Rachel Ann
Today’s story is republished by permission from the author’s own blog. When she agreed to let it be published here, I asked her if she wanted to update it, add anything, edit anything, delete anything. She decided it could stand on its own. And even though the date is a little off, I couldn’t agree more.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Sentimental Reasons
Anniversary time can be difficult if it’s the anniversary of losing someone, or a marriage ending, or any number of unpleasant things.
Today is the anniversary of something interesting that happened in my life. A big turning point that started out as something small.
I was 19 years old and married to a very controlling man. He would follow me places and watch me to see who I was with and what I was doing. He would wait on the curb until I came home from girls nights and grill me and my friends about who we saw, where we went, what we did.
Today is the anniversary of me filing a restraining order against him. And tomorrow will be the anniversary of my first major hospital stay, when he found out about the restraining order and proceeded to break it – and me – into tiny little pieces.
That day in 1989, 20 years ago today, I took the first step toward being my own person and taking his power away. I had learned to be quiet, not rock the boat and to behave myself or else. Or else what? I mean what could he do, kill me?
He didn’t. Kill me, that is. He did a damn fine job on my self-esteem and an even better one on my jaw. I sat in the dark hospital room, in shock and unable to even cry, pain dulled with morphine, jaw wired shut. When I’d given him my heart, it did not come with instructions, he’d once said. And I needed to learn how to be a better wife so he wouldn’t get so mad at me. If only I’d done what he needed me to do, he wouldn’t have lost his temper and hit me. It was my fault.
I have to sit here and laugh about that little girl I once was. The one who believed in the good of all people. Who looked for the good in everyone, no matter how difficult they could be.
A nurse sat with me that night for a while. When she left, a police officer and my best friend sat with me. He had been caught and arrested. I didn’t have to testify because there were neighbors who witnessed what he did. Neighbors, by the way who are still my friends and are probably reading this. They can tell you about the girl who lived before May 7th and the girl who lived after May 8th. She was not the same person.
Many people would crumble after such an event. I admit that I can’t watch baseball because I hear the sound of bat on ball and it chills me to the core. I admit that I become angry whenever I hear a story of a woman mistreated, the man she goes back to, wishing his “I’m sorry” meant anything more than “come back so I can do it again”. There are too many who didn’t get the talking to that I did that night, 20 years ago. A man in a blue uniform, a complete stranger, looked me in the eye and said I was beautiful. Even amongst the bruises on my face, he said, he saw beauty and joy and life. “Don’t lose today. Don’t ever forget that you are strong and powerful and perfect, just the way you are. And anyone who doesn’t believe that and cherish you, every minute of the day, does not deserve to walk with his hand in yours.”
May 7th is the anniversary of the end of one future I could have had. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the beginning of a new path I chose with the help of a man in blue.
My song for today is “Sentimental Reasons” from the 50s. I sang it all day long, as I felt silly and sentimental about all I’ve lost. And the abundance I have made room for in giving up pain.
Sam Cooke sang “I love you for sentimental reasons… I hope you can believe me, I’ve given you my heart.”
Happy May 7th everyone. Care to sing along?
Rachel Ann blogs here
39 Responses to “Rachel Ann”
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I’ll sing with you Rach. This kind of story is the kind that breaks your heart, and then puts it back together again. I’ve already told you I wanted to share what that cop said to you with every victim, and every survivor in the world. Thank you for helping to do that.
He was right. He still is. And while I weep for the girl who was Rachel on May 7th, I rejoice for the woman who has been Rachel since May 8th. and the strength I see in you, when nothing could ever be this bad… it’s an inspiration to me. And I’m practically uninspirable.
Thank you for surviving, for bringing the light out into the darkness so that the others can find their way.
Thank you for just being you.
Thank you for sharing. I hope your story convinces other women that they are also beautiful and worthy of being cherished. Maybe you can be their man in blue.
Thank you so much for all the strength you exude. You have changed an impossible situation into one of hope. For that, we all thank you.
What an inspiring message. Thank you.
God bless that policeman who helped start you on the path that took you away from that dreadful, possible, future. God bless you for taking that new path. And for sharing your story.
I agree that the Cop did what many may not – that’s admirable. As are you, for telling your story.
Peace, Rachel.
Blessings to you, and to that man in blue. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Rachel Ann.
Your words are powerful.
God bless that man in blue! I’ve seen so many cops who just take the attitude of others who don’t understand domestic violence and figure you could “just leave.”
If only it were that simple.
Kudos to you for heeding his advice, finding that courage and reclaiming YOUR life. Add huge helpings of gratitude to this for sharing your story. I hope it helped you. I know it helped others.
I want to kiss that police officer.
Thank you so much for your brave, generous sharing.
Thank you for your bravery in speaking out. That cop did what so many of us fail to do and that is to see the person behind the bruises and speak directly to them. You are an inspiration to us all.
