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I am married now and the days of abuse are far behind me. I tell my story for several reasons. I hope that young women realize that this type of behavior is not normal, is not love and no matter what “they” tell you, abuse grips you like a vise and never completely lets go. I also implore those of you that have never experienced this to “judge not, lest you be judged.” You can cavalierly say “just leave” but my story and so many others have proven that these situations are most dangerous when you attempt to leave and it takes carefully planning to do so successfully.

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Renee blogs at Cutie Booty Cakes.

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Comments

44 comments
Fran
Fran

Renee, Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you are here to give testimony and hope for those trying to break free from abusive relationships.

Kara
Kara

Thank you so much for sharing your story. When you wrote:

"When he wooed me with the magic words “anger management” and “therapy” I grabbed that lifeline and stayed on for the ride."

struck a nerve, and brought tears to my eyes. I am in this very situation now, with two small children...and feel like I have no way out. I am desperately trying to formulate a plan...but it's so hard when he knows my every move.

Thank you for showing that it can be done. You give me hope.

Jean
Jean

Thank you for sharing your story, Renee. And a huge truckload of thanks for asking those who've never been in this situation to not judge, or ask "why didn't you just leave?" I know exactly how hard it is to leave. You are a beautiful and brave woman. Love and hugs to you.

Jen
Jen

Thank you for sharing your story here, Renee. A powerful testimony, and one so many women, of every age, can easily identify with. You are so brave, and strong, and amazing. *HUG*

Lillian
Lillian

Thank you for having the courage to survive and to share your story.

Deb on the Rocks
Deb on the Rocks

So wonderfully written! I hope this finds it's way to the readers who need it, because I know it will make a connection.

Al_Pal
Al_Pal

Oh, Renee! *HUGS*
Like another person said, "the great equalizer" --you can be smart, intelligent, but the violator will be so insidious about separating you from your friends.
So sad. *hugs* for your 16yo self.
I met you - and still think of you - as a strong, brilliant, kind, and funny woman.
I'm glad you've got a great husband, and so glad that you shared your story--this really is the kind of thing that could help a teen.

Mojo
Mojo

I had to read this a couple of times. The second time I had to keep reminding myself that the girl in this story was only sixteen years old. I'm not saying it's more understandable or acceptable at 20 or 30 or 60, it's not and I'd never suggest otherwise. But the idea that you had to live through this when the biggest worry you should have had was whether you could get rid of that zit before prom is unbearable. Nobody deserves to live with this kind of fear, no matter their age or circumstance, but it seems especially tragic when it shapes the life of someone so young.

But your story points out -- again -- that violence in relationships is the great equalizer. It doesn't play favorites, it doesn't recognize or respect any boundaries. And I'm thankful that you were able to find a safe way out of this, thankful again that you had the courage to bring it here where it can serve a greater good. And especially thankful that you've found peace in your life at last.

As I was searching for something this morning I came across a website that addresses this very specific problem: dating violence among teens. It's called TheSafeSpace.org . I didn't spend a lot of time exploring it, but if you know someone in this demographic and this situation there may be some valuable resources there.

Thank you for your courage, and for you willingness to lay your worst memories on the altar of the common good.

Jyl Johnson Pattee
Jyl Johnson Pattee

You're amazing, Renee! What an ability to take a horrible situation and share it with such passion and so articulately in hopes of helping others. You are an inspiration to so many! And I agree with one of the previous comments... a real strength! I am grateful to know you! Thanks for sharing.

Melanie (ModernMami)
Melanie (ModernMami)

Renee, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this and at such a young age also. But, your strength definitely shines through. Thanks for sharing with us.

Kristina Brooke
Kristina Brooke

I am so glad that you shared your story publicly. I have said this to you before but the strength that comes from talking about it is more powerful than the scars that have been inflicted. Sending you cyber hugs, my friend.

Ann's Rants
Ann's Rants

I hope a lot of young women get the chance to read this post. Liz Claiborne is doing a dating violence awareness day on Thursday, and this speaks to the heart of the matter so loudly.

Thank you for sharing.

Kathryn
Kathryn

Good job telling your story, Renee. I'm so sorry nobody listened to your teenage self, and so glad that you're still here to tell us about it. It could have gone another way.

Darlene
Darlene

Renee You have said it all and I know from where you came and where you were and where you are now. The experience pain and feelings never really leave but they can be lived with. Your strength and love of life will see you succeed. Blessings to you.

Corinne
Corinne

Wow. Just wow. What an incredible lot for a 16 year old to go through, and then to have to carry for the rest of her life. Let the healing begin.
Thank you so much for sharing with all of us!

Jamie
Jamie

Thanks for posting this...

anymommy
anymommy

I think you are incredible, Renee. I know that shy girl stays inside, I hope she feels like her voice is stronger every time you tell this story.

Jett
Jett

Sharing is painful, daunting and somewhat overwhelming, but I found it crazy-liberating.

I think you will as well. Thank you for opening your hands showing us the story you hold. Blessings to you.

Marinka
Marinka

Thank you for sharing your story. You know that I adore you and your bravery astounds me. I'm so sorry that this happened.

SM
SM

Thank you for sharing here, Renee. So glad you got out and on to a better place in life. Peace.

Camille
Camille

Thank you for sharing your story, Renee.

MK
MK

I'm in awe of every story, every survivor, and I thank you for sharing - for the gift you're giving to people you don't even know. You're strong and powerful.

Nicole
Nicole

"There was less danger in the possibility of his wrath than the guarantee."

I saw this played out as a child so I understand this feeling all too well. Knowledge really IS power though -- you just have to know how to wield it. Some of the best knowledge you've clearly found and shared is that you HAVE to get out. It's not easy. It's nerve-wracking and tedious and time-consuming, but it's the only way you ever get your life back.

So glad you found a way to reclaim yours!

Screwed Up Texan
Screwed Up Texan

Thank you for sharing your story. Through you and others we learn how to be strong.

Redneck Mommy
Redneck Mommy

Oh Renee. I admire the strength and courage it must have taken you to talk openly about such a painful and terrifying time in your life.

Thank you for sharing.

moosh in indy.
moosh in indy.

Amazing Renee.

Amazing.

You have helped so many with this. Me included.

Thank you.

Jennifer
Jennifer

Thank you for sharing this. All the stories are so much the same and so different at the same time. It is so much more complicated than "just leave."

I'm so glad you survived.

Arby
Arby

Keep sharing your story when and where you can and you will help some young girl somewhere. Thank you for sharing it here.

The Ranting Mommy
The Ranting Mommy

Very brave of you Renee to write this here. So many of us and so many in the current generation have experienced the frightening times and lonely (seemingly) feelings. Thanks for sharing your story.

Titanium
Titanium

Thank you for standing up, for speaking out. It takes strength and courage and time to grow wings like these.

May all good things come your way.

Matt
Matt

I've got to say, this is so beautifully written.

And your final messages are so deafeningly true.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Mr Lady
Mr Lady

Oh, Renee, I'm so glad you shared this. You're a strong woman. I know your story will do some other young girl good.

fidget
fidget

it's amazing how sometimes we can't see that we are getting swept away in a situation that is NOT good until we are already knee deep and then for some reason, no one is willing to help you out. Im glad that you managed to escape that situation and I hope in sharing, youve helped someone else.

thordora
thordora

It's never easy. I only experienced a fraction of this with a strange relationship with a guy in my teens, and he only hit me once, but I remember that horrible feeling, that I couldn't get away from him, not really.

It took a helluva lot of guts and strength to stand your ground. And you did. How incredible you are.

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