Stacy Lannert (special report)
Today’s story is a bit different. It’s brought to you by Nicole, a former journalist, who blogs at This D*mn House.
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I’ve never met Stacey Lannert but I feel like I know her at least a little bit.
Stacey, 36, was recently released from prison. She was sentenced to life without parole for killing her father in 1990. Former Missouri Gov. Matt Blunt changed that by pardoning her in one of his final acts of office. Blunt said that he thought Stacey had “suffered extensive abuse” at the hands of her father whom she claims had begun molesting her at age 8.
I couldn’t agree more.
During my newspaper days, I interviewed a relative of Stacey’s. The relative lived in one of the communities my paper served so it was a great opportunity to get a local tie to a big murder case. That’s what my reporter’s mind said. But deep into the story, it wasn’t my reporter’s ears that were hearing Stacey’s plight play out. The relative gave me a back story about how both the relative and Stacey’s mother had been abused by a family member. The anger. The resentment. The pain. The shame.
I felt all of it acutely. It went against a reporter’s objectivity, but let’s be honest for just a minute. We’re human. We’re all the products of our respective pasts whether we choose to accept it or not. And Stacey’s story struck a chord in mine.
To be clear, I’ve never suffered sexual abuse. I was never physically abused on a regular basis. I got my share, but mostly while trying to intervene during the all-too-regular beatings my mother got. I promised myself at a very early age that no one would ever do that to me. (While there’s been a man or two that may have wanted to, no man who was not a blood relative ever has. )
But the emotional abuse? Oh, that went on for decades. I so understood the place where Stacey was coming from. I knew that anger. I knew that desire to protect someone else. (For Stacey, it was her younger sister. For me, it was my mom.) You see, in my house, an aluminum ball bat wasn’t just for softball. Sometimes, it was a way of literally breaking things up. It was a peacemaker more than once.
I knew the longing to just make it all stop. The everyday waiting to see what little things would set it off. The fights. The broken promises that that was all over.
Finally, Stacey had enough. She asked other people to kill her father. She even thought of hiring someone for the job. In the end, she took matters into her own hands and did it herself.
Was it the right thing to do? No. Even she will tell you that. At the time though, it probably felt like the only option she had. Today, she hopes to help others in situations like hers, ideally sparing them her fate.
Domestic violence leaves scars you can’t see. It makes us perpetuate the chaos in our adult lives whether we recognize it or not.
I came close to repeating my childhood in my first relationship – without ever being struck. Years later, I left a much briefer relationship when a man who drank too much flew into a rage. While it wasn’t directed at me, it was the wake-up call I needed.
“I would never hit you,” he would tell me later. And you never will, I thought. But he didn’t see himself that night. And he could not see what it triggered inside me. Nor did he want to. I walked.
The experiences we have. The choices we make. These are the things that make us products of our pasts. That’s what makes us all Stacey Lannert, at least a little bit.
We don’t, however, have to be victims of our pasts. There are ways to get out and go on with life. Maybe that shows the Stacey in us all, too.
14 Responses to “Stacy Lannert (special report)”
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I am astounded at how much violence is dished out in domestic situations. I had no idea. I really did not, until I came here to read peoples stories.
Thank God that Governor had the sense to pardon Stacey and thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you for sharing this story with us.
You know the thing that’s saddest about this story is that it took so long for a governor to have the stones to execute the pardon. Of course the opposition party will make political hay of it calling the governor’s party “weak on criminals” which goes beyond sad, right to sick. But how often do we see justice suffer for the sake of political expediency?
It’s hard to imagine being so short on options — or seeing so few options at least — that the only one left is to take a life. I’m not familiar with Stacey’s story specifically, but I’ve read and heard countless others just like it. Your own could have easily been one of them. An aluminum bat can do some pretty serious damage.
Sadly, there will always be headlines like this I think. I’d love to say that “at least this one has a happy ending”, but it’s a bittersweet one at best. Stacey Lannert still spent nearly 20 years in prison, and — despite a pardon of innocence — will live in her own prison the rest of her life.
The only thing that might change is what form that prison takes.
You are right. We do NOT have to be victims of our past. It is difficult to get to that point, but I am sure it CAN be done. Some days I still feel like a victim, but mostly I feel as I have come through and am using it all to my advantage as an adult, and to my child(ren)’s advantage.
Thank you for sharing; Stacy’s story, and also your own.
Thank you for sharing this story. I think many can relate, but would rather not post it publically…at least not in detail.
no, we don’t have to be victims to our past… sometimes, it takes years to realise this and work on being that survivor.
I saw this on one of our news channels a couple of weeks ago. I’m so glad she was pardoned, and I wish she hadn’t had to spend so long in prison. The prosecutor is just living in denial, or else has no instincts at all. But I’m so glad she’s free now.
Nicole,
You are correct in more ways than one. Everyone of us is some form Stacey who has walked that walk. I walk proud, confident, and I hold my head high.
Thank you for sharing this. I agree we are all Stacey.
I had a discussion today with someone about gun control. I admitted openly with the different incidents of violence I endured…either I would be dead right now or sitting in jail myself if there had been a gun in my home.
No, killing her father didn’t make it right. However I do understand wanting to end it. In my case I left home and threatened as long as he left my sisters alone, I wouldn’t go to the police.
When he died 5 years later, I sent the biggest bouquet of flowers I could to his funeral. Sad? No, I was celebrating his demise. Maybe it’s cruel but anyone who can inflict sexual or violent abuse on someone…doesn’t deserve my sympathy. The fact that Stacey ended up going down that path herself, isn’t the same. At some point she did the only thing she felt she had left for herself – to protect her sister and finally defend herself.
I could see myself as a Stacey easily. (Hugs)Indigo
I’ve heard Stacey’s story, and it’s horrible what she went through. And really too bad that she spent so long in prison. I hope she’s able to build a life for herself now, and find some peace.
We all deserve that much.
I agree. I decided long ago I would never live the life that my parents lived. I graduated high school put myself through college and have made a life long promise to myself that I would avoid angry drunken people, druggies, ect.. at all costs. I have done well for myself doing that. My sister on the other hand accepted that life style and is still living it today. i’ve tried talking to her and helping her but I see her turing more and more just like my parents everyday. its sad. Sometimes i really think abuse can make or break you. You just got to repeat to yourself that you can break the cycle and you are worth much much more.
Part of me says, no, I don’t have any Stacy in me! I’ve never been physically or mentally abused! My whole life has been filled with nothing but love and support, and I’m appalled by the stories I find here.
But then, there is that tiny part that says: Oh yeah? You don’t remember the drunken “partying” that usually ended in some kind of humiliation? Those few-and-far-between moments that you just gritted your teeth to live through, until the next time? Because all the rest of the time, everything was fine? Mmm. Had there been any physical violence, I think I would have walked. Had I needed to protect a child or a sibling, I’m sure I’d have done much more.
Yeah, I think there’s a little Stacy in there.
“Domestic violence leaves scars you can’t see. It makes us perpetuate the chaos in our adult lives whether we recognize it or not.”
This is it in a nutshell. And if we never recognize it, we just keep choosing people over and over again that treat us the way we are accustomed to being treated.
It’s a hard cycle to break.
I spent my childhood watching my father beat my mother and siblings daily. It affects you deeply, forever. Thanks for sharing your story.