On the other hand, there have been so many times he pressured me to drink in a social situation because he thought it would help me mellow out. I’ve tried to explain to him, not too successfully, that I would not react to alcohol the same way he does. It would not loosen my severe social inhibitions; it would make them worse, and make me violent, and I would be exactly the kind of drunk that gives alcoholism its reputation. I don’t need to drink to know that with my high-strung, anxious personality, alcohol would be a very bad thing.

If an abuser is aware that his or her substance abuse is likely to lead to or exacerbate a violent episode and continues to use anyway, I’d have to think he or she has so little regard for his or her partner to begin with that treatment for the chemical dependency is going to help. And while treating the chemical dependency alone isn’t going to prevent further abuse, it can make dealing with the underlying pathology of the abusive tendencies easier to work on. If nothing else, it removes a layer of complexity so that there’s only one problem to deal with.

But both problems are ones that the abuser will have to address. A victim of abuse is not responsible for the abuse. He or she is also not responsible for the abuser’s sobriety. It might be possible to resolve both issues, but I would still recommend to anyone in an abusive relationship to get out. And stay out. The relationship is toxic and while you might have a chance of repairing it later — much later — once the abusive partner has done the work of (a) getting sober and (b) addressing the underlying causes of the abuse, until that happens you are at risk.

Another excellent question and another excellent answer. Thank you, both of you.

I have never thought of it as causal, but rather that it sometimes occurs along side domestic violence and then it really (REALLY) is like throwing gas on a flame.