ANSIETEN FOR SALE

thank you. :)

No matter how long it took you to get out, you did get out! And it is especially wonderful that you have a relationship that is all it should be.

i feel your pain. i know your pain. and i know how liberating it can be to write those words when you have no-way out. it was 4am the first time it happened to me. i remember the smell of bourbon and pizza. it was snowing. it was my husband. it was snowing outside and i felt cold and stared at the cable box as i counted down the minutes until he was done.

it took me years until i let myself trust and i still don't fully. it is not right. it is not fair, the rage i feel for letting it happen, for letting myself lay there like a rag doll is something i will never forgive myself for, but the strength it gave me and it gave you is something NO-ONE can take away.

live strong, live proud. no-one can touch you anymore.

First off tysdaddy is right no mean no! Any demeaning belittling behavior is wrong even if there are no bruises, no physical marks the damage that is done from this kind of behavior is ever lasting.
Pamela, not just the rapes but the controlling, the questioning its all part of the trauma you've suffered. Know one should minimize your experience, it's yours you have to live with it not them. If they pass any kind of judgment they aren't worth your time (sorry to sound like mom).When you need support come here we will not categorize you only listen.

You are right -- abuse is abuse. And "life or death" doesn't always have to mean physical life or death. Trauma occurs any time our ability to cope -- physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual -- are overwhelmed and debilitated. Thank you so much for sharing your very important story. You are a survivor and we celebrate you.

Pamela always makes me laugh. Today, she made me cry.

No means no, guys. Every time!

I too am glad you are now safe and loved . . .

Thank you for sharing. Sometimes we never know what lies beneath the surface. For someone who seemed so polite, unassuming, shy, working at a not-for-profit--this is probably the kind of person I would have persued.

Thank you for this, and for helping more people to see that unwanted sex with a partner is still rape!

Thank you for sending this in. No matter how violent the abuse, it's a game of control that the abuser weilds as a weapon - some more violent than others.
No one has a right to exercise that kind of control over a person. The emotional scars this behavior leaves are far more ugly sometimes than the physical ones.

It took a lot of courage to send this story in. (Hugs)Indigo

you are very brave and I'm glad you've married a man who treats you as you deserve to be treated..

I am so seriously happy you are in a better place now. It's such a light at the end of the tunnel for many, I believe, to read of happiness that comes after such terrible events.

(((HUGS)))

Thank you for sharing this, even if you didn't think it was drastic enough. It's drastic enough to me, because like you said, any and all abuse is unacceptable.
So glad you were able to break free, so glad you were able to share this.

Pamela, wow. This was very moving. I know that had to take a lot to share. Your email to Maggie is so right. And your story, thank you for sharing it. I know it will speak volumes for others.

Steph

If only you knew how much this spoke to me...thank you!

Thanks for all your kind words. I hope that all of us, together, have made the difference in someone's life. You *all* rock!

My ex used to do this to me. I hated it, I hated sex all together. I didn't know at the time it was wrong and just thought it was normal. He abused my in many ways sexually and I didn't realize it was wrong becuase I was so young and he was my first. When we split up my i met a good man, and we are now married. He helped me realize what I went tough before was not normal, not loving, not respectful. Now I have a complelety differenet view on sex, my body and how a woman should really be treated.

Thank you for telling your story, and reminding us that this is not a competition, it's not about one-upsmmanship (upswomanship, perhaps?), it's about real life and how even when sometimes it can get away from you in such a very bad way there is a happy life to be lived once you decide to make it happy and get the heck out of Dodge.

Well done, and congratulations.

Don't belittle what happened to you by comparing to other stories. Your story is important - because it happened and you survived. Thank you for sharing.

I had a lot of the same feelings you had - about sharing our abuse. That somehow, what happened to you, what happened to me wasn't as important the awful things that happened to these other people.

A very wise person (thank you Mojo) told me that every story is important, every voice sharing can reach someone to let them know they are not alone, that they matter...

So thank you, Pamela. Thank you for sharing your voice. You rock

Thank you for sharing. You are correct - any abuse is too much. Thank you again for speaking out.

I was rape by someone I thought was a friend. Once. Only once. I can not imagine multiple times. I also never told anyone including my wonderful husband until we had been married about 10 years. Sad; but I was ashamed.

I suspect you avoided spiritual and emotional death and I am rejoicing that you escaped and moved on to your highly functional life. :)

Thank you for sharing. I pray for all of the women who need to hear your message.

i shared my story. http://violenceunsilenced.com/pamela/

Thank you for sharing this - very moving and I hope helpful to many.

actually, that's pretty horrific. thank you for sharing.

Thanks for posting this. You're right: all abuse is abuse.

Today's survivor,like many,worried her story wasn't impt enough. Pls go show support to @pameladayton: http://violenceunsilenced.com/pamela/

I'm mad. At some jerk far away. So.
I'll try not to go off on folks who used the words "abuse" and "forcing himself on you" in place of rape.

Love to Pamela. Thanks for the heads up.

XOXO
Joce

I think you're brave to share it. Abuse comes in so, so many forms.

you have done a great service here just by sharing your story.
of that i am sure.

abuse is abuse is abuse... in any form, on any level for any length of time. I am proud of you for leaving that relationship and I am proud of you for telling your story...

Pamela;

I was already in love with you but your bravery to come forward with your story just makes me admire you even more. You are such a strong woman and I think it's great that you shared this so others can know that abuse in any form, is abuse and not to be tolerated.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think someone in the same situation may think it's not rape because they are a couple but they would be wrong. It doesn't matter if you are strangers, a couple or married if you say no it means no.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Thank you for having the courage to share your story.

i am so thankful you told your story. wow. i'm glad you are now safe and with a real gentleman.
may you get all the healing and peace in the world...cuz you deserve it, and more!

Your story absolutely is important enough. While you may not have been in a "life or death" situation, your boyfriend forced himself on you. That is abuse...and I'm sure it changed you on some level. And I'm sorry.

your story is powerful. It has meaning, it is special. It is yours. Your story means so much to you and others who read it. Thank you for posting it. you are strong and amazing. love.

ANY abuse is too much. There are just certain things that are unforgivable as well. I’d have to say you’ve suffered those. Your story is important in making that point.

Glad that you have found someone who can care FOR you. (The key problem with the phrase “take care of” is the verb take.) May peace and healing be yours.

Pamela, I'm so very glad you decided to send this to Maggie. You may not have been faced with life and death. Not then at least. But if there's one common thread that runs through all these stories it's one of escalation. Once an abuser gains control, gets a taste of that power, it feeds an addiction and it takes more to satisfy it. Would you have eventually been in mortal danger? It's possible. The better question is "Does it matter?"

Thank you for validating all the victims who don't feel "important enough" because their bruises aren't visible. Thank you for telling them that they too have the right to be respected and treated fairly. thank you for letting them know that the message - "You are not alone and you don't have to live this way" - applies to them just as much as it does to the woman with the broken arm or the 40 stitches or the ruptured spleen.

Because nobody should have to live this way.

Nobody.