This gave me chills. Good for you. And good for that officer stepping outside his job and telling you what you desperately need to hear. Thanks for sharing this.
Happy belated anniversary. This is inspirational. I hope… no I’m SURE, this will give another the courage she needs to do what’s right for herself and her future.
What a wonderful human being that police officer is. Thanks for sharing your courage and strength.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are remarkable, strong, and brave. I hope you know what an inspiration you are…truly.
*hugs*
You astound me with your strength.
YESSSS!! Twenty and counting.
other rachel
It was a police officer that made me change my path in life too. They are amazing.
Hurray for the cop. But mostly, HURRAY HURRAY for you.
Well done.
That policeman was an angel.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing.
You have come a long way.
Thank you for having the courage to survive and share your story. And thank whatever supreme-ish being there may be for that police officer.
Thank you for being so strong and for sharing this. For taking even the power of the memory away from him. You’re beautiful.
wow. thank you for sharing your story. you are truly brave.
hearing you tell the words from the police officer make me wonder if he knew exactly what to say to you because maybe he knew someone close to him in the same situation as you…
either way, glad you are safe and speaking out! (hugs)
this is very, very powerful. thank you for sharing
Thank you for being so very very brave.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for surviving.
Thank you for thriving.
The skin that is scarred is much tougher than the soft flesh that was.
You are stronger than you thought.
You are stronger than he thought.
And beautiful. So very,very beautiful.
Your courage and beauty are bright shining lights. Singing, loudly and proudly, for you and me and futures hidden in hopes and whispered prayers. Singing in the hopes that others find their voices and safety.
What a wonderful, powerful story!! Thank you so much for your courage in sharing it.
What an amazing person that man in blue was. Wow.
What an amazing story… thank you so much for sharing it.
I truly hope that police officer knows what an impact he had, that he realizes his words meant so much to a girl in so much pain. Just reading them gave me the chills.
Your strength and bravery in getting out and moving on is inspiring – again, thank you so much for sharing it here, where it will be read by someone who needs to read it.
I hope that I can remember this the next time that I’m struggling to bring myself to say what I know needs to be said.
Thank you.
Congratulations on choosing YOU. All the best!
Your entry resonates with me for many reasons. I feel your struggle and your victory. In my own case there were seldom any witnesses and those who did shared his viewpoint that it was my fault for not doing XYZ. I too left my exhusband who in addition was a philanderer.
Sadly, i seem to repeat the habit throughout my life. I totally took off for about 7 or 8 years without thought or need of romance until one day I felt it was time (for some unknown reason). The first person I “hitched up” with (we became engaged, what a joke) quickly revealed his abusive side but I made excuses for him, could it have been the medication he took for his MS (steroids). By the time I realized it wasn’t it was too late.
It was a terrible “extraction” procedure which ended, much as you describe, when he told me it was my fault he was needing a lawyer and to go to court after throwing me to the ground and kicking me. He said it was my fault and when I asked how that was he said “Because you called the police”.
Duh? Indeed I did but he never got it and never will. He’s gone, finally. I’m still moving beyond.
Good for you and the wonderful people who came to your aid and for your fortitude and perseverance.
Painful but beautifull post. I lived an element of the violence. A good friend lived your level of the violence and I will never forget sitting with her in the hospital after he had worked her over with the claw side of a manner.
The incidents are often related on the evening news and I can hear people mumbling, “What doesn’t she just leave?”. I’ve never found a good response.
The officer’s words were a blessing then and a blessing now. “Don’t lose today. Don’t ever forget that you are strong and powerful and perfect, just the way you are. And anyone who doesn’t believe that and cherish you, every minute of the day, does not deserve to walk with his hand in yours.”
I’m glad you escaped the path you were on and that you are successfully embracing the joys of life.
Thank you for sharing.
That policeman was a smart one, and I’m so happy you embraced his words.
Congratulations on your anniversary.
Congratulations on your anniversary…I am closer to reaching mine. The dates are different, but the story is eerily the same. I too had my mouth wired shut….but it was at that moment that my voice became the loudest it had ever been. I finally stood up for myself and my 6 year old daughter, who witnessed most of the attack.
I am now in a very loving relationship (with a cop no less) who treats me and loves me the way I deserve to be. I am heading back to school to get my nursing degree (something my ex told me I wasn’t smart enough to do).
My life is my own now.
My song to sing is “Stronger Woman” by Jewel. If you get a chance, listen to it.
Thank you for sharing. I hope to be able to one day.
I love your inspirational lyrics at the end, your rescuer’s inspirational uplifting words that sparked your motivation, and the individual you’ve become Rachel Ann. Thank you for extending us your memory of what was and your celebration of who you are. Onward and upward, May 8, I mark your day and will remember 2010 the remarkable import of the date, and will always know I deserve a partner in life who walks beside me, just as I am, perfect and whole. Thank you Rachel.