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Yes, I was stupid. I was stupid because I still loved her. Because I still wanted to be with her, because she still meant so much to me. I was stupid because if she hadn't hated herself for what she did, we would've stayed together and I probably wouldn't be here.
My tailbone never healed in the proper position.
My back still hurts when I sit for any longer than two hours straight.
I cannot tell anyone about my past.
My mother will never know how close she was to losing her first-born.
I'm still alive, if this is what you'd call living. When will it end?
Selaen blogs at Out of the Ordinary..
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Thank you for visiting Violence UnSilenced, a speak-out platform for survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault, and sexual abuse. If you are a survivor and it is safe to do so, we encourage you to share your story here. If you are not a survivor but you want to support those who are, please click around this site and find out more about what you can do.
It seems to me that it's pretty hard to know someone before you live with them. And how could you possibly know that kind of stuff was going to be coming at you, before you trusted this person; let them into your life. I hope you are OK! That life is looking better everyday.
You are so brave to share your story with all of us. Having been a survivor of abuse myself, I commend you on telling the world what happened to you and helping others by doing just that. It's such a difficult step to do so.
Selaen, Thank you for sharing your story. It takes strength to tell the world that you were a victim. You are, indeed, a survivor. I pray that you find peace.
I agree with Mojo - it isn't weak to speak out and tell your story - it takes a lot of guts. Thank you for telling your story - it just might help some one else break free, and in my opinion, having the courage to speak out makes you that much stronger.
Your "weakness" in telling your story - that's the strength in you. Anyone, no matter how weak, can project strength. But opening up like this? That's true strength.
I don't have the words to make it better, none of us do. All I can do is thank you for adding your voice to all the others. Each one of us whispering our story here brings the volume up just a little - breaking the damn silence that we've all lived with for too long.
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Thank you for being STRONG and sharing your story with us. It is through others like you who share their own personal stories that we can have the courage to share ours.
Congratulations on getting out, getting help, and being strong enough to do both. You are admirable.
There is always "I'm sorry" at the end of the violence. Yet, somehow they are never quite sorry enough NOT to do it again, if anything they get worse.
Calling the cops was the right thing to do and no one has to understand te reasoning or the why's...all that matters is you didn't deserve to be treated that way, nothing excuses that behavior.
Never weak...it takes tremendous courage and strength to tell the story. Even more admitting to the world...Yes, I was one of those women, this happened to me. Thank you for sharing dear friend! (Hugs)Indigo
When will it end?
That's a good question. I think you've taken the first step toward the answer.
For me, it ends the day that I can talk about it without being emotionally wrecked by my own retelling.
It gets easier each time you repeat it, or each time someone who reads your words encourages you on. It doesn't seem to matter if it was 30 minutes ago or 30 years ago when the physical abuse stopped. The emotional implications can be just as great. That's why it's important to face it head-on and STARE IT DOWN.
You've done that, brave soul. Soldier on. May peace and happiness find you.
Thank you for sharing the story. So many people who write hear talk about how strong they appear on the outside. My hope for you and everyone else who has told their story here is that you find that same kind of inner strength one day and that you can see yourself as others see you! You deserve better and I hope you find it!
Don't believe for a second that telling your story makes you weak. If anything, the opposite is true. Ask any of the ones who have bared their souls here how much strength it takes.
Ask yourself how hard it was for you to come forward.
And at some point, you'll be able to ask another young woman who saw herself in your words and because of it was able to save herself from a similar fate just how much strength she took from your story.
Weak? I think not. Not even a little bit.
The thesis behind Violence UnSilenced is in the title. By breaking the silence, by letting the "dirty little secret" out of the closet, you take another step toward taking away the power of the abuser. Of all of the abusers. Their power lies in the silence. In the fear. The fear of what will happen if you dare to speak. And by speaking, you challenge that power -- or more accurately, the illusion of power.
By speaking out, you take the power back. You count yourself among the ones who refuse to be victimized, among those who have survived. Is surviving the same as living? No, it isn't. But it's certainly a prerequisite to living. Because you can't very well live if you don't survive.
You shouldn't have had to endure this; nobody should. But because you did, because you lived to tell about it you've taken your life back. And you've given life back to others mired in the same abyss. Because you're not alone, not "different" or "strange" or "a freak". And you're certainly not "weak".
For all those who still suffer and have yet to find their voices, I thank you for having the courage, the strength, to find yours.
It takes courage to tell your story, and the telling is a start to the healing. The next three days or so should be intensely emotional as you re-process this, but you will find that you have unpeeled another layer of your pain. Each time you revisit it, you shed more of the burden.
I wish you healing and peace.
I know it's hard to tell your story, to have a post here, as I've been there.
I applaud your courage.
"How on Earth I ended up here, I don’t know." ... you are not alone in wondering this. But it's how you move forward that is the most important part.
Thank-you for sharing...I know how hard it is and I hope you found what you needed in doing so.
I'm so sorry...I wish I could think of something brilliant and eloquent to say; hopefully 'I'm sorry' shows the support I feel in some small way. Love & Light to you.