Comments on: Wednesday Q&A: How can I help my emotionally abused friend? http://violenceunsilenced.com/wednesday-qa-how-can-i-help-my-emotionally-abused-friend/ Violence UnSilenced: Shedding light on domestic violence and sexual abuse/assault by giving survivors a voice. Thu, 09 Sep 2010 00:01:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: I'd Rather Not Say http://violenceunsilenced.com/wednesday-qa-how-can-i-help-my-emotionally-abused-friend/#comment-6363 I'd Rather Not Say Sun, 06 Sep 2009 06:52:13 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=702#comment-6363 I live this, from the inside. And while right now I'm ready to take that step... being pushed into it just makes me feel worse. Because like Carrie said, it's one more way I'm failing, one more time I don't measure up. And as helpful as it's meant to be, it reinforces what I've come to believe - that I AM worthless, and that I AM incapable of doing anything right. Just be there... that's what she (and I) need the most. I live this, from the inside. And while right now I’m ready to take that step… being pushed into it just makes me feel worse. Because like Carrie said, it’s one more way I’m failing, one more time I don’t measure up. And as helpful as it’s meant to be, it reinforces what I’ve come to believe – that I AM worthless, and that I AM incapable of doing anything right.
Just be there… that’s what she (and I) need the most.

]]> By: Krista's Mom (Barbi) http://violenceunsilenced.com/wednesday-qa-how-can-i-help-my-emotionally-abused-friend/#comment-6329 Krista's Mom (Barbi) Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:03:32 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=702#comment-6329 Everything in the answer is the only way any of this will work. I was that "friend" and it took me a very long time to leave - but the entire time I had the support of my close friends and my daughter - they reminded me of what a good person I was and that whenever I was ready, they would be there to help me. The mental abuse and brain washing are difficult obstacles to overcome and leave - no one likes to think they have failed in the marriage - and unfortunately that is the impression the abuser gives - that somehow we, the actual victim, is the one who failed. She needs your love and encouraging words to remember she has failed no one. When she's ready, she will leave and then you can hold her hand in her walk toward a new beginning. Everything in the answer is the only way any of this will work. I was that “friend” and it took me a very long time to leave – but the entire time I had the support of my close friends and my daughter – they reminded me of what a good person I was and that whenever I was ready, they would be there to help me. The mental abuse and brain washing are difficult obstacles to overcome and leave – no one likes to think they have failed in the marriage – and unfortunately that is the impression the abuser gives – that somehow we, the actual victim, is the one who failed. She needs your love and encouraging words to remember she has failed no one. When she’s ready, she will leave and then you can hold her hand in her walk toward a new beginning.

]]> By: Danielle-lee http://violenceunsilenced.com/wednesday-qa-how-can-i-help-my-emotionally-abused-friend/#comment-6327 Danielle-lee Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:10:25 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=702#comment-6327 Thank you so very much for posting this. You have no idea how much I have been thinking about this lately, for someone. Thank you so very much for posting this. You have no idea how much I have been thinking about this lately, for someone.

]]> By: Mojo http://violenceunsilenced.com/wednesday-qa-how-can-i-help-my-emotionally-abused-friend/#comment-6326 Mojo Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:19:23 +0000 http://violenceunsilenced.com/?p=702#comment-6326 It's hard to resist the temptation to ... over-help? The hardest part of having friends in abusive situations is giving them space and support at the same time. It's a balancing act that can honestly be exhausting. And I've sometimes had a hard time determining if the people I've known in these situations are actually serious about leaving or simply trying to meet some other need. And the only thing I've ever been able to come up with is "I'm here when you need me, but I can't do it <i>for</i> you." I hope your friend manages to find a safe way out before things escalate further. And I'm glad she's got people around her who care about her and will build her up rather than tear her down. It’s hard to resist the temptation to … over-help? The hardest part of having friends in abusive situations is giving them space and support at the same time. It’s a balancing act that can honestly be exhausting. And I’ve sometimes had a hard time determining if the people I’ve known in these situations are actually serious about leaving or simply trying to meet some other need. And the only thing I’ve ever been able to come up with is “I’m here when you need me, but I can’t do it for you.”

I hope your friend manages to find a safe way out before things escalate further. And I’m glad she’s got people around her who care about her and will build her up rather than tear her down.

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