way to silence violence. And your speaking is wonderful, even when your topics are hard. Keep speaking.
With love x
RT @irishsamom: RT @MaggieDammit: Please support today's survivor: http://violenceunsilenced.com/nina/
RT @ReneeJRoss: Please support today's survivor: http://violenceunsilenced.com/nina/ (via @MaggieDammit)
Please read and pass along! ! RT @MaggieDammit: Please support today's survivor: http://violenceunsilenced.com/nina/
I understand why you might think 'less' of what happened to you because it's happening to so many women right now, but I think that changes nothing.
No matter what, you are important. You, as a good, decent, wholesome human being deserve love, cherishment (is that a word?) and unconditional support.
You are stronger than you think.
What's tragic about your story is that it's not unusual, that it's not rare. But as the rest above me have pointed out, it is remarkable. It is a story worth telling -- and worth hearing -- because it is yours. Because a real flesh and blood human being endured it and came through to the other side and survived it. Because it happened, and it matters that it happened. And because you're willing to lay it on the Great Altar of Truth so that someone else who thinks her story is "unremarkable" can know that it matters.
All of this is remarkable. Tragically common, but remarkable.
Equally tragic, equally common is the second guessing. Did you do something to "bring it on yourself?" Could you have prevented it? Why oh why did you mix up your meds?
These are the wrong questions. There is only one question.
Why did he hurt you?
The answers to all those other questions you ask yourself should be immaterial. Because they should never have needed asking in the first place. You should not have to defend yourself in your own home. And you shouldn't have to explain that to anyone. Not then, not now, not ever.
Not even yourself.
It is remarkable in that it happened to you and you're talking about it. YOU are the remarkable part.
I can give you answers to two of your questions, but I suspect that you already know them. “Why should a man give himself rights to your body and consider himself invited unless he is explicitly fought off?” The simple answer is, “He shouldn’t.”
“ How can someone leave you with a row of bruises and blame your sensitivity but not their grip?’” He was a man-child, a little boy unwilling or unable to accept responsibility for his actions.
I’ve asked myself over and over again, how could a fifty-year-old man find guiltless pleasure in repeatedly molesting a nine-year-old boy? I’ve stopped asking that question. I stopped asking because in 35 years I haven’t found the answer. Either my abuser was born a sociopathic pedophile or something happened to him that damaged him enough to live out that lifestyle. It may be that he did feel guilt while never expressing it. I don’t know. I never will.
Speaking out is fantastic therapy. Removing the mask, coming out of hiding, and talking about these events is joyous freedom. Hiding is a slow, painful, lonely death.
I think that many stories may *seem* less than remarkable, but that doesn't make the story less important. Thank you for speaking up. You never know who's reading and who may be helped